How does it taste? It's very difficult to describe but I'll try. The warm sticky substance fills my mouth. Thick and nourishing, I can't live without it. I must consume it. At first, it gushes inside, propelled by force until the fluid begins to trickle as the pump gives out. Large globs taper off to little droplets on my tongue. That's when I have to slurp a little bit and things can get messy. Getting the last few drops out before the tap stops completely. It's salty and a little sweet, but always the subtle flavor of copper underneath. I try to maintain cleanliness, but it's not always possible. Me and my family have familiars to help us out with that. Crows, rats, ravens, bats, mice, spiders. Creatures of that nature. They tend to hang around us and I don't mind. I like those kinds of things. It also helps keep you away and from not bothering us when we don't want to be bothered.

Each time I have it, there are small differences, depending on where it came from. Sometimes there's a little heat from jalapenos and peppers. Other times its siracha and soy, or fire-roasted tomatoes and feta. The subtle taste of the sea and its crustacean or fish counterparts. Or fresh glacial water and wild game from deep in the forest. Potatoes, corn, and wheat from the mid-west, citrus, and rum from the Caribbean. Coconut, mango, and papayas from the tropics and grapes, strawberries and rhubarb from more Northern parts. I never tire of trying out flavors because even if I find it in the North it doesn't always taste of grapes, strawberries, and rhubarb. I love that I never know exactly what I'm going to get when I choose my meal. I think that in part, helps keep me young. But it may be how hard I have to work to get my next sip.

I can't walk into a grocery store and pick it out. They don't stock bottles of it on the shelf. At least not yet. We are working on making that a reality. Instead, I have to find it in the street, follow it home or somewhere it feels safe. Only to lure it out to me so I can feed. It can get exhausting.

I admit. Sometimes we don't fight fair. We lure our prey with a party or pizza. Everyone loves free pizza, or tacos, or ice cream. Or a great dance party. Those things are all great motivators to get a crowd. Once the crowd descends and we think we have enough prey, we lock it in a room and gorge ourselves. Thank goodness we have our friends that we call the cleaners to clean up after us or more of you would notice our presence. What is this amazing thing I speak of, you ask? Blood, of course. If you haven't guessed it yet, I'm a vampire.

Vampires have been around since the dawn of man. No one knows exactly how we were created only that we are. We feed on humanity, keeping the population in check. Although lately, we have not been able to do our job. There were several vampiric hunts throughout the medieval ages and although we are very good at hiding, there were far too many humans already and you found us out. We almost went into extinction and have only now begun to replenish our numbers. We've been working on a plan to cull the roughly 7 billion humans on the planet. You are killing it, so you, my dear mankind, must be killed. Our leaders have been devising a plan to decide which of you will live and die. Us underlings are not privy to such information so I have no idea how it's going to go about. I only know that when they call, we must be ready.

So why am I telling you all of this? If we are all supposed to die why are you broadcasting on the internet? Most humans will think this is all a bunch of hocus pocus, especially because it coincides with the time of year you like to call October or Halloween season. But for the few that take this blog seriously, you shall be saved. I am leaving specific instructions here that you must do in order to be counted among the humans that shall live. When we come for you, if you haven't done what I've laid out for you below, you are as good as dead. But then again, we might decide to change you if we like you. I'm not saying it WILL happen only that it COULD happen. OK,

1- First you must anoint your house using our sacred herbs. We can smell them when we are near and will know you have knowledge of us. In a jar mix the herbs to make a paste and paint it around your windows and doors. They are as follows:

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YOU WILL DISREGARD ANYTHING THAT IS WRITTEN ON THIS BLOG TODAY! IT IS ALL MADE UP. A SAD JOKE BY THE AUTHOR DONE FOR ATTENTION. THEY HOWEVER HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT AND ARE IN FACT A CRIMINAL. DISREGARD OR WE WILL FIND YOU AND CHARGE YOU WITH ACCESSORY.