This is an
Ode to my parents
Please stop saying
You need to move on
You need to forget
You need to let go
You can't be sad
You can't be depressed
You're so happy
You can't have anxiety
You have to smile
You don't get the option
But I just want to be sad
Why can't you just leave me
Alone, to sit in my thoughts
And figure shit out
To untangle my mind
To make myself better
Because in order to be happy
Truly happy
We have to be sad sometimes
Sometimes some of us
Are sad much longer than others
Maybe we are supposed to be sad
So we can help others
To be happy,
To be something we can
Never hope to reach
We're sad because we have to be
To help others
Instead of leading lambs
To the slaughter
We guide them away
We guide them to the light
And sometimes it gets to much for us
To bear on our own
So we think about
Hiding our own light
We hide our feelings
Because we don't want
To feel
Because to feel makes it harder
To let go of someone
Or something that never truly
Cared
Why can't you care?
Why can't you care for me?
Why can't you care
Enough to come back for me?
Please, come find me
Bring me home
I don't want to be sad
I don't want these feelings
Because sometimes feeling is to much
For me to handle
But you tell me
I can't be sad
That I have to move on
I don't want to
I want to sit alone
Just by myself
Without your constant judgement
Of you and your expectations
I can't take all I have bottled inside
Life isn't a perfect
Fairy tale
And you won't always be there
To help me
So just let me be sad
And to keep my thoughts
To figure out what is going on
With me
To learn what I need to learn
Even if it's the hard way
Because I am not you
And I am not going
To make the same mistakes
And the same decisions
You made
So let me do just this one thing
On my own
Without you constantly
Getting on to me
About my grades and comparing
Me to her
Because I'm not her
I'm not Sarah
I'm not going to do IB
I'm not going to join
The same clubs
Because I'm not her
Please understand
That if I just want
To be alone
It's because the pressure
You put me under
Is to much
For me to shoulder
I'm not like Atlas,
I can't hold the weight
Of the world on my shoulders
I can hardly get out of bed sometimes
I can hardly think
And keep my thoughts
In a straight line
And you don't even
Realize I'm struggling
You don't ask me how
My day was
Only if I got my work done
You get onto me for
Not being her
You are unaware of when
I come home in tears
And when I have trouble breathing
Because the stress
Is causing all
Pain to fade away into a dull throbbing
And the negative thoughts
To come surging forth
In a flood that I cannot stop
No matter how much
You tell me to forget
And move on
And let go
Well mom and dad
I have news for you
I'm letting go
But I'm not letting go
Of what you might think
I'm letting go of the hope
That you could ever
Love me as much as you love her
As much as you love
My darling
Little brother
Who fought cancer and lived
As much As you love
The baby of the family
Who can always find redemption
You didn't even want me
You wanted a boy
You got your girl
But me?
I'm just an extra
A dysfunction in our
Broken little family
But that's not enough
I'm broken and my headspace
Is to dark for you
And you don't know what to do
So you just brush it off
And tell me to let it go
But I have news for you
I just want to be sad
Just to have something
That sets me apart from the others
And I hate to tell you
But you're slowly losing me
Because you aren't taking the time
To come save me
Please, come save me
Come save your little girl
No matter how much
You didn't want me
So please…
Mom and dad…
Listen to me…
And listen
To this ode for my parents
Who will probably never love me
As much as them
But at least I tried my hardest.
That's all you ever wanted right?
Someone who cared enough to try?
Well guess what!
I gave it my all
But I'm done trying.
I'm done trying to please you
So don't get mad
When I say goodbye
Sincerely,
Your disappointment
Of a daughter.