If It Matters to You

And the wind whipped heavy on that dark cold night,

I looked at you, you back at me,

And nothing was the same…

But this is what you said you need,

What you've always wanted.

A child you bear, my hand in yours, we're one with one another.

Your face goes pale the smile lost,

My heart drops to my knees.

As I heard you utter, this isn't what you need.

But how can that now be the case,

You begged for this, now beg for space.

This pain I feel, I can't describe.

Now torture wracked in blinding lies.

How could this all just fall apart,

As if it never happened.

How do we move on from here?

As if we weren't happy.

How do we tell this child now, that we no longer meld?

When our love is all the reason she's now stuck in this hell.

Razorblades and numbing pills now fill away that void.

I just don't know how we were there and now it's all destroyed.

With nothing left we break our home and divvy up the child,

But my mind warped, I'm numb and gone, I'll be here for a while.

If it matters to you, I never saw this ending on the table.

But these words now I'll speak to you, I'll speak while I'm still able.

Those talks, those laughs, those long long nights,

They built our love that grew our hearts, but yours attached to kites.

And when that wind came through again you found me not the one,

But to me girl my whole damn life revolved around your sun.

That light I loved that lifted me, you gave it all away,

To someone else? To someone else? Why can you not just stay?

If it even matters to you, I'm also gone away.

My mind is numb this pain, it grips, and swallows me up whole.

No one can be what you were to me, my heart you purely stole.

With these last words I wish you well, you with your new husband.

I never thought I'd see this end, but it was surely coming.

The signs I missed they all make sense when drowning in a bottle.

Off this hill and into hell as I open up the throttle.

If it matters to you, I love you still, our daughter more the same.

But I cannot be without your light, our love has turned to pain.

Goodbye…. goodnight...it all fades now…... I go to pay my dues…

My life is gone and over now…

if it matters to you…