The sweetness on your lips, as if they were kissed by honey. The sweat on your brow as your face twists and curves with thought and anticipation. You try to mark down exactly how you feel and i can't help but wonder as my mind begins to tick and spin. How do you feel? How i wonder, when things look so clear, as if the rain washed away the murkiness of mud that clumped at my feet. When i feel light, so light i fear for my safety, as i float among the clouds in the highness you bring to me. For my feelings are known to me, in the crisp clutter of my head, how you seem to clear that clutter of my mind and turn it into something else, something tangible and real. Something to hold within my grasp, oh how i know how i feel.
I question my sanity, oh how the questions fill the dark spaces with their shaky webs, spiders dancing in their silk, filling me with their dark and poisonous bite, for i can't help but wonder, how do you feel? Where does your heart lay you beautiful flower, for you think your petals wilted, burned and charred as the ashes and remnants of the past dance in the wind in some kind of mocking show for everyone to gawk. You see, you think yourself damaged, broken into tiny segments, so far gone it is beyond repair. It feels as if only i get to glimpse between the cracks, get to see the blinding bright light that sparkles and shines when you smile. I feel i know where you're feelings lie, so when you voice them, voice them from your honey lips for all to hear and see. Shout out with quiet yet unconditioned joy your reckless and unabashed love for me, my sweet.
But, alas, your cracks dim slightly and smile fades as you think, as you remember. Her. The very reason i am unable to hear your sweet voice tell me the very words i long to hear. Her. the very cause of your breaking melancholy. Her. the reason your brow quakes and smile falters. It is her fault you consider yourself broken in the first place, the reason your lips quiver and your eyes fill. She hurt you, she hurt you so bad you believe yourself unworthy, unworthy of my hands clasping your heart in a soft embrace, in fact she is the reason for it's iron chains wrapped tightly around it's beating mass. The one whose name you will not utter, unless you wake from sleep with wide unseeing eyes and her name wrapped firmly around those lips i enjoy so much.
She is the cause of your fear, the reason you believe yourself unworthy of my love. The reason you will not simply utter the phrase i long to hear, for you shake and ache with turbulence, that if you utter those words that they will disappear too, just as she did. Well my love, i am here to tell you, here to claim you with my quiet resilience that i am like the roots of a strong oak, always here, here to keep you upright, for my only desire is to provide you with the nutrients to grow into the man you simply long to become. I refuse to leave your side, i am not a branch, so easily discarded with sudden turbulence, nor am i a leaf, where the slightest gust of wind will make me shake and leave. I wish for you to see, really see me for who i am to you.
Until then i shall wait patiently for you, for your heart to be rid of it's iron prison and be replaced instead with the softness of my hands. I shall treat you with the utmost care. For this gift is better than any present i may ever receive. This gift shows you bare your soul to me. I have already bared mine, the ugly, naked, broken thing that seemed to mend and heal in your grasp. I showed you this in the cover of darkness, not thinking how your radiant shine will not allow me to hide from you, not allow me to cover and bury my shame within me. Yet your hands seemed to mend the ugliness that is my deeper innermost workings. With every caress of your calloused hand you seemed to fix some broken thing within me. You hurt for my past and longed for my present more than anyone i had ever met.
You took my frail body and pressed it gently against yours, you held me still as the cries wracked my small frame, and yet you never stole my breath as i struggled to breath. You simply held me, my head firmly, pressed to your chest as you felt the wetness seep into your soft cotton shirt. Imagine my shock when i felt wetness as well. As you cried not for me, but with me, absorbing my pain into you as you took my tears from the very eyes that created them. For this is the man i have chosen to unburden my heart from it's lock and key in order to give to you. I hope one day, however long that may be, you feel the same. One day i wish to dig into your chest and hold it steady within my hands, for i wish you to bare your soul as i have done with you. I hope you come into your senses and see i only wish to heal your cracks and allow your light to shine uninterrupted by your harsh insecurity. I know why you never utter those words, only in your sleepless nights, when you think my eyes closed and body limp. When i feel the roughness of your fingers rub through the soft strains of my hair, a whispered "I love you."