Alone

I hate being alone.

Being along is too tempting.

I'm always alone.

I'm a lonely person.

My thoughts race.

My own anxieties make me feel so out of place.

I don't belong in this world.

I might belong in the next world.

I don't know.

My thoughts are so irritating.

I can't stand them.

It's so difficult to stand up to them.

I feel as if I'm losing my mind.

I talk all the time.

It helps to make the noise in my head a little less.

This world of self-hate is one I try to ignore.

The world outside of me isn't so kind.

This adds fuel to the fire.

Sometimes I like being alone.

I can dwell within these hopeless thoughts.

I can make myself empty.

I hate being alone because I hate liking that I feel this way.

The darkness inside of me is often reigned in.

This empty feeling deep inside of me,

This empty void,

Where nothing grows,

Not even the flowers,

I don't know what to do with it.

Should I put it high on a shelf?

I hate that I like feeling this way.

It's madness.

It makes no sense.

Why do I like feeling this way?

It's to my enjoyment.

It's to my entertainment.

Maybe I just want attention.

That right there adds to the puzzle.

I want to be loved.

I want a good man to love me.

Don't I have that?

I want to be greedy here for just a second.

I want to want more here for just a second.

It's a mystery to me.

My words all run together.

I hate that I like the way I feel.

This isn't supposed to be.

This isn't supposed to exist.

This empty feeling is something I like.

I'm not supposed to like it so much.

Maybe I'm all messed up in the head.

I'll die.

I'll kill myself off.

If that's what I want,

If that's my desire,

I will do it.

I will lie.

I will make things up.

I will plaster a smile on my face.

I will hide the dark truth of my nature.

No one will know.

No one will understand anyway.

I feel empty inside and I like it.

I want to remain here.

I want to drown.

I want to jump.

I want to hurt.

I want to burn.

Return me to ash.

Return me to the dirt where I belong.

I'm waiting for my death.

I want to run towards it.

I yearn it with all of my being.

Pull me into the darkness of despair.

I want to remain hopeless.

This is why I hate being alone.

These thoughts are so tempting.

I know why I'm here.

I know why I want to leave.

Shroud me in eternal darkness.

This is where I belong.

Please, don't reach a hand out to save me.

I don't want to be saved.