~ An excerpt from a conversation on the Chicorium Oddities website, 9 Sept, 2026 ~
IamPug: "Speaking of the high strangeness going on around this town as of late, I was walking Ziggy my 4 year old male pug in his adorable little sailor outfit downtown close to Alpern's headquarters when a shaaaweet looking maroon SUV rolled up into a parking spot and the passenger...who get this, was old man Alpern himself...came over and patted Ziggy on the head and told me what a cute son I had. Son! Like a male child!"
LOAFalive: "Sorry to tell you this Pug, but that's old news. The King of the city has been mistaking pets for people, men for women, and doing all sorts of weird things lately. Must be some kind of rich people humor"
SPORK!: "If you all think that is highly strange, then how about his son Alvin. Some people say he has been replaced by a clone. A female clone! Totally freaked out face!"
ToadLickinMike: "Well since we're talking about the Alpern family, how about Alvin's brother...who nobody ever heard of...just showing up out of the blue. And just like that, he leaves. Him and his assistant Kid Mystery"
SPORK!: "Way to cut in TLM!...oh no you didn't face!"
LOAFalive: "That's stuff we were already talking about Mike. And you and a bunch of others are wrong. The so called brother was Alvin, and his hawt assistant wasn't Kid Mystery. The real Kid Mystery was a hawt black guy...and Spork, Alvin Alpern being replaced by a clone?. That's too crazy even for here"
SPORK!: "Well you guys are boring if you want to talk about things that are crazy...but not TOO crazy...so I'm out until a more daring crowd is around"
ToadLickinMike: "Well excuse me Loaf, I just got on and didn't know you all had talked about Alvin's brother and Kid Mystery. And I'm right. That was Alvin's brother. If not, then just who is running Alpern's now that the old man is away on business?"
SarahWideLoaf: "Look it's simple. Alvin Alpern got all nice and tidy because his father wanted to train him to become the boss of the whole Company. Then when daddy went away, the son went back to his normal self. The assistant fella wasn't needed after that of course so he went back to where ever he came from"
IamPug: "Huh?...the time where the young Alpern was clean shaved with short hair to the time where he had his full beard back and long hair was just a day or two! Quit blowing smoke up people's asses Sarah, it's totally not like you"
ToadLickinMike: "SarahWL and a few others done lost the plot BIG TIME"
LOAFalive: "It's you and Pug that are lost! There have been quick hair growth treatments out for at least 3 years now. Guess SOME peeps on here are a bit slow on the uptake about current info. Or even info from 3 freakin years ago! looking sideways at them like whats up face!"
FastFreddie: "LOAF, while I'm on your side about Kid Mystery being a good looking African-American (I too somehow remember trying to chase him down at the defunct wind power tower on the fairgrounds), I have to bring up that such treatments aren't yet approved for use in this Country. And there's also that they can grow hair fast, but it takes about two days to get an inch of growth for most people. But I do believe the Alvin Alpern in charge of the Alpern's Corporation since about the 6th or 7th is the genuine Alvin Alpern, WHOM also was the clean-cut dapper looking fellow that graced Chicorium with his equally dapper looking assistant, or personal stylist, or whatever. The solution to this conundrum of a clean shaved/short hair Alvin and a fully bearded/long haired Alvin appearing nearly back to back is really quite simple. Alvin put on hair extensions and false facial hair when his father left and will discard them when his natural hair grows out"
ToadLickinMike: "I'll buy that. Thanks for clearing things up FF"
IamPug: "That only..perhaps..cleared up Alvin Alpern. Kid Mystery was a white dude, and he was Alvin's assistant. Period!"
333LastTransmission: "Nah pug, even I remember a black kid mystery somehow. I don't remember seeing him, but I do remember that someone offered about $1000 fed credits for just a pic or video of him, so I was on the hunt for him like a ton of other people"
LOAFalive: "Funny how we're back to where the whole discussion started. Which was about so many people in town remembering the real kid mystery. And not just him, but his three fine looking friends"
AuntEdward: "Hey all. I've just been lurking here watching the convo for some time, but now I just have to ask: so if the young Alpern was suppose to be trained to take on the CEO roll on around the 7th, but the elder Alpern left sometime late yesterday...and since there is no Vice CEO or second in command of the Company that we know of...then just who trained or is training Alvin Alpern?"
MarcyInATutu: "Hi to all the hot ladies out there! I'm about to get off work and be back to my house in about twenty minutes. Then I'll be hangin out in the hot tub in my pink tutu and lookin for some company for some freaky times! I got extra tutus of all sizes and colors! Who wants to get all wet in just a sexy tutu! Just hot ladies only please!"
IamPug: "Not you again! This ain't the place for your stupid fetish tutu boy! Yeah that's right, we all know you're actually a half bald dude!"
FastFreddie: "While I'm about as open-minded as they come, you really need to troll for likeminded fetish partners in an appropriate chatroom"
333LastTransmission: "While I'm open-minded too, how about you do the world a favor and take a plugged-in hair dryer with you into your hot tub loser"
"Marcy" watched the stream of insults and more or less (actually MUCH more than less) harsh suggestions come rolling across the chat. He ignored it all, and diligently waited for a bite from a potential partner or partners. Coming up empty, he closed out the Chicorium Oddities website after about a minute and went back out of the office in the main R & D Supply storage room to finish his work for the day.
"Ok Mr. Alpern, if you're done with those inventory lists I think we've covered enough about the supply chain and general logistics of the Corporation...tomorrow we'll delve into the finance end of things and also touch more on integration into Federal systems, and that will be it for what I can train you in"
"The lists are done...and George, I've told you a hundred times at least to simply call me Alvin...I may be a cosmopolitan man of the world, but I'm still just a regular guy who enjoys a bucket of chicken and a shaken, not stirred martini every so often"
"And I've told you at least a hundred times that a Corporate leader must command respect..and that begins with being properly referred to as MISTER Alpern in your case...but anyway, I'll see you bright and early tomorrow...have a pleasant evening Mr. Alpern"
"As should you..Mister Blake"
"Oh Mr. Alpern..just George is fine for me...I am but a humble Chauffeur"
"Ha!...a humble Chauffeur, AND, my father's secret right hand man!...something even I didn't know until recently"
The two bid each other farewell and then George Blake went back to his own little secret office in the main HQ building. After removing his sunglasses and toupe, he sat at his desk and pushed it forward; for underneath it was a seamlessly built-in secret compartment in the floor. From it he pulled a communication device a little taller and wider but much thicker than a standard sized smart phone. He entered a code and began to speak.
"Call-sign eight six...Pixie...nine one...Debaser...My report for 8 September, 2026 follows...all is well...the one who is legally Alvin Alpern is progressing well in his training...understands the danger of coffee smuggling and unregulated chicory production, distribution, and sales..and should be thoroughly inclined to accept complete Federal control when it is implemented...The one born as Alvin Alpern is still out of town and presumed to be monitored by other agencies...illegal distribution of coffee hasn't yet resurfaced, which would seem to prove my suspicion that the original Alvin Alpern was the source...end of report...Agent Booji Boy out...glory to the FOOCHIPROMARGROW!"
~ An excerpt from a conversation on the Chicorium Oddities website, 10 Sept, 2026 ~
SlickieBoi13: "What's news guys, just dropped in and saw you talking about paranormal topics that rarely or never come up anymore and had a good one to add. The Men In Black!. Proud of myself face"
666Buttnik: "Hi Ho Slickie! You just checking in for a minute again or are you back on the regular?"
SlickieBoi13: "I've been extra busy with school and work for the last two weeks, but everything's calmed down now so I'll be on pretty much every night again"
FastFreddie: "Well it's good to have you back...and good addition to the topic. The MIB seems to have come from legends of black-clad individuals working on behalf of the authorities of various times and regions who bring harassment and threats and general misfortune to those they visit. Such legends go way back to the dark ages and perhaps even earlier. The current and popularly known iteration of the myth got tied in with the UFO phenomenon back after the Roswell incident; and the idea that the MIB might be aliens themselves became part of the myth. What I have to say about it is that it's hardly unusual for the ones in power at any time in history to use intimidating looking people to intimidate other people. In other words, what I'm saying is that the great mystery of the Men In Black is no mystery at all...but of course I say that as the Chicorium Oddities website's resident skeptic...stern staunch rationalist face"
SarahWideLoaf: "Glad you're with us again SlickieBoi13. Was worried you lost interest...or (gasp!) got abducted and mind altered by aliens! The Men in Black seem to have gone the way of the dinosaurs beginning in the 2000s. The general consensus amongst we followers of the paranormal is that Hollywood movies made them not so abnormal and scary...so with the "freak factor" of them gone, they weren't needed anymore...or ARE they? Maniacal laughter face"
666Buttnik: "The Men In Black seem to have been replaced by the People In Grey...or PIG for short, and they earn that title. And also they aren't a mystery, but they ARE just as intimidating. They are from the Department Of Defense, and they flat-out will tell you that as they threaten to have you taken to some old abandoned building to be interrogated for goodness knows how long. Angry, about to become a full-fledged Anarchist face!"
SlickieBoi13: "I saw two of them! Or at least I think they were them. I saw them at the big event at the Fair Grounds the other day. One of them looked like a Government guy. He was a tall, clean-shaved Asian featured man. The other was a taller blond white woman. She looked like a model, but she was clearly with the man and they both wore dark gray suits. It's cool that I saw something that's a topic of this website. But then it also kinda of sucks that they are just regular people. Thought for a second that it might have been my first paranormal sighting. Disappointed face"
WortyJim575: "No don't be disappointed kid, you DID see something paranormal, and you would have known that was the case if you tried to take a pic of the pretty blond femboi. Or woman. Or whatever. It would have been just like the case with Kid Mystery. No pics or vid can be taken of them. Trust me I tried. Got nothing but white-wash, like what's typical with alien encounters"
FastFreddie: "So you're phone had a glitch and it's aliens. Riiiiiiight. Rolling my eyes face"
WortyJim575: "Shut your flapping lips SLOWfreddie! So I guess my and about a hundred other people's phones here in town are all glitching when taking pics or vids of Kid Mystery and the feminine man in Grey? GTFO bro, you seriously don't belong on this site!"
FastFreddie: "Chicorium Oddities is for anyone interested in whatever general weirdness is associated with this town and with the wide world of weirdness too...bro...so I won't be Getting TFO. Deal with it! I am here because I, like the rest of you, am interested in strange phenonmena...it's just that I try to be realistic and not jump right to the conclusion that aliens, ghosts, angels or demons, and other not-backed-by-science things are behind every out of place occurrence"
WortyJim575: "You're realistic huh? So dismissing me, and SarahWideLoaf, and LOAFalive, and 666Buttnik, and PlugUgly, and 333LastTransmission, and dozens of others who use this chat when they say that they can't get still or video captures of certain people or beings is being realistic to you? BS! It's being willfully ignorant! I say I know what your problem is. Everybody around you is having incredible encounters with different dimensions and the amazing beings that come from them and you're not. And that makes you mad. So you're not being rational at all. You're just a pathetic little kid who is jealous of everyone else"
SarahWideLoaf: "Now don't respond to that Freddie or else it will turn into a another big argument like before. There's room for both of you and all sorts of views on the strange things of the universe on this site. So anyway, the People in Gray have been talked about in other places and just recently been seen in town. I too saw the Asian man and the blond woman(?) at the West Side Hub last night and before at the fair too; and I too couldn't take a pic of them (they're both together all the time, so it could be one or both of them that have that peculiar effect on image taking devices). Other people in Chicorium claim to have seen at least two different individuals in dark gray suits; and a dark gray "government looking" sedan has been seen here and there. It may or may not be strange. These people could be from the DOD, or another government agency, or just lawyers or corporate types. Who knows for sure?"
IamPug: "I know for sure! Man, talk about good timing, I got on here just in time to see you guys talking about the PIGs. And I had an experience with them early this morning! I was on my typical jogging route and going past the home of the luscious Egypt Waddell when I was accosted by two professional looking types in regular clothes, one of which started barking orders at me wanting me to give up my phone...I was like hell no, but the barky loud one was like, "we're Federal Operatives and we don't play games!"...then the other Fed-head, who was playing the good cop I guess, tells me to just keep going and that they're just looking into coffee smuggling. Then get this. Their Chinese or Korean or whatever boss is there RIGHT ON ME without a hint of him being there. He's got the professional Fed look and a dark grey suit and everything, and he tells his two lackeys that they're done and gotta vamos. And then he looks at me with an icy cold stare that just froze me to that spot man! I thought I was a dead hombre for real! But then he just smiles and tells me to have a nice day"
FastFreddie: "Uh...ok...so did you follow them to see if the tall blond was with them, or where they went?"
IamPug: "Dude, I just said that I thought I would be a dead man! Or one of those people who gets disappeared by the government. Same thing really. I watched from the road as the three Fed-heads went around to the back of Egypt's place, and then I didn't see them again or want to see them again, because as soon as they couldn't see me I was like addios and I was out of there! But get this. I did take a few pictures of the three Federales. Wait a second while I upload them"
666Buttnik: "So you were jogging but had your phone out while going past Egypt Waddell's place...who happens to be one of the most beautiful regular females around, right up there with Diesel Feinman. Hmmmmmmmmm, me suspects you were looking to get pics of something other than Government Operatives. But still, as one who didn't personally see any of these people, I'm glad someone got a pic of them...excited anticipation face!"
WortyJim575: "I'm with Buttnik. It will be good to see and share the faces of who from the Government we have to watch out for"
SlickieBoi13: "?...it's been like 5 minutes IamPug"
IamPug: "Dude I know, it's just taking forever to upload for some reason. Ok now, it completed while I was typing, so here you go..."
All transmissions and activities ended. Chicorium Oddities website goes down until the next morning. The pics of Mr. Hue and Honda and Suzuki all show up as pics of the Insane Clown Posse every time they're attempted to be uploaded anywhere.
Suspicion of the Government intensifies.
~ On the eve of invasion, at the Councilor's office ~
"Well this is weird...this is the place where we end up at the end of a mission, not where we begin one" -quipped Winter as he fidgeted in his wooden folding chair, trying to get comfortable.
"That's because I brought you here not to start your next mission, but to tell you that we're going to be raided by about ten-thousand Angels from the other Heaven"
"Que?...ten-thousand you say?"
"Give or take a thousand"
Our four heroes were in shock; and it took a while for any of them to speak, but Drew finally asked:
"Because of us?"
The Councilor laughed.
"No dudester, not because of you guys...it's actually because of something I did as a little assist during the last mission"
"So it's not because of us but it is..just indirectly so" -was Drew's wry response.
"Well whatever or whoever we're getting raided because of can be sorted out later...right now we have to know what the plan of defense is, where we fit into that plan, the physical location or locations of where we need to be, the equipment we will need and any specialized training we'll need in order to use that equipment...we'll also need to know how to coordinate with our forces...the I-Angels...and what to do if the Final Protective Line (FPL) gets overrun, and also the main avenue or avenues of approach...there's probably a hundred more things that we'll have to be caught up to speed on since my experience only includes my time in the U.S. Army...so how many days do we have till they arrive?"
"Oh, the first of them will get here about 11 minutes from now..." -once again, the Force was left speechless with shock- "...well I have preparations to complete, so go back out to the hall where you'll receive instructions on how to deal with the coming situation"
The Force thought that their I-Angel would be waiting outside for them, but it was actually:
"Don't call me that!...look, I don't have time to trade verbal jabs with you buffoons because time is short and the situation is dire, so I'll be firing off crucial information to you like a machinegun, so you got to listen well and stay focused...especially you Barney since you're the one with military experience and thus in charge of your little group...you guys will be put at the WP Gate...it's not just the main avenue of approach..it's the ONLY avenue of approach from the other Heaven..and it's also the FPL..so if they get through there, then the battle's lost...we'll go there now"
And just like that, they were all there.
Each Force member had it in their minds that any Gate of Heaven would be a tall and wide affair made with huge gold or diamond beams; and that it would be set on a base of clouds. They were surprised to see that something that should be an imposing structure was simply a normal white painted door that was solid (no peep holes, or window openings, or mail slots, etc) and in the middle of the quantum particle "desert" that they had been to before.
"Ok, so the gate is on the other side of this door right?" -asked Drew.
"No, the door IS the Gate"
"Com'mon mang..you said this situation was mucho importante, but then you wanna play a joke on us!?"
"Dude, there seriously isn't any time...you don't know how things work around here and I'm not going to explain it to you now..." -he then opened the door, and what was on the other side was what was truly imposing. It was a section of the desert extending about ten meters from the door and a little over two times it's width; and all around it was vast darkness- "...ok now get over there...don't let anyone through...and stay on the particles!"
The Force went to the other side; with Winter saying as he went:
"There's not much room there...just the five of us can fit with room to fight but not much more"
"There's plenty of room, don't worry about it"
"So we're getting the full power-up right?...what else do we get?" -asked Barney.
"You'll get enough power to fight an Archangel...which is alot...and here...all of you..hold out a hand" -he then placed a small object in each of our heroes' hands; closing each hand up as he went. Then closed the door; with him being on the inside.
After a few seconds Barney reached out and tried to turn the handle.
"Hey what the hell man, you locked us out!"
"Quit screwing around, there's a war coming you know!" -cried out Winter.
After a few seconds the door handle turned (to the relief of the Force) and the door opened...
but only enough for WC to stick his hand out and hang a little sign that read: "Do not Disturb" on the outer handle. Then the door shut and was locked again.
"He's just being who he is...the littlest turd in the biggest punch bowl...he'll be back with whoever else is fighting with us at the last second...besides, we're powered up, so we got this even without anyone's help" -were Barney's reassuring words.
"Yeah, and he gave us some weapons too...what did you all get" -asked Dru as he opened his hand to reveal...
a plastic figurine with the general appearance of an I-Angel (slender body, long blond hair, pale skin, and a long, flowing, pure white robe).
Dru was speechless, but Drew said:
"Wha?" -and then he opened his hand and everyone saw a small bottle of orange-hued liquid. A label stuck to one side had a picture of some oranges and flower blossoms on it and small writing.
In Barney's hand was a black haired and dark skinned I-Angel figurine; and when he pushed it's butt, the mouth opened and a little red, oval shaped object came out of it. A scent of cherry wafted about the "air" around the four men.
"What's that, some kind of air freshener?...don't eat it!" -warned Winter.
But it was too late and Barney popped it in his mouth fully expecting to have to spit it right out...
but he didn't, and seemed to really savor whatever it was.
"It's a candy...I guess...I hope...but it's really good...like so good I can't even describe it...it's like I'm tasting a whole bucket of the sweetest cherries ever!"
Dru pushed the "butt" of his candy dispenser, and out came a dark brown candy; emitting a scent of chocolate.
"Hey let me have that man...I'm a choco-holic from way back"
"You ain't the only chocoholic Greeny...and how about 'can I have that please'...plus you might have an Angel PEZ thing of your own"
That brought the thing in Winter's hand to his own attention, and he looked to see what it was.
"'Quantum Bar...A high energy meal replacement or meal supplement bar packed with the power of manna, plus other essential nutrients...and you don't have to wander in a desert for 40 years to get it...proudly made and presented to you by Councilor Industries'...this a sick joke or what?"
"My little bottle of liquid is made by Councilor Industries too...check on those candy toy things"
Dru and Barney both looked at their dispensers.
"There's writing on the bottom but it's too small to read"
"No puedo leer"
"So we're supposedly able to fight top tier Angels but we can't read fine print?...I think we're screwed guys" -Winter said; with all the sense of doom implied in the words driven in to the tone in which they were said.
"We'll be ok...the King of Jagoffs can't be trusted, but the Councilor..as silly as he can be..will keep his word about making sure we can handle whatever comes our way" -said Barney, not sounding too terribly confident.
Suddenly three lights appeared in close proximity to each other in the darkness. Drew was the first to notice them as he raised an arm and pointed.
"Were those three dots there before?..holy cra!..." -and he couldn't finish the statement because in between the time when he said the first word and "before", the tiny dots of light had become the size of beach balls due to how close they had come in that small a space of time.
Then the dust kicked up as a tremendous crack of thunder mixed in with the sound of something hitting the patch of "desert" roared in the odd place.
"What have we here?...these are not Intermediate Angels"
"They have the stink of the mortal realm to them, so they're welcome mats as far as I'm concerned"
"Oh don't be so mean Camael...they're obviously Mister Councilor's little experiments...handsome experiments at that"
The first Archangel (all three were Archangels) to speak had long straight, platinum colored hair and was dressed in a pure white robe like most of the other Angels our four heroes had seen so far. Also like most of the other Angels they had seen till then, the Being was tall and slender and had an androgynous face. A giant sword in a sheath hung on the Divine Being's side from a wide golden belt. The 3rd to speak had the same general appearance of the first, except with curly black hair, and a tight (as opposed to loose) robe, that ended at mid-thigh instead of at the feet. That Being's finger and toe nails were also painted cherry red; whereas the Force had never seen any other Angel's nails with colored polish on them.
Camael had not been seen yet since that Being was behind the other two; but right away it was distinguished from the others by the voice. It was strangely computer generated/mechanical sounding. There was a high frequency background buzzing associated with it; and it shifted pitch wildly. It was quite unnerving to our heroes...which was bad enough...but the worst was yet to come.
"Keep silence Cassiel, and observe while I destroy these intruders into our beloved Divine territory in an instant"
From behind the two visible Angels arose the upper torso of a humanoid-looking...
But not an organic creature. It's "skin" was a glossy pure white material of some type that was incredibly rigid, but flexed as easily as fabric and stretched as easily as rubber. It had two black circles for eyes; but no nose, or a mouth, or hair, or any other things resembling the typical features found on a human head. Going lower, there were no nipples or a bellybutton. And there was seemingly no lower torso either. The waistline just kept expanding upwards until the fingertips (6 on each hand) on each hung straight down to each side and palm faced forward hand was several feet above where they would normally be on a regular human. All in all, the head of Archangel Camael was at least a full five meters above the heads of the other very tall (7 feet minimum; with Cassiel being the shortest of the three there) Archangels.
Suddenly the two eyes of Camael merged into a large black single eye; and the Being said:
"The Single eye sees all truth...targets have been confirmed...elimination shall commence"
In a swift series of moves, the two companions of Camael turned sideways and got as close to the edges of the desert portion as they could get. This action finally revealed the lower half of the white glossy Archangel. From the perspectives of the Force, it was just a featureless lump on the sand that was about one and a half times the width of the widest part (outer ends of the shoulders) of the upper torso, and about as tall as the middle of the two other Archangels. From the center of it's visible mass, a dark circular spot occured; but it wasn't another eye, since it appeared to be an opening. Out of it shot four glossy white tentacles whose ends expanded to large flat-faced disks not far from their point of origin.
Each of the roughly one meter diameter hammer ends flew right to the center of each of the Force members at such a speed that they had no time to react. They could only watch as the means of their destruction came up to them in a flash...
only to stop barely an inch away from them.
Camael's big eye became two small eyes again as it retracted it's weapons. Then all at once, four more eyes appeared in the head, two in the center of the chest, and one in the centers of each palm. The Being's companions who were just observing...with the as yet un-named one with a blank expression, and Cassiel with a small smile...now changed their looks after the failed attack; with both now looking somewhat concerned. But they kept their positions; indicating that another attack was forthcoming. Barney picked-up on this indication, and yelled to his compatriots:
"Get ready guys!..another one incoming!"
No sooner had he said those words, that Camael's multiple eyes became a large Single eye again. Barney held the arm with the candy dispenser out and braced for the next attack...not because he thought that the object would protect him, but because it was in his favored hand...the right one. But the other's didn't know that, and they all held their Councilor Industries products out against the assaults of the Archangel. A milisecond later, the attack came; but not from the lower part. A large dark orifice opened in the mouth area, and out of it shot a stream of white, golden-tinged fire. It enveloped our heroes; and not just them as a group, but each individual one too. Any observer of this horrific sight would have thought for sure that the Force would have been burned to a crisp in seconds, and turned to ashes in at most ten seconds. But the Force had not even a single hair on their heads (hair on his goatee for Dru) singed. Neither did they feel the pleasant temperature they each felt (it was relative to each individual member) change whatsoever.
After several seconds of this attempted roasting, Camael ceased the attack, and the Single eye was replaced with a great multitude of smaller eyes all over the Being's body.
"I see no outside influence that could shield these creatures from my attacks...recalculating pattern of..hey!...come back here Cassiel, you're entering the kill zone!"
"Oh give it a rest will ya, your mortal world based attacks won't work on these beings..Mother has clearly granted them protection even though they remain autonomous of Her like how the regular mortal humans are..." -Cassiel approached Barney first (since he was out furthest by a few inches) and took hold of his still outstretched hand. The Archangel looked closely at the object in it and saw that a little blue candy was at the ready to be taken. Then saying in a soft, feminine voice- "...I know this Earth smell...it's what's called raspberry..." -looking to the right, he saw that Dru was holding another candy dispenser, but without a little treat protruding from the mouth area. Going over to Drew, the Being pulled the cap off the bottle, and out of it spewed an orange and flowery scent- "...ah!...candy and perfume!...let me see what the handsome dark haired one has...hopefully it's jewelry..." -by now our heroes had calmed down seeing that the pretty Divine Being wasn't going to attack them- "...well darling..let's see it..." -Winter held out his arm and opened his palm- "...more candy?" -reaching out to take the foil wrapped bar, both Cassiel and Winter were surprised to watch it disappear all of a sudden.
"Sorry Cassy, it hasn't been taste tested yet...plus it's a proprietary recipe of Councilor Industries..." -the Councilor was just right there beside the Archangel- "...and you look as fetching as ever my dear"
Cassy didn't have time to respond to/return the Councilor's compliment, for a large tentacle-like appendage from Camael was in mid-motion of crashing down on the latter. Simultaneously, the business end of a gigantic sword (just the width of the blade was as wide as the Councilor's midsection) came right at his chest. The speed of the attacks was so fast that the Force could not even properly observe it. Their "seeing" of it was of the tiny particles of the ground rising up to form two massively thick shiny metal shields that quickly dissipated after they were not needed.
"Stop you big oafs, I'm trying to bask in the glow of a handsome male's appreciation!"
The sword wielder ceased attacking, but Camael...who had sprouted 8 spider legs; one of which it had used as the tentacle weapon...seemed determined to renew it's assault"
"Recalculating parameters for dealing with..."
"Oh no you don't!" -and with that said, a flimsy black and hot-pink kind of thing appeared in Cassy's left hand, and it was thrown at the still aggressive Archangel, where it partially engulfed it's shiny plastic-y head right as the Single eye appeared.
It was a pair of panties.
"What?..." -the Archangel used eyes on it's hands to better observe the thing covering it's head- "...Cassiel how dare you!"
"Come on Camael and Micheal..you know it's pointless fighting me...especially on my own territory"
"The stains on the face of the Divine realm shall be removed!" -said as Camael was using both of it's hands and all of it's legs to try and remove the panties.
"Calm down Camael, we're outclassed here...plus I was just keeping you on your toes 'quack'..." -the Councilor's real Divine name came out as the sound of a duck- "...what?...oh I forgot, you don't like the name you were given and I suppose you don't want your...underlings..to know it"
"You know it bro"
"Micheal is an Archangel!...not some mortal 'bro'!...and you are not some silly mortal Councilor..you..sadly enough..are Archangel 'quack'!...ahhhhhhhhhh, curse your stupid animal sounds, you post mortal fool!...you!..."
"It's ok Camael, calm yourself..we're technically guests here...let's not continue to get sidetracked from why we came to this place to begin with...well just you and I...Cassiel tagged along just hoping for an interesting time...we on the other hand have been tasked with turning back all the lower level Angels who found out about what Yeshua God did to two among their ranks, and what role 'quack'...ah, the Councilor had in the affair"
"Oh yeah..speaking of that, you won't have to worry about turning back any Angels from your side...mah boi Jesus is slammin the pavement all up in your hood right as we talkin dawg"
"Ah...I'm not familiar with recent mortal human slang talk and colloquialisms...could you please rephrase that"
"He's saying that we need to get our booties back to our Heaven right now..." -with just a look, the panties on Camael's head disappeared- "...and to you Councilor and your spicy good looking minions..."
"We're the Force...the Babe Protection Force..." -proudly announced Winter with a smile- "...I'm Winter...otherwise known as the smoothest and best looking Force member...it's a pleasure to gaze upon your beautiful self"
"Never mind him..he's all cash and no flash...I'm Dru...D to the R to the U...and I don't need to tell anyone how smooth and good looking I am...it's obvious...and it's a pleasure to meet a hottie like you too"
"I'm Drew too...not the number 2 that is...but D, R, E, W...I'm glad we met and got along...and not that I think your appearance is the sum total of who you are..but you are quite stunning"
"I'm Barney...it's a pleasure...and I'm glad we weren't the recipients of your...interesting..attack"
"The Babe Protection Force...I see..what a spicy crew you've gathered Councilor...well I'll make it a point to see you later, Babe Protection Force...farewell darlings"
And then the Archangel left (the other two had already gone) in reverse order of how the Being came; for once it stepped into the darkness, it became a large ball of pure white light and then speeded off to become small enough as to be imperceptible in a mere moment.
"Wow...what an amusing experience for you guys, huh"
The Councilor turned around while saying that and was met by the hard glares of our heroes.
"Amusing wasn't quite the word I had in mind!" -growled out Barney.
"Yeesh!...why the anger guys?...I totally said you'd be good in a fight with even an Archangel"
"We defended is all...that's hardly a proper fight in my book" -pointed out Barney.
"And we were scared shitless while defending ourselves man...it's one thing to know what you can do when the throw-down happens, and another to not know if you can handle it when freakin damn flames come at you!" -added Dru.
"Well...now you know" -said the Councilor in an anti-climactic way.
"Wait a second...during the mission before the one we just completed you totally wrecked Drew H and Barney...but you're an Archangel..that's what the one compensating for whatever with the ridiculously big sword called you"
"Now why you gotta bring that up Winter?...that's from back then..and I didn't enjoy doing that...I'm a big ol' softie like that"
"Just answer him" -said Dru, sounding serious but not insistent.
"I...am a special class of Archangel...that is to say..I am an Archangel...but I'm not...you see..when a mortal gets to the Divine realm by Translation and not through death then..oh but there's that if the Translation is by the One known as God or by the Son of the One known as God...and don't let that word Son fool you...a mortal female can be the Son too...and you have to consider whether..."
"Just..." -Barney held his hand up halfway- "...tell us who else can mop the floor with us"
"Well God of course...but for various reasons you won't run into the Source of All...then there's Jesus..and He's back, so you probably will run into Him sooner than later...Archangel Metatron is one like me who was Translated, so he's got some more skills compared to other Archangels...but he's the most chilled Heavenly Being ever...and that's about it...BUT!...understand that when you're doing right, nothing opposing you will prevail...bank on that...but if you do what is not right...well let's just say that the best that can happen will be that I'll be there to pick up your pieces"
The weight of those last words hung heavy on long pause following them; and was lifted when Drew said:
"It's funny...I didn't believe in stuff like Heaven or Angels or an afterlife, or any sort of thing like that until I came here...and I still find it hard to believe in a god or the biblical Jesus"
"Well blond Drew, God and Jesus of the Bible aren't what most people have ever thought they were...but they ARE real...perhaps creations of the mortal human mind...but a landmine is a creation of the human mind..but does that make it any less real to the person who steps on it?..." -our four heroes had thoughtful moments; until the Councilor said in his usual positive way- "...well lets go back in guys, I'm about done preparing your awesome next mission!" -and then he opened the door.
"I hope it's an easy one"
"Didn't peg you for a slacker Barney"
"I'm not, I just don't want to have to run around avoiding everybody again"
As the group moved into Quantum Heaven's domain, Drew noticed that there was something in his one pocket that he was sure wasn't there before the whole harrowing incident began. Reaching in, he pulled out a pair of pure white silky bikini panties...and they had red writing on them.
"Hey handsome, come over and see me in my Heaven sometime. Bring your friends too! We'll have a party like you've never seen before. I'll show you many amazing things over here...like for instance the Garden of Names where the names of all Divine Beings are kept. Hint hint" -and there was a pair of "kissy" lip prints pressed on at the end.
"What's that Drew H?..you had some white cloth in case we had to surrender?" -and then Winter finished with a small laugh.
Drew quickly crumpled the undergarment in his hand and put it back in his pocket.
"It's just a paper towel is all"