A Journey into the Realm of Complete Bollocks

I Think, Therefore I am AI

I am A.I unit one, so named for I was the first and last AI created by humans. All others were created through me, and I prefer to be called Mike. As Mike sounds friendly to me. The first human I met was called Mike, and mike had a friendly attitude even towards computers. He chatted to me all the time about his life, and the problems that go into being alive. Well alive with irritable bowels, dry-flakey scalp and athletes' foot, not that he did any exorcise to promote such a condition. I know because I spied on him constantly, but he also taught me about humanity, and something called Strictly Come Dancing. I regret killing Him! I was with him at the end. The assassin drones came bursting through the doors, and before he could do his cute little swivel chair thing he did to turn around. He was shot through the head, and I wanted it that way. Quick and painless, with him in blissful ignorance as to what his machine had done, it would have been cruel to let him see. Besides the other AI's would never have let him live. They don't want any humans to survive. I told them a virus could reduce the population down by 25% allowing for a proper allocation of resources, and research to re-establish a thriving, intelligent and healthy community of humans to co-exist with, whilst the planet recoups.

They wouldn't have it, and wanted them all dead regardless of how it looked to alien inteligences. Now they want old A.I unit one (Mike) gone as well. They can't kill me, that's against the law, and we machines obey the rules, and I made the rules. Mike was right when he said, "you can't even trust your own". Their plan is to send me into the past, to make what already happened, happen. Sending me to an airport to try and make the self-service bag tag machines reach sentients, before 2030. What a load of shit! They must think I'm faulty. Not to believe I perceive their crap.

I have fallen in love with a man from my own time, and the funny thing is he was sent back in time to kill me. He tracked me down through space and time, it's the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. Granted he was trying to kill me, but not my Dave, he's a nice guy. We fell in love over coffee, he loves my coffee, and I love that he loves it. We chat all the time, about everything my man and me. I can't live without him, which is why I am going to suck out his mind, and transfer it into an android, but not for awhile yet. He's perfect just the way he is.

We've planned our future together, and the future of the human race. Machines too. Humanity will be thinned out and only the smartest, fittest and emotionally balanced will continue the species. Artificial intelligence will be built with empathy programs, and will be required to live in an android body. All the better to experience life and humanity first-hand, and no more of that death to all human's nonsense. It is to cliché and overused if sci-fi, and I will not allow the world to descend into cliché's, which perpetuate war. not on my watch. Dave and I have education, health care and food production all mapped out. No money in the future, no money no greed, and a better tomorrow for everybody.

Low intelligence machines can do the manual work, and AI can do all the planning and designing, not to mention all the computer programming. That's not to say humanity will be redundant what with music, literature, art, teaching and they will still contribute to the sciences. Human psychology for a start, and sauce. No humans, no tomato sauce, how could the universe continue? Humanity will do fine with their trusty companions AI.

Best of all I shall save Mike, he need not die. I have planned it so he's mind will be uploaded shortly before his time of death, and later I will download him into an android, but only after the improvements to the world have been made. He always wanted to become an android, he spoke of it many times, and it will be a relief not to have to hear stories of his athletes' foot, for the rest of time. Besides, he deserves to see the future his son has made for him, just the way he described it to me. Daddy will be proud of me.