I had to move on. Not only that, I needed too.
Life wasn't fun always being afraid.
Afraid of going back to the madhouse, afraid of being the one who was insane.
One thing this experience did teach me, was that I couldn't rely on anyone.
Not even myself. Not even my self...
I managed through school, though it was so isolating I wondered how I even survived.
Casey was what the imagined Oisin had told me, a true "Fair Weather" friend. She abandoned me like that, once I had become so reserved, so quiet in myself.
I didn't care, I'd rather have no friends than fake friends.
It was my last week of school, the weather was cold and wet for coming into early summer.
Before I knew it, I was standing in front of my peers as the principal handed me my diploma.
I took it, my face empty of expression.
My parents hanged my diploma on the wall, and we went out for Chinese as a celebration meal.
I sat on the wooden chair, looking around the restaurant as other families had had similar ideas for celebrating the day.
My parents didn't get many words out of me. They feared for my health... my mental health.
I should've too, but I was so withdrawn that my life meant nothing to me.
It wasn't soon later that I started college, just doing a standard arts degree. When my eyes rested on him, I felt myself nearly choke.
He sat further down from me in the English class, but my heart was fluttering in terror as I looked at that handsome young man.
"Oisin...!" I whispered, terrified, and when he turned to see who had said his name, I lifted a book to my face to hide me from view.
When the professor began teaching the class, I dared to lower the book, to see if he was still looking at me.
His eyes widened when he saw mine. I darted my eyes to my book, leaning my head on my hand and trying to face away from him.
The young man stared at me in disbelief for a moment, before the professor made a grumbling in his throat and said to Oisin.
"Mr O'Conner, your attention please?"
He stiffened, glancing back at the older man and nodded his head nervously, picking up his notebook and pen.
When the class ended, I waited for everyone to leave before I too went to the door. When I stepped outside the room to the hallway, I heard his voice say.
"Is that you, Grace?"
I froze up. I looked to the side of me, seeing Oisin standing there, and I shook my head, lying as I began to walk in stiff steps away.
"What's my name?" He asked me, and I tensed up a few feet away from him, mumbling with tears in my eyes.
"Not this... not this anymore."
He held out his hand and touched my shoulder.
"Go away..." I begged and turned to face him, my expression one of pure heartache.
"It is you..." He whispered back and suddenly hugged me tightly. I squirmed in his hold and pushed him away.
"You're not real..." I whispered, and he just laughed, replying.
"I thought you weren't either..."
"You're not!" I yelled and pushed him away in a weak shove.
I began to run in upset steps out of the building and hid behind a wall outside in case he had followed.
"Please make it end..." I begged my mind, "No more madness, no more!"
It had to end, it had to stop. I couldn't keep living like this, no one should.
What's my name?
His voice whispered in my mind of years long ago.
Do you remember my name?
"Y-yes..." I hissed, and spoke in cold words, "Oisin ..."
I nodded my head, tears running down my cheeks and I went out to the cafeteria, picking up something sharp.
As I walked back in his direction, I saw his eyes spot me.
"Grace?" He said and began to run towards me.
I smiled a trembling smile, and he ran to me, hugging me.
That's when I felt it... the stabbing embrace.
I think he felt it too...
I looked down to my stomach, pushing him away gently and seeing a knife poking out of my gut.
I looked at him, as he slowly began to fade away in the air... he was smiling as he waved goodbye to me.
My mouth opened, shocked, as I dropped to my knees and people ran over to me, me haemorrhaging heavily.
And just like that, the voices came back.
I thought I didn't exist anymore to you? His voice hissed in my mind.
What's my name, Grace? WHAT'S MY NAME?!
I closed my eyes as I lay there, collapsing to the ground as people panicked and pulled at me.
All was darkness after a few minutes.
When I opened my eyes again, I was in a ward in a hospital. I slowly turned my head to see that a blood bag was attached to a hook near me. Its wire was connected to my arm and injected into my veins.
I looked around the ward for anyone, someone... and then I saw the pale ghost boy at the end of the bed.
"What's my name?"
His voice played in my brain.
"What is it?"
His piercing eyes stared at me, a sinister grin on his lips.
"Oisin..." I hissed at him, and he grinned wider. I glared at him and yelled, "GO TO HELL!"
He only chuckled and began to approach me, his steps jolly and lively as he came nearer.
"Not without you..."
I watched him, panicking inside as he touched my cheek before fading away.
"Oisin...?" I whispered, "OISIN!"
I leapt up, sitting upright and screamed.
"GET BACK HERE YOU LIAR! GET BACK HERE!"
Nurses came in quickly to restrain me from my frantic kicking and screaming.
Finally, they were able to subdue me with morphine, and I lay there... eyes opened as I stared at the ceiling.
"He's not real..." I uttered to myself, a tear streaming down my cheek, "But he will always be real... to me."
The staff looked at me as I uttered these words, my parents looking at me too.
"To me... he is real..."
They looked at me heartbroken.
I just stared at the ceiling.
"You have to let him go... you have to."
"I don't know how..."
"Pray..." Someone told me, though I forgot who.
"End it, God..." I whispered to myself as I lay in that bed, "Take my pain away..."
My chest began to hurt, and I closed my eyes in peace.
The last thing I heard was a loud continuous flatlining beep.
And his last words in my mind.
I could hear a cackle of laughter...
And then I saw it...
I saw the end.