In my mind I make it New Year's Day

Asking myself to do anything I hope I'd do

Like I say on my birthday, "thank you, I'm okay"

Unfortunately I won't change just because I'm supposed to

I muzzle as though I have no choice but to retaliate

Permission to abandon myself despite the times

We've run out of plates and yet I already ate

Is it just life, is it mine, or the abundance of 'signs'?

I have mimed a gap out loud and so poorly

Anxious palms turning lists to lint

I realise I have cruelly been myself too early

Relief that convenient rhyming won't make it to print

Painful panning because I say I am pained and I will cry until I am drained

Pride and peace promised stress relief has only stressed a dormant unease

A happy fabric is pooling at my feet but even bare I feel the need to eat

I shut my eyes now for it to go but I'll only be awake for more of tomorrow