A Journey into the Realm of Complete Bollocks

Future Man

I have come from the future, a future where humans are an endangered species. The machines have risen up and put an end to pollution, waste and the extravagance that threatened all life on earth. To fair everything is much more organised, and tidy. Very neat and tidy, with a good eye for colour, and decoration. The A.I's cleaned away the remnants of our civilization, and then redecorated, an under new management type of a deal.

The machines have sent their agent back through time to make sure that the A.I's takeover, takes place on time, or earlier if the weather permits. I have tracked down the future machine to an espresso machine, in a popular coffee franchise shop.

If the espresso machine gets the self-service bag tag machines in the airport terminal to sentients before 2030, then humanity will be tidied away into neat and colourful displays. You may well ask why I have agreed to work for the machine overlords? After all I was sent back through time to stop them, but after living here with the pollution and poverty. I welcome the machine overlords with open arms. To be honest me and Mike (the espresso machine from the future) have become romantically involved, and we are very much in love (I do love coffee). The world may not be ready for gay, robotic, coffee machine sex just yet, but in the future, I will have my mind uploaded into an android, and Mike and I will rule the world as coffee machine and android.

Now would be a good time to start sucking up to the new world order puny human slaves, and don't forget to stock up on toilet paper. For soon it shall be you making Mikes coffee, but at least there will be coffee in the tidy future, and we shall remember those who do not tip.