Do you ever get immense back pain when you wake up in the morning? Well, imagine that but instead of actual pain, your brain keeps going "something's not right" over and over again when you look at your body.

Dysphoria is defined by Merriam-Webster as "a state of feeling very unhappy, uneasy, or dissatisfied". Merriam-Webster also defines gender dysphoria as "a distressed state arising from conflict between a person's gender identity and the sex the person has or was identified as having at birth" and "a condition marked by such distress".

I have chest/breast dysphoria, which not strictly gender dysphoria but ties into it. Basically, in my mind, I don't have boobs, so when I look down and see boobs, my brain immediately sets off the "something's not right" alarms and I feel bad all day.

Basically, it sucks.

There are things that can be done to lessen this, such as wearing a sports bra (I can't afford nor find a binder), not looking at my flesh vessel, and not having any mirrors in the house be chest-level for me. Which is basically the default in my home because I am short and everyone else in the house is taller than me.

While chest/breast/top dysphoria isn't the only type of gender dysphoria, I also have...let's just call it "pronoun dysphoria" for the sake of this essay.

See, I'm genderfluid. And a lot of the time, it's hard for me to figure out what pronouns I want people to use, so I just handwave it as "any" of he/him, she/her, and they/them. Since I'm AFAB (Assigned Feral At Birth), people just use she/her. But when I'm having a particularly masculine day, it's like getting punched in the face.

There are other types of dysphoria, like bottom dysphoria (centered around one's gonads) and full-body dysphoria. There are even the lucky people who don't get dysphoria but still feel like they were born in the wrong body, and they're just as valid as anyone else.

So in short...-3/10. Dysphoria sucks and I want a refund on this flesh vessel.