What is the Truth in Sanity
Today marks another day with Mark Olin, another season be a part of society again. It is telling he is not suicidal In the slightest, he just hates how life turned out for him, which is very understand in a given what has happened to him. His wife was murdered and\ when the trial came the evidence wasn't outstanding but the had a great case and motive with no alibi, when the verdict was guilty he had a mental breakdown. That's how he ended up as my patient at James Institute For Heath, a madhouse if you will, I hate when people call it that but they do. I went into his room and took out my notepad and started talking.
"Hello Mark how are Doing today?"
"Does it matter?"
"Mark we talked about this if you don't share whats going on you won't get better."
"Yeah and what if I do I'll just end up in a different type of prison."
"Mark you can have life after prison, many people find a way to move on after some time spent in jail."
"And what type of lie will I live Dr. Kingly, my wife is gone and I won't fine someone else, how can anyone trust someone who is conflicted for killing their wife I mite as will killed my wife for all the good that It's done."
"Even if you don't find love you can have a life, you can dedicate you life to helping people, write a book, anything is possible don't let that one thing define you."
"You know what I wanted more then anything and I say it again if I have to, it is."
"To have a family, to have a wife and kids, …."
"You doctors think your so smart that if you are strong enough you can go on living life, will I don't think so I think your are lying to yourself and that you are so good at lying you manged to convince people who know the truth that they are crazy."
"And what is the truth Mark, if life goes bad you give up?"
"No the truth is when the world turns on you now matter what you say or do it's over, no matter what it is social media convicting everyone you can't hide just turn yourself in or kill yourself, I am a Christian man or maybe I'm to scared to die so I'm going to sit here and wallow with my life."
"You're world isn't over and social media only effect you if you let it."
"Sorry Dr. Kingly I don't want to continue our conversation can we end the session today."
"OK Mark, but at least you starting to show your inner self, I Think we are making real progress."
"Whatever you say Dr. Kingly."
"I think thi endss our season today."
I put my notes away and left Mr. Olin to his own devices, perhaps tomorrow will yield better results.
I have other patient to see today and I hope I can help each one to be part of society. That's all I can do is listen and try to find out what they need to find peace with whatever is ailing them, some people say that not everybody can be helped and that I should not give up but I won't.
My next session with Mr. Olin was more talkative then last the session he was going over the last therapy session and hesitated.
"You know the problem with shrinks Dr. Kingly."
"No Mark I don't know, what is the problem with shrinks?"
"That you tell us what the world want's us to believe, we have to confined to society or we get looked up in the loony bin."
"That's not true Mark, I simply trying to help you you, I trying to help you and give you the strength to deal with the hardship of life."
"Hardship of life, when your life turns against you then I to want see how you deal with it."
"Not everyone will turn against you, I'm sure you'll find someone to help you."
"And once I do I will go strait to jail sounds great I can't wait to get started."
"No need to be like that Mark, even in prison you can find a productive use of your time."
"Sure, just have to live with the stares and the rumor all my life, sorry but I don[t want to talk to you any more."
"Fine Mark, I Leave you will visit you tomorrow."
I close my note for the day and leave Mr. Olin in his room. He seems to be more aggressive with his arguments, I can't tell if it is a good thing or a bad thing when it comes to his well being, he has more spirit but if he wants to fight me then he will never get better.
The next time I saw Mr. Olin he was more adamit in explaining how flawed therapist were and our conversation were troubling this time.
"Let's say a man is convinced he was attacked by a vampire, and you will tell him that vampire aren't real, right."
"Some people live like a vampire, they dress in black, drink blood and hardly get any sunlight."
"Right, then you have to convince him his mind is playing tricks on him and he should change it, get where I'm going hear doctor."
"I think I do, you want me to say I'm trying to lie about seeing a vampire and get him to say their no vampire."
"Exactly, which is it is their or isn't their a vampire, in the end you'll make him doubt himself if it is so easy to change the story to make himself believe one thing then the opposite then how can he ever truly be sane if he has to lie to himself."
"That's not exactly true, I present evidence I go over the details of one statement, only when he is strong enough to face the facts can he truly be sane."
"Facts, what if their is no fact or worse the fact don't make any sense to him or you draw your own conclusion and force your view of the events on to him, what then doctor, you cant' t say with a 100 percent that you put your view on life onto your patient."
"No one can do that, but you should not make everyone your enemy just some people don't trust you, all it takes is for one person on your side and you can face the world."
"That's sound nice, I'll put a poster on the wall that has the phrases 'Hang in their', sorry but that is to cheesy for me."
"OK Mark that's it for our session today see you tomorrow."
The next session I tried to get him to focus on something else to live for then to picking a fight with me. It did not work out well as he got even more agitated.
"Something to focus on, I like to focus on this, to make a point, it's not hurting anyone people are so careful about negative thinking someone going to hurt someone when reality the don like to be argued with."
"I don't mind being debated it's just that focusing on what is defined as real but what you can live with and have a life that you can be contented with."
"i don't know if I would ever be contented, finding someone again or living life, but if I focus on I might find something to live for, making the world know that everyone is a hypocrite who wants you to live by their standers and it's stupid that I have to convince you that I'm fine, but I have to go to jail and no find out the true killer as I'm no detective and no PI is going to find the culprit I have to spend years in jail I don't know if I can handle that."
"With help I can sit up meeting with you at the jail to get you through your stay their."
"Is that what you would do if you were in my situation?"
"I would start over fight, take the time wright a book, anything to make sure I have a new live."
"Maybe you are right I might have something that I want to do"
Then Mr. Olin had a strange look in his eyes like he had a aphonie, it kind of gave me the chills looking at him. A couple of days later Mr. Olin escaped, we do not know how he did it wherever he is I hope that he had the determination to escape then he might find something to live for.
After coming home from work it's always nice to know that I tried my best with my patients show improvement and some don't. I know not everyone wants to get better but I try and I want my patients to know that I'm their for them. I saw my lovely wife Helen sitting on the couch watching TV.
"Hey what are you watching."
"Castle I think it's an episode form the second season."
"I like that show, it kinda got stupid during that season thing but it's still good show."
"Yeah anyway how was your day?"
"It was good did you go jugging, the weather was nice today."
"Yeah after work I went for a jog after I got home."
Then I walked over to the couch next to my wife and watched TV for a bit. It times like this make glad that we can just sit next together. Soon we talked about the small things we did today and things we are going to do down the line like all couples. There is one thing that's put a wrinkle in our relationship is we've been have been having trouble having children, we talked about wither we want to adopt a child or try seeing a specialist. Latter that night we decided that we would go see a doctor.
We saw the doctor he did not have good new, my wife won't be able to bare my child, it was heart breaking. We can always adopt but I really wanted my own flesh and blood kid, but I will still love him. A couple days past and we were going over adoption paper after dinner.
"What do you think of this one dear?"
"I don't know put it in the maybe pile?"
"David I know this is hard but you must look at these more closely or you want be able to make a good discussion."
"Selecting a child is difficult like shopping and picking the right one, like a car, children shouldn't be treated like cars."
"I know, but children need a home and I want to provide one for them."
"Yeah I could just be making up excuses but whatever we decide it will be great and the right one will come to us."
"You and your psychic major."
"I'm a therapist for a reason, it helps when you have a long relationship."
"As long as you try to psychoanalyze me to get into my pants."
"Maybe I already have."
We kissed and went back looking through the files until we went to bed. Will l was asleep I heard the door bell ring, who could be at are door at 2:00 am in the morning I got up and walked down the stairs walked up to the door and looked through the peep hole. I could not make out the person since he was wearing a hat and looking down.
"Hello who are you?"
"Sorry to bother you put I thing someone backed up into you car and drove off, it's not that bad just a scratch."
I opened the door to look at my car when the man tasered me till I passed out. I wok up a little sour, I tried moving around and relished that I was where straitjacket, I tried to get out of it but could not. I looked around and saw I was in a small room I tried to open the door but couldn't eventually I sat down to asses my situation. Eventually the door opende and the person behind it it was Mark Olin he was where a lap cot and was caring a notepad.
"Mark what are doing, why did you put me in a straitjacket?"
"Come on we talked about this David after your last outburst you where restrained so that you did not hurt yourself or others."
"Hurt myself why would I do that, is this some sort of game Mark, whatever you getting at stop it at once, I can help you please set me free and we can talk this through."
"Still trying to convince yourself that your a doctor and I'm the patient David, I guess it's better then facing what you did to your wife."
"My wife, if you did something to her Mark I swear if you hurt her, I'll make sure you rot in jail for life."
"Deflecting your problem on to me is not going to help you get better."
"I don't know what game your playing but this s inot going to help when the authorities find about this."
"Seems like you're still agitated I come back tomorrow and see if you are in a better mood."
he started to leave. "hey come back I want some answers now." it was to late he had already left.
I did not now what Mr. Olin was up to but I hope he hasn't done anything to my wife and it was just a bluff but if he did then I have to worry about my safety and his.
The next day?
I did know how long I was in that room before Mr. Olin came back into the room again.
"Hello David are you willing to talk today?"
"I'm welling to play along with your game Mark."
"Good enough, now I can sense some hostilely, how are you doing David?"
"I could be better but given my situation it could be worse."
"Alright then lets try to discuss what happened to your wife again can we do that David?"
"Yes let's talk."
"Alright I think your problem with your marriage is when you realized that that your wife could not have a baby and that lead to your conflict."
"So you have been spying on me and my wife we are looking through adoption papers and willing to raise and adopt a child."
"That's what you told yourself at first but deep down you wanted a child and you started to resent your wife, I don't know what it was that through over the edge that led to her death, but I will do my best to help you through this."
"I would never kill my wife just because she can't have a baby."
"That thought led you down this path of denial and deflection because you refuse to believe you killed your wife."
"Because I didn't and if you did do something to my wife I will make you pay."
"Deflecting it on to me again I think that's enough for today I will see you again."
"This isn't helpful Mark let me out off hear I said let me out"
My shouts when to death ears.
Then next day?
It's hard to tell time when you have no clock or a window, you sleep and you wake up when you rested. That's all I knew so I don't really know if it is the next day or not, your body does not need that much rest if your not doing anything but eventually you do get trieo and go to sleep when Mr. Olin showed up again I asked him what day it was.
" It's tuesday."
"that would be four day since I got hear, and I know it has not been that long."
"you been hear for two years now David."
"Quit lying and till me how long I been hear?"
"I'm not lying David I'm trying to get you to admit the truth, part of your disillusion is what year it is, the more time you spent here the more likely you admit the truth."
"Playing mind games with me is not going to work Olin, if your trying to convince me that I'm mad then your wasting your time."
"The only game I'm playing as you say is helping you I'm not your enemy I'm your friend."
"I'm not trying to make you into an enemy I'm trying to stop you from doing this, I Think I know what this is you are trying to prove that you can turn ton what is sanity to put me into your shoes, but I know your point and willing to help but you have got to let me help."
"I see this is going around in circles I think time to end this season."
"Sooner or latter you have to let me out you hear me Mark."
I was fed some food by Mr. Olin since I could not feed myself, I did not get to hungry like sleep when your not doing anything active I don't need to eat much and if I wanted to keep my strength I had to play along. I fear that if things don't go his way he might result to violence. After I ate we had anther season.
"You know we can't keep doing this arguing back and forth, I say one thing and you say anther, their no way you can convince me I mentally ill, their to many discrepanicesto keep that story strait."
"For one where are all the nurses if this is an asylum where is the staff, there also no schedule of news form the outside, I know I'm a doctor I bring a paper or something to have my patient connected to the outside world, if they don't the would lose touch form the outside world, and others."
"That's the brilliant way your mind works, you only see me and rufus to look at the paper, I complent on how you turn thins around."
"So it comes down to that, I back and forth, I tried to help as a doctor, is this how you felt me imposing on to you, I guess that was your argument, well I was trying to help you, this this is madness."
"I believe you are right that we keep getting at a stalemate and it gets quite frustrating, but I won't give up I will help you David."
"No I don't believe you will win in this argument."
"I bevel I well, enough arguing today I will see you tomorrow."
David "What Is the point of this, do you think you win in a lie that you made up."
Mark "Which is the lie and what Is the truth, Don' t we all lie when we tell are life story, especially to strangers."
David "so it's down to that argument again, that we all lie and trick ourselfs into believing in something, not what you believe in something crazy it's down to how far you are willing to prove you are right, hurt yourself or others physically or emotionally, I got to ask you Mark how far are you willing to go will you end up hurting me or my wife or will you let me go."'
Mark "For one truly to be free one must simply be willing to open the door and the key to your escape is to look into yourself David, reflect on my words and you might find yourself free
Mark opened the door and left me to stew. I got to thinking on what he said and the way he said it, he was hinting to something a clue to get out, I think the door could be unlocked or that the key was on me. I looked around the room and tried moving around my straitjacket, I did not feel anything but I did not stop, I might still be able to open the door, though it would be difficult. I open my mouth and griped the door handle with my teeth and turned it. I manged to open it and I was free of the room now to get my bearings I looked around. It was an abounded building by the looks of it but I already guessed that much but where exactly is it, I guess I will find out when I get out but first I have to free myself from the straitjacket. I moved up and down the hallway seeing if I can find an exit along with something to get me out of what I'm wearing, I would prefer that I have my hands free to try to get to the nearest phone then walk up to random strangers and ask for help. I looked in a room and spotted a desk and used the edge to tear the fabric of the straitjacket and was able to get free, now to leave this place. When I got out I started walking and went to the nearest place to make a phone call, it was a coffee shop. I manged to call and get the police and while I waited people started to look outside I looked to see whats going on, I saw smoke in the distance a fire broke out and I think I know where.
Latter at a police station
"Lets go over this again a favor patient kidnapped you and held you captive and that why you been missing for the 5 day's,
"Yes, I told you before and I say it again Mark Olin knocked me out andidnapped me and my wife, I think he set fire to the place he held me captive also."
"Right, Look Mr. Kingsly this looks bad, you and your wife go missing then you show up with no wife, it doesn't paint a pretty picture for you, with out any prof you might end up going to court and loosing, now I think you should just confess and maybe you can get a lighter sentience."
"I did not kill my wife."
"I Think he just made up the whole thing to get away with it, reasonable doubt and all." said the other cop
"I did not make it up, if I did I would of just hired a lawyer and passed on this story, but I didn't I wanted a chance to convince you to look for Mr. Olin he is a dangerous man, he may have gotten his revenge on me but there might be a possibility that he might do this again, so pleas go find him."
"Say this is true without any lead and the burning of the building whatever traces he left would be cold." said the first cop
"So you are not going to put much effort into finding him I know how the system works I worked with law enforcement in the past, but I know how to play the game fine I did it I killed my wife.."
"HA I know it no just right down what you said and say in no way we forced you into a confession." said the second cop
"O I'm going to write it down and my acumpis is Mark Olin."
"what." said the second cop
"Yes I say up and down the streets and my court case that Mark Olin is still out their and he has the murder weapon he even told me how many people he was going to kill, I wound how much man power the cops will put into finding him now."
"Your willing to do all that just to get to this Mark?" said the first cop
"Yes, presion the end of live I think I can even help people why I'm in their, as for my reputation I can leave with the persicoson as long as can live my life my live theirs always hope, I think that's the best way to so Mr. Olin that he did not break me, he only made me stronger, I might even write a book."