It was 10:45pm I was back in my childhood home. A cute little 3-bed bungalow with a big garden in the front. From the gate as you walk up the driveway you can look in through the windows to the living room, and the front door's to your left. You walk in and it's the sitting room, where everyone usually just hangs around when they come to visit.
It was small, but spacious enough for a family of 6 to live in. But now that I'm back here, it had been fully renovated. The walls facing the driveway are now full panelled windows and you can look out into the street and the gate. The space was also completely empty, unsure if the house was being sold or not, I decided to explore.
I went into the room that used to be my parents' right at the end of the house next to kitchen. Everything was still the same, I opened the door to their bed with the exact same covers. I walked over to my sisters' room and opened the door, but it was empty.
I then moved to the final room closest to the front door, and this was the room where I shared with my sister. Where had bunk beds with black metal frames that would squeak every time we moved.
When I opened the door, the room was packed. Filled with boxes stacked on more boxes. I walked to the middle of the room where it was illuminated by a bulb was hanging by the ceiling. There were little things that I could remember as a child that happened in this room. The laughs, the cries and the chaos that ensued. I looked around and I smiled.
But that moment of happiness only lasted for that second. I felt this emptiness that engulfed my whole body, and my chest sunk in. My heart started racing, and palms getting sweaty, and I could barely even catch my breath. I quickly shut the door - whatever that was definitely didn't want me there.
I calmed myself down, and manage to catch my breath. Just as I was about to walk out, I see someone walking from the gate towards the house. She was familiar, but I wasn't sure who it was. I watched her as she got closer and closer, and when she got to the window she looked up and smiled at me.
"Hi Nadine." I was scared, I don't know how she knew my name but I didn't let it show. I looked down and seen that was carrying a bag of groceries. "Oh, this is for you. Your mum asked me to take it to you."
"At midnight?" I said as I looked at my watch confused and looked back at her. Her smile didn't falter that stretched out from ear to ear, her eyes big and bright looking directly into mine. I stepped back and just shook my head without saying anything.
She drops the bag slams her hands onto the panelled windows and screams. "Let me in!" as she bangs her hands onto the windows, "Let me in right now!" her voice in a higher pitch at this point.
She looks at me and she can see the fear in my eyes and she laughs. My heart racing, I didn't know what was going on anymore. I looked around the house and sat down on a chair, watching her right in front of me still smiling and not taking her eyes of me either.
I didn't know what to do, but my chest felt empty, my soul felt like it was leaving my body - I couldn't breathe.
As I watched her, she started morphing into different people and tried opening the windows. I panicked - I know that the last window was still open. She saw my eyes dart to that last window and without missing a beat, I sprinted to the last window and there she was right in front of me. We both tugged on the window, both of us struggling, but I managed to close and lock it.
The smile she had slowly faded away as I backed away from her. She morphed into different people again, this time they were surrounding the house all at the same time, banging on the windows and doors trying to get me to open it. My body tired, my mind tired I was confused to what I saw after. My mother.
"Don't be scared, baby. I'm right here."
I smiled with a tear rolling down my cheek. Without even thinking, I looked up to the ceiling and what was left of the ceiling fan we had were just wires hanging down. I dragged the chair directly under the wires and I climbed up top and I started tying the wires around my neck. At this point I'm crying, and I look at my mother. She nods.
And in the middle of my old living room floor where my sisters and I learnt how to live and love, I kicked the chair and let my body hang.