And now you say you feel as if someone

is ignoring you, though you won't say who.

"It's just life"

And a little part of me

I never knew was so

Vindictive, thinks,

"And how do you think I've felt the past year?,"

when the closest I could get to saying that was

telling you one too many times that

I felt nostalgic,

Missed our old forgotten conversations.

I always laughed it off as a momentary fondness

for the past,

professed an understanding

that things are different,

When all I wanted was to curl up

And die.

And I feel horrible for thinking like that,

Because you're the last person

I'd ever wish a single bit of harm upon.

If I could,

I'd absorb every bit of pain,

Of hurt-

Emotional or physical.

And even if each ache turned to wound

Upon my skin,

I'd keep absorbing it,

Until you were as free as you deserve to be,

And I left mangled on the floor.

A broken thing.

I'll recite the mantra I've held so dear for so long,

"If I keep pretending I'm fine,

maybe you won't vanish.

If you never know that I love you, maybe things won't change."

This contradiction tears at my soul,

Eats away at the very nature of myself

And I know I can't take your burdens

All away like that.

But, I can't even try to ease the weight

If you won't let me in,

And that's what hurts the most.