Scraping a layer off myself

Unmasking the truth beyond my own epidermis

I am colored in words

Unspoken creations bleeding into this world

I will leave my mark whether they want it or not

Drawn into portraits I never belonged in

I wonder if I will ever find myself

Satisfied

With the messes I've made

If I'll ever feel the warmth of a mother's love instead of this cold ache

The drowning of my sobs only covered by the absolute silence that consumes me

When I sit still

If I will eventually learn

Not to strive for her approval

Not to yearn for her praise

I am seeking a nonexistent holy grail

Because my Mary Magdalene would only bathe me in shadows

In bruises beyond the skin I shed

I am wounded from her touch

Scarred from her love

I only wanted

A mother

And this goddamned maternal bullshit

Will forever cloak me if I don't force my eyes to open

If I don't draw attention to the monster in the closet

The metaphorical elephant in the room

I was brought from

A womb that didn't understand

How to love