This is an

Ode to my parents

Please stop saying

You need to move on

You need to forget

You need to let go

You can't be sad

You can't be depressed

You're so happy

You can't have anxiety

You have to smile

You don't get the option

But I just want to be sad

Why can't you just leave me

Alone, to sit in my thoughts

And figure shit out

To untangle my mind

To make myself better

Because in order to be happy

Truly happy

We have to be sad sometimes

Sometimes some of us

Are sad much longer than others

Maybe we are supposed to be sad

So we can help others

To be happy,

To be something we can

Never hope to reach

We're sad because we have to be

To help others

Instead of leading lambs

To the slaughter

We guide them away

We guide them to the light

And sometimes it gets to much for us

To bear on our own

So we think about

Hiding our own light

We hide our feelings

Because we don't want

To feel

Because to feel makes it harder

To let go of someone

Or something that never truly

Cared

Why can't you care?

Why can't you care for me?

Why can't you care

Enough to come back for me?

Please, come find me

Bring me home

I don't want to be sad

I don't want these feelings

Because sometimes feeling is to much

For me to handle

But you tell me

I can't be sad

That I have to move on

I don't want to

I want to sit alone

Just by myself

Without your constant judgement

Of you and your expectations

I can't take all I have bottled inside

Life isn't a perfect

Fairy tale

And you won't always be there

To help me

So just let me be sad

And to keep my thoughts

To figure out what is going on

With me

To learn what I need to learn

Even if it's the hard way

Because I am not you

And I am not going

To make the same mistakes

And the same decisions

You made

So let me do just this one thing

On my own

Without you constantly

Getting on to me

About my grades and comparing

Me to her

Because I'm not her

I'm not Sarah

I'm not going to do IB

I'm not going to join

The same clubs

Because I'm not her

Please understand

That if I just want

To be alone

It's because the pressure

You put me under

Is to much

For me to shoulder

I'm not like Atlas,

I can't hold the weight

Of the world on my shoulders

I can hardly get out of bed sometimes

I can hardly think

And keep my thoughts

In a straight line

And you don't even

Realize I'm struggling

You don't ask me how

My day was

Only if I got my work done

You get onto me for

Not being her

You are unaware of when

I come home in tears

And when I have trouble breathing

Because the stress

Is causing all

Pain to fade away into a dull throbbing

And the negative thoughts

To come surging forth

In a flood that I cannot stop

No matter how much

You tell me to forget

And move on

And let go

Well mom and dad

I have news for you

I'm letting go

But I'm not letting go

Of what you might think

I'm letting go of the hope

That you could ever

Love me as much as you love her

As much as you love

My darling

Little brother

Who fought cancer and lived

As much As you love

The baby of the family

Who can always find redemption

You didn't even want me

You wanted a boy

You got your girl

But me?

I'm just an extra

A dysfunction in our

Broken little family

But that's not enough

I'm broken and my headspace

Is to dark for you

And you don't know what to do

So you just brush it off

And tell me to let it go

But I have news for you

I just want to be sad

Just to have something

That sets me apart from the others

And I hate to tell you

But you're slowly losing me

Because you aren't taking the time

To come save me

Please, come save me

Come save your little girl

No matter how much

You didn't want me

So please…

Mom and dad…

Listen to me…

And listen

To this ode for my parents

Who will probably never love me

As much as them

But at least I tried my hardest.

That's all you ever wanted right?

Someone who cared enough to try?

Well guess what!

I gave it my all

But I'm done trying.

I'm done trying to please you

So don't get mad

When I say goodbye

Sincerely,

Your disappointment

Of a daughter.