I would have followed you, you know
To be surrounded by your warmth and ambition
And to feel like I could be part of that dream, too
I thought that was my future
To share in that glory
But I don't think there was ever room for two
Not us two, anyway.
If I think back on it now
I can scarcely remember what it was
And it makes me wonder if I ever knew
Or if it was youth reassuring me
Things would work out
As long as we were together.
But you, unlike me, were the realist
I was lost to stories and fantasy
I admired you and the senses I lacked
To the point of twisted reverence
And I think it was that which drove us apart.
It has been so long since I have heard your voice
I wonder if you miss me
I also wonder if I miss you
Or if I miss the security I felt
When you were around.
I pushed myself to stand alongside you
And I liked parts of the person I tried to be
But while I was trying, and you were succeeding,
We missed each other
And we found others
And I forgot why I was there in the first place.
I had to ask myself what I was looking for
Once I realized the others would not take me with them.
Would you have taken me?
Years later I am still wondering,
Because I have never been brave enough to ask.
I think we all have the potential for greatness
But I never imagined myself at the end of that path
It is easy to pretend for the sake of others
But not so easy to continue lying to myself
And I have reached a point where
Lies are no longer sufficient answers to prodding questions.
I think of you,
And I think of those that came after you
And I wonder if you all saw in me some spark
Or if I was just a faithful shadow
But what hurts to acknowledge is I wish I could go back
Because living in your shadow I felt worthy
Here on my own, I wonder if I can ever be enough.