I am a child of peace, but I am live in a constant battle. I did not seek it out. I did not start it. The choice was not mine. My fight began the day that I came into this world.
In my days I have seen many battles and fought countless more. Too many of them now weigh on my life and shimmer in the background of my memory. They hold me awake at night and make me drift away during the day. They are a burden and I can tell you that they get heavier with each day that passes.
Do not judge me by my tattered edges. Do not pass me off as nothing more than a used up rag. For I may smell of dirt and sweat and fear; but I smell them also and that fact alone means that I am still here. I made it through another battle. I fought my fight and I survived. I won. And that is more than some can say.
My strength has held out so far, it has pulled me along and pushed me up out of dark holes, but it is flagging. My stamina is beginning to seep away and I am starting to fade around the edges. One can only fight for so long before they forget what inner peace is and they become exactly what they have been fighting against for so long. To beat back a monster without becoming one is a fine line to walk and the line is getting blurry.
I look back at what has happened, what I have been through, and I see how far I have come. Maybe I am nearing the end, maybe I am getting close to the finish line. And that is enough to give me the push that I need. Because, the end could be just steps away and I have no other options. If I give up, then I will never reach my goal. Sitting down and getting passed by others that did not lose sight of their objective will not get me closer to what I seek.
No. No other option remains. So I continue forward. Pushing and fighting my way through so many obstacles and pitfalls. I will succeed. I will cross that finish line. I will find my peace.
When? I do not know. But I do know that the end result will be worth every bit of effort that I can give.
And so I get out of bed and I face another day. I face another battle against what everyone calls life and I keep looking for the bits of happiness that occasionally bleed through. Little promises of the joy that is to come. I lift my chin and step boldly back into the fight.