And now you say you feel as if someone
is ignoring you, though you won't say who.
"It's just life"
And a little part of me
I never knew was so
"And how do you think I've felt the past year?,"
when the closest I could get to saying that was
telling you one too many times that
I felt nostalgic,
Missed our old forgotten conversations.
I always laughed it off as a momentary fondness
for the past,
professed an understanding
that things are different,
When all I wanted was to curl up
And I feel horrible for thinking like that,
Because you're the last person
I'd ever wish a single bit of harm upon.
If I could,
I'd absorb every bit of pain,
Emotional or physical.
And even if each ache turned to wound
Upon my skin,
I'd keep absorbing it,
Until you were as free as you deserve to be,
And I left mangled on the floor.
A broken thing.
I'll recite the mantra I've held so dear for so long,
"If I keep pretending I'm fine,
maybe you won't vanish.
If you never know that I love you, maybe things won't change."
This contradiction tears at my soul,
Eats away at the very nature of myself
And I know I can't take your burdens
All away like that.
But, I can't even try to ease the weight
If you won't let me in,
And that's what hurts the most.