Yellow is organizing my sadness by dates and hours.
Yellow is eating and wondering if I really ate.
Yellow is asking myself why it doesn't stop.
Yellow is waiting.
I don't know what for,
but it keeps crashing in my head like church bells,
goddamn right I wait.

Yellow if being tired of crying but also being unable to keep it inside.
Yellow if starving for days and still feel like worms crawl underneath my skin.
Yellow is two hundred fifty seven calls that I didn't make.
Yellow is the those two hundred fifty seven times I waited for you to notice.
Yellow is feeling worthless.
Yellow is accepting it.
Yellow is loving you enough to let you get in.
Yellow is hating myself enough to let you in.
Yellow is playing.

You are playing.

I love you.
I despise you.
I fucking hate you.
I want you.
I want you.
I want you.
I've never felt this good my whole life.
I've never felt this alone my whole life.
I've never felt so miserable my whole life.
I've never felt.
I don't want it.
For heaven's sake, stop it.
I want to hold you.
I want to love you.
I want to break you.
I want to hurt you.
I want to feed on you.
I want you to love me.
I want you to hurt me.
I want you to leave.
I want you to be here.

But you have never been here.

Yellow is thickening the air around me.
Yellow doesn't care.

Neither did you.