On the top page, I addressed the note to Alexander, and wrote:
But I can't live any longer.
I want to… but I gave up…
I'm tired of fighting.
I'm tired of living every day without him.
I want to see him again.
I want to see them.
You were the greatest person I've ever met.
But you have to forget me.
But this is where I say goodbye…
My hands were shaking while I was writing it. My handwriting looked super messy, but I didn't care about that.
I cared that I was going to be happy soon, leaving this living hellhole I never wanted to be in.
I went downstairs towards Alexander's room. I didn't hear him crying anymore, so I prayed that he was asleep. I slipped the note under his door, and bolted upstairs. If he was awake, I didn't want him to run after me.
I reached the hallway, where I left my favorite blue gun. There was some ammo right next to it. Since the gun didn't have any bullets in it, I had to quickly reload it.
Just as I finished reloading my gun, I heard Alexander. "ZOE!" He screamed. I could hear him running up the stairs already.
I didn't want him to catch up to me, so I quickly ran into my room. I forgot to lock the door, I slammed it shut, and I backed into the room. Then, I raised the gun to my head.
I was trying to get the courage to pull the trigger, but my hands were trembling, and I started to cry.
What the hell was keeping me from doing this? I just want to die!
Suddenly, Alexander burst through the door. I wasn't expecting him to do that. I let out a small scream as I jumped back and dropped my gun. The gun hit the floor, which caused the trigger to be pressed and a bullet shot against the wall.
Alexander stared at me with a bewildered expression on his face. Then he ran over to me, and hugged me. He began to cry, it was the most I've ever seen him cry. He was on a breakdown.
I didn't hug him back yet. I was still in complete shock, and scared about what just happened. I was just staring at him, trying to process what had happened, but it was no use. It made my head hurt.
"D-DON'T LEAVE ME!-" Alexander barely managed to speak through his sobs.
This made me feel even more heavy than I already felt, and I didn't want to feel it. I wanted to die, I was ready to die. I didn't want Alexander to stop me.
"WHY?! WHY DO YOU EVEN WANT ME AROUND?! I'VE DONE NOTHING EXCEPT YELL AT YOU ALL THE TIME… I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON…" I started to sob heavily. Then, I tried to break free from the hug and reach my gun on the floor.
Alexander hugged me tighter, probably so I couldn't escape, and kicked the gun to the other side of the room. "I DON'T CARE! WE'VE BOTH MADE MISTAKES," Alexander was still a complete mess.
I just stared at him in complete shock, but in a good way, I guess. He saw through all of the mistakes I've done, and at the end of the day… he still cares about me…? I didn't think I deserved it, because I think I've made way too many mistakes. But Alexander? He's made fewer mistakes than me, but his mistakes were a lot more extreme than mine, and I saw through his mistakes. I forgave him, and only cared about the person he was. I guess he does the same for me.
I started to have a breakdown, and finally hugged Alexander back. He stayed silent, and just kept hugging me.
It took a long while for me to calm down. But when I finally did, I looked at Alexander, straight in the eyes. "Why do you care…?" I asked.
"B-Because… I-I…" Alexander paused, and then took a deep breath.
"I-I love you…"
I stared at Alexander in complete shock, I could feel my face starting to blush a bit, and I felt that warm fuzzy feeling again, but it was stronger than ever. It made me feel happy, but confused at the same time. I never expected to hear those words from Alexander, directed towards me. I never thought that he would love someone that constantly yells at him, ignores him, makes him worry…
But he doesn't care about that. Just like how I don't care about his bad qualities, either. I swear that's the most common habit with love.
"I… I love you too… I'm sorry…" I finally replied. I started to cry again and hugged Alexander tighter. Alexander kept hugging me tightly.
It was quicker this time for the both of us to calm down. We both just stood there for a few moments, we were still hugging each other, we both just loosened our grip. I don't think that any of us wanted to let go.
But then, Alexander stopped hugging me, and stepped back. He looked completely nervous, too.
I was super confused. I had no idea what Alexander was thinking about. I just stared at him with a puzzled look.
After about a minute, Alexander stepped forward, and… a-and…
He placed his hands on my shoulders, and kissed me…
I was really surprised for a couple of seconds, but I quickly gave in. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around him.
I-I'm just going to describe afterwards… I don't like describing scenes like this…
After we were done, I stepped back and clutched my arm tightly. My face was completely red, and I looked at the ground. I glanced up at Alexander every now and then, but then quickly went back to looking at the ground.
Alexander stayed in the same place he was standing, since I backed up first. His face was completely red too, and he still looked super nervous.
After a few minutes of silence, I suddenly spoke up. "G-Geez old man… I didn't know you were a tomato along…" I joked.
Alexander chuckled but still remained nervous and awkward. It was silent for a couple more minutes. During that time, I could see Alexander's expression changed to a sad one. "P-Please don't leave me…" Alexander murmured as he began to cry once more.
"I won't… I promise you, I won't…" I hugged Alexander in an attempt to reassure him.
"How can I b-be sure of that… when you said you wanted to kill yourself while you were on the streets, I-I didn't think y-you still did…" Alexander just continued to cry.
"I wasn't sure that you would stay either, y'know… so I didn't think you even cared about me… I thought I would be alone again…" I began to sob and get boiled up.
"O-OF COURSE I DO… I-I made you think I didn't…" Alexander started to cry even more, most likely out of guilt.
"Shhh… calm down… I'm not mad at you… I don't think that anymore…" I hugged Alexander a bit tighter.
"G-Good…" Alexander was calming down a little bit.
I let go from the hug, and couldn't help but glance at the picture of me and Zeke again. It made me feel like I wanted to live, to strive to be happy, to be there for Alexander… I have a future ahead of me, and I almost ruined it…
I started to cry, and I laid down on my bed. It slowly became a major breakdown. Alexander was still crying a little bit, but he laid down next to me, and hugged me tight.
"I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" I whispered repeatedly.
"Shhh… calm down, it's okay… I'm not mad at you… I forgive you" Alexander comforted me.
I calmed down a little bit, but I was still crying. "I don't like making you sad… and I don't like yelling at you…"
"I-It's okay… I understand…" Alexander reassured me.
I still wasn't fully convinced, and continued to rant. "I ignored you to try and prevent that from happening… but it happened anyway…"
"It doesn't matter… all that matters is that we won't leave each other, right…?" Alexander remarked.
"Y-Yeah…" I then gave him a genuine smile. "I want to stay for a while…" I told him.
"M-Me too…" Alexander smiled back, despite him still crying a little.
We were sitting up on my bed now. I was getting really sleepy. So I kissed Alexander's cheek and leaned against his shoulder. "I love you, goodnight…" I drifted off to sleep.
"Love you too…" Alexander replied quietly. He put his arm around me, and was still crying a little.
I don't remember much after that. But here we are, the present. This all happened just a few months ago. I still have my ups and downs, Alexander has his ups and downs, but we're okay. We're happy. We're okay. It'll take time for the both of us to get over everything, but I know we will. In fact, I'm happy right now. My birthday is coming up soon. So I'm pretty excited. I'll be a legal adult! Not like it matters in a zombie apocalypse, but it's still something exciting to look forward to. I have a future to look forward to. And it's just starting.
I want to thank you reader, for sticking to the end of this story. I was worried that nobody would read this, since this covers various different genres that are mashed into one. But if you stuck around, then thank you, it means a lot to me, especially because I worked on this non-stop for about 3 months. I want to thank my friend, EllieTheDuck, for helping me with this. She's the creator of Alexander, and made this story with me. I just did all of the writing.
Thank you, everyone, for everything.