Sometimes I forget

That you are not here anymore

I wake up thinking

The world is like before

I smile and laugh without a care

Revel in the sun's warmth on my face

Go about my regular routine

Bask in the day's cheerful embrace

Then comes a reminder

Of all that has happened

And everything is a blur

A maelstrom of memories blackened

The trigger could come from anywhere

A flowerless card on the sill of my window

Or the smell of oatmeal raisin cookies

Even a new song on the radio

The loss of you comes into sharp focus

The sun now turns cold and deceptive

It feels like a betrayal

Now that you no longer live

You were torn from me

Ever present no longer

I curse the day that dealt the mortal blow

That changed my life forever

I dwell on the things you won't get to see

Even just this first year

Me being handed my diploma

This Christmas you won't be here

Dread sprouts in the pit of my stomach

I want to throw something against the wall

As I look at photos taken not so long ago

Where you're happy and healthy and all

I feel a hand on my shoulder

And let myself be enveloped in a hug

They make me feel safe

In their arms I'm snug

I will love you for always

As long as I'm living you'll be in my heart

I'm forced to say goodbye for now

Moving forward is a start