Chapter 6

Discovering Sebastian standing outside her Intersession classroom was the last thing McKenna expected to see. She didn't even know how he figured out where the class was.

"Sebastian?" McKenna said weakly, unable to look him in the eyes.

"I need to talk to you," Sebastian said with authority.

"Right now?" McKenna foolishly asked.

"Yeah, right now," he said with annoyance.

"I'm heading back home," she reported. "I don't have time."

"To hell with that, McKenna!" There was anger in his voice. "I need to talk to you now."

"Okay, talk," she shrugged, still not looking him in the eyes.

"Not here," he snapped.

"Where, then?" She asked.

"Come with me," "Sebastian ordered, taking her by the elbow and leading her toward the door.

"What do you want me to say?" McKenna cried.

Sebastian didn't respond as he led her to his car parked in the lot, marching her as if she was a death camp prisoner on her way to the gas chamber.

McKenna decided that there was no point arguing or resisting him. He nearly shoved her into the passenger seat, closed her door, and then climbed behind the steering wheel, speeding the car out of the parking lot at a high rate of speed.

"It's okay if you get us killed driving like this," McKenna said. "I want to die anyway."

He didn't respond as he drove the car to the Blue River, parking in a deserted half-plowed parking lot. He kept the car running for warmth in the January cold, turning his head and staring at her.

A cold shiver ran up McKenna's spine. She knew it was going to get ugly real quick. "I feel so sick I want to throw up," McKenna told him, her voice cracking.

Sebastian continued staring at her and she wondered if she might explode from stress and guilt.

"What is it you want to say to me?" McKenna asked.

"What is it you want to say to me?" Sebastian responded with a stern death stare.

"I messed up," McKenna said. "I ruined everything. I have no excuse. I don't blame you for hating me."

"I thought you wanted to be with me," Sebastian said.

"For as long as I can remember," McKenna vowed.

"So what happened?" He demanded.

"What do you mean?" She asked with confusion.

"Why'd you leave?" He growled. "Without a word."

"Didn't Courtney tell you?" McKenna asked with surprise.

"I want to hear it from you."

McKenna groaned and let out a long painful sigh. "Oh, Sebastian, I was selfish and stupid and pathetic," she said, the tears coming freely.

"What happened?" Sebastian demanded.

"You're going to make me say it?" McKenna whimpered.

"The truth," he said.

"Courtney blackmailed me into leaving," McKenna explained. "I had no choice."

"You didn't think she wasn't going to tell me?" Sebastian frowned. "Knowing she was trying to put the moves on me?"

"I knew there was a reason why I couldn't stand her," McKenna sighed with defeat. "She's a total manipulative bitch."

"Why did you do it?" Sebastian asked forcefully.

"It doesn't matter," McKenna sobbed. "I did it. I'm responsible."

"What did you do?" Sebastian commanded.

"Please don't force me to tell you," McKenna pleaded.

"I need to hear it from you," Sebastian reasoned.

"You know I love you," McKenna said through her weeping. "That I'm in love with you. Have been for most of my life I realize now."

"So why did you leave like that?" Sebastian had to know.

"How could I stay?" McKenna sobbed. "I screwed up our love. I'm scum."

"No, you're not," Sebastian said.

"I am," McKenna insisted. She stared down at her lap. "I betrayed you," she whispered.

Sebastian stared at her for a long moment and McKenna broke out in a wail, covering her face with her hands. "I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "I'm so so so sorry."

Sebastian let out a sigh and wiped a tear from his own eye. "Those two are the most toxic people I've ever met," he said aloud.

"Courtney's a conniving bitch and Derek is a snake but this is all on me," McKenna said. "I was tempted and I broke your trust. There is no excuse. There is no forgiveness."

Sebastian didn't say anything in response and they sat in silence for a long time, the sounds of McKenna's weeping the only noise except for the winter wind outside the car.

"I couldn't figure out why women housemates kept moving out," Sebastian revealed.
"It never occurred to me that Courtney was manipulating them."

"The thing is that you were the best thing that ever happened to me," McKenna sighed, all cried out now. "My prayers and dreams were answered. We were finally together. And then I threw it all away. For nothing."

"This is true," Sebastian agreed. "But there's one thing you said that isn't true."

"What was that?" She asked, defeated.

"That there is no forgiveness," Sebastian replied. "The thing is you don't ask for forgiveness. You receive it."

"I wouldn't deserve it," McKenna stated.

"It's still not up to you," Sebastian said.

"I wouldn't expect your forgiveness."

"I'm willing to forgive Courtney and Derek," Sebastian revealed. "For being sick fucks."

"Why on Earth would you do that?" McKenna asked.

"Because it's easier than hating them," he explained.

"Do you hate me?" McKenna dared to ask.

"I love you," Sebastian replied.

"But you could never trust me," McKenna said.

"Never is a long time, Kenna," Sebastian said. "We were already waiting forever."

"I know," she sighed.

"Intersession is over," he told her. "Go back to Sommerville. Finish the semester at UMASS-Boston."

"What are you going to do?"

"Finish up here," he answered. "I'm moving in with a guy from Dominio's."

"And then what?"

"Same as before," Sebastian said. "After our first night together. When we wondered what the future might hold. That's where we're at now."

"I don't know if I can live with the guilt," McKenna admitted.

"Sometimes living with guilt is better than living without it," Sebastian said as he put the car in gear and drove her back to her car on the campus. "It keeps us honest."

They were silent during the ride and when Sebastian pulled the car up next to McKenna's vehicle she threw a quick glance at him.

"I don't deserve you," she said as she opened the passenger's door.

"To bad it's not up to you," Sebastian replied.

McKenna got out of the car and stared at him for a long moment before she closed the door and walked to her car wondering if there was any future for them.

A/N: Is there?