I never wanted you to see me this way

Bare and weak and with the only sense

Of knowing how to cry

And how to do it very well

I never wanted you to know

What bothered and pained me

And what images ran through my head

I never wanted you to know why

I do the things I do

I didn't want you to have any access

To any piece of truth or knowledge

It's not fair and it wasn't supposed to happen

I wanted to just stay in pretending;

Best friends with sadness

Because that's where I'm most comfortable

And have found rationality

Where's the rationality in expressing how you feel

And telling your deepest secrets?

It's just not there for me

And it's not like you will be either

Everything hurts and my trust is soiled

And it's a hard, hard life

And all I think about is the moment

Where I'll reach the end of my life

I have this awful thought

Well, it's not awful to me

But I suppose it's morbid to you

That when I finally reach the last day of life,

I can finally just finally

Exhale

The long breath I've been holding in for decades

And finally smile like I mean it

As I descend into my grave

And shut my eyes underneath the wilderness.

But you highly disapprove.