Letter Home

Hi Mom. Hi Dad. I hope you are well today.
I am still breathing so I am well too I guess.
I still am socially awkward and don't know what to say
To my co-workers, so I usually stay at my desk.

I still have not grown up much, I still want to play
When I see my students, even though they're studying for tests.
I'm trying to make friends, but they want me to keep far away.
They are nice though. I'm probably just making them stressed.

I don't know how long I will stay
But I will be home once I sort out my life-long mess.
Right now, finding my place in society is like finding a needle in the hay.
But don't worry, I am still searching and trying my best.

Yes, every day, I still pray.
I think God listens and answers my requests
Even though I have let our relationship decay.
And yes, I already confessed.

You know how I joke about talking to a girl every day
And how I really like her, how she was nothing like my previous ex?
I was not joking about what I have said.
But don't worry, she, like most of Japan, don't want to be near me, I guess.

I sometimes feel sad, sometimes, I want to cry. But it goes away
Like the exhales of my bitter breath,
Like everyone I want to get close to, a vast empty space
Seperates me from everyone, though we're close enough to touch breasts.

I still am thankful I have a place to lay
Even if it is not on my dream girl's chest.
I at least am living, I am doing ok
I have my bed of memories to put my current feelings to rest.

I cannot hug anyone for comfort since affection cannot be displayed
In this country but also since I bear the social distancing crest
Way before social distancing and masks became the trend of the day.
So I hug myself cause even though no one hugs me, I shouldn't love myself less.

Thank you for caring. I really appreciate
That you guys have not pushed me like the rest
Even though I left home to find my own way
Only to find that I am becoming a reject.

Thanks Mom. Thanks Dad for thinking of me every day.
I can still feel happy as well as feel depressed,
I can still love and long to be intimate.
Thanks for birthing me. I feel blessed.

Your second son