Hair is a funny thing, isn't it? People are so aware of it. If you have it if you don't. Where you have it and where you don't. How long it is or isn't. If it's curly or straight or wavy or wispy or thick. What color it is, how healthy it is. All these thoughts and questions about what is essentially dead skin cells combined with a proteinaceous material. It's kind of crazy.

Hair has its functions. Such as regulating body temperature, facilitating the evaporation of perspiration and helps protect you. Hair can also act as a sense organ. Think about it. When a breeze blows through it, you feel the wind. When you burn it with a curling iron, you sense the heat of the iron and know to pull it back so you don't burn the delicate skin underneath. When it gets wets and sticky from sweat, you know you're too hot. I can see the utter fascination with it.

It is also the reason I got into wigs. I love wigs. You can change your look and thus how you feel on any given day. Want short hair? There's a wig for that. Not sure if you should dye your hair black? Try a wig. Feeling like a sexy blonde bombshell? Boom, done. Wondering about perming your hair? You can try that too. Need long hippie hair full of flowers or crazy teased big hair for a throwback party? There are wigs for that too. Almost every color, style and length you can find if you know where to look. That's where I come in.

My name is Gabardine Jones, but most people call me the Great Gambino. That's because I'm a magician. Or at least I tell people that, because who really wants to know that magic is real? "I do! I do!" I hear you shouting from the back of the room, but think about it. Would the world really be better off if magic was real?

"Oh, look. Lucy made a mess in the sitting room and we have guests coming. I don't have time for this." Then you say a tiny incantation, wave your hand or possibly flick your wand, if you can find it in the mess, and the whole thing cleans itself up. Problem solved. Wipes hands clean.

"That wouldn't be so bad now would it, Gabardine?" At least not at first. Then you do it so many times you actually forget how to clean without the use of magic. Everyone using magic to fix the small things that you become complacent with it and forget how to actually human. And that my dear friend is why magic is kept a secret. Of course, it could also be the fact that if powerful people get their hands on it, they use it to get whatever they want and screw up the natural order of things. There's a reason there's a natural order of things. We shouldn't meddle with it. But I'm getting off-topic here. (The crowd sighs with disappointment.)

The reason I gathered everyone here was to talk about hair. Or more importantly wigs. Halloween is coming up soon isn't that right? Everyone likes to dress up for the event and I have just the ticket for you. In my shop, I have over a thousand wigs to choose from. Male and female, long or short, red, black, blonde or brown. Whatever your heart desires. Come in and have a gander. You may find something you like and it can change your whole life. Something I'm highly counting on, because who doesn't love a bit of mischievous fun?