Entry 3

God must hate me

He cursed me for eternity

God must hate me

Maybe you should pray for me

I'm breaking down and you can't save me

I'm stuck in hell

And I wanna go home

~ God Must Hate Me by Simple Plan

Hey Journal, I'm not feeling very good right now. It's almost one in the afternoon and we (me, my mom, and brother) just got back from Church. It's not that I'm against religion or God. It's just… I don't know. Whenever I think about all that, I feel angry, and then guilty, and then sad. It's a roller coaster of feelings and I'm confused.

I want to believe God is real, but if He is, why am I like this? Why do I have Devin and Ronn? Isn't He supposed to show mercy on us, His Children? Doesn't He love me? Probably not. I can't see why anyone would, even my parents.

I don't know, I've never told this to anyone. It's even hidden to Devin and Ronn. You're the first one Journal to know that I'm struggling with this, so count yourself lucky. Or not so lucky…

Anyways, my mom is calling me for lunch. I better go. I'll write again.