Questioning

I don't talk about it out loud

I listen as though through a panel of glass

I am not one of them

Whatever it means to be them

It's not a bad thing

Or a good thing

It's not right or wrong

It simply is

So when someone asks

Who are you?

What are you?

I always answer

Straight

Straight, I say,

Because that's what I've been told

No one ever said I could be one of them

I didn't even really know who they were

They existed, but as though through a window

Straight, I say,

Because I don't know that it's not my only option

I know that they're not straight

But they and I live on different sides of a hazy barrier

And I support them

Kind of

I don't know what I'm supporting

But I know they've been through a lot

And that they're human beings

Just like me

Straight, I say,

Because I've only had one or two crushes

And they've both been boys

I watch a girl

And to myself I think

I can't crush on her

Because I'm not one of them, whoever they are.

And one day

Many months later

I see a girl.

I've seen her a million times

But something is different.

Straight, I say

But now I don't know.

She's with me and my friends

On a field trip

And she asks me, just as the others ask each other

'Who's your crush?'

I panic for a second

I'm not ready

And in that second, I say a name,

But it's not hers

It's a boy.

He's cute, but I don't like him that way

Not like I like her

But I don't really know that

Straight, I say

Because I don't know what it's like to be anything else

And as I go to sleep that night

I think and think and think

I might be one of them

I might be gay or bi and I don't know

And there's nothing wrong with that

But I want to know

And I don't say a word to anyone

Straight, I say,

Because I don't tell others what I don't first know myself

Because I think I'm one of them

Fabulous Sparkling Rainbows

A community of people

Different from what they were told to be

People who want to be themselves in their own skin

And every day a question rolls around in my head

Am I straight?

Am I gay?

Am I bi?

Am I something else?

Because I want a label.

I need a label.

Something to explain who I am

Even at a basic level

Straight, I say

Because it's the only label I have

Straight, I say

Because I don't want to come out as lesbian

Because I don't think that term fits

But why else would my new classmate be so easy for me to crush on?

Why else would I want so secretly to be her girlfriend?

Straight, I say

Because today it feels right

I'm straight

I'm straight

I'm straight

And I know it,

But what about her?

And I finally strike a balance

I can love boys and girls and everyone in between

He's and She's and Them's

Straight, I say

But only out loud.

I'm bisexual, but I don't know how to say it?

What if I'm wrong?

What if I really am straight?

What if it's a phase?

And one day, I say something

Straight, I say

Or at least, that's what I mean to say

Bisexual is what my soul screams

And on that evening

Bisexual, I say

And it may be a phase

It may be false

It may be something else entirely

But as long as it lasts,

As long as this label feels right

As long as it describes how I feel,

Bisexual, I'll say.