I hate being alone.
Being along is too tempting.
I'm always alone.
I'm a lonely person.
My thoughts race.
My own anxieties make me feel so out of place.
I don't belong in this world.
I might belong in the next world.
I don't know.
My thoughts are so irritating.
I can't stand them.
It's so difficult to stand up to them.
I feel as if I'm losing my mind.
I talk all the time.
It helps to make the noise in my head a little less.
This world of self-hate is one I try to ignore.
The world outside of me isn't so kind.
This adds fuel to the fire.
Sometimes I like being alone.
I can dwell within these hopeless thoughts.
I can make myself empty.
I hate being alone because I hate liking that I feel this way.
The darkness inside of me is often reigned in.
This empty feeling deep inside of me,
This empty void,
Where nothing grows,
Not even the flowers,
I don't know what to do with it.
Should I put it high on a shelf?
I hate that I like feeling this way.
It makes no sense.
Why do I like feeling this way?
It's to my enjoyment.
It's to my entertainment.
Maybe I just want attention.
That right there adds to the puzzle.
I want to be loved.
I want a good man to love me.
Don't I have that?
I want to be greedy here for just a second.
I want to want more here for just a second.
It's a mystery to me.
My words all run together.
I hate that I like the way I feel.
This isn't supposed to be.
This isn't supposed to exist.
This empty feeling is something I like.
I'm not supposed to like it so much.
Maybe I'm all messed up in the head.
I'll kill myself off.
If that's what I want,
If that's my desire,
I will do it.
I will lie.
I will make things up.
I will plaster a smile on my face.
I will hide the dark truth of my nature.
No one will know.
No one will understand anyway.
I feel empty inside and I like it.
I want to remain here.
I want to drown.
I want to jump.
I want to hurt.
I want to burn.
Return me to ash.
Return me to the dirt where I belong.
I'm waiting for my death.
I want to run towards it.
I yearn it with all of my being.
Pull me into the darkness of despair.
I want to remain hopeless.
This is why I hate being alone.
These thoughts are so tempting.
I know why I'm here.
I know why I want to leave.
Shroud me in eternal darkness.
This is where I belong.
Please, don't reach a hand out to save me.
I don't want to be saved.