So, to explain this nonsense...

I was messing around with this thing called AI Dungeon, over at play . aidungeon . io (remove the spaces) . And I wound up with a semi-coherent fever dream of a story, which I felt to be kind of hilarious, and wanted to share. I guess I don't expect too many people to read this, really, but I just want it archived somewhere.

AI Dungeon functions like a text adventure, where the "player" inputs what they do or say, or the next line of the story, and the AI, as the "DM" or "game", responds with more narration of what's happening. It should be fairly obvious when I put in a "do" or "say" command, as these are almost universally formatted as "You ..." or "You say ...", but there are also some lines I wrote myself with the "story" command that may be a bit less obvious. Apart from that there's some editing to fix some small pockets of consistency like the main character's name and some capitalization and spelling errors.

Anyway, that's all the explanation you're going to get. Here's part one.

1: The ONLY Evil Vampire in the World

You are Esleva the Magnificent, a witch living on the edge of the medieval kingdom of Larion. You have a wand and a pet alligator named Ivial. As you sit in your swamp hut mixing a magical potion, you hear a knock at the door. You open it and see a man standing there. He is dressed in plate armor and has a sword by his side. "Greetings." The man says.

"Greetings in return." You reply, keeping your guard up.

You say "What needs ye?"

"I am sent here from the castle to find you. I need your help." This doesn't sound good. Not at all.

You say "Ah well, I'm not too busy at the moment. Help with what?"

"With slaying an evil vampire." You stop what you're doing and look at the man. He seems to be quite serious about this.

"An... an evil vampi... are you sure?

You say "Aren't most vampires good?"

"Most are, but this one is trying to take over the kingdom." This seems impossible. Vampires are usually considered the epitome of good.

You say "Where is this vampire right now?"

"He is currently in the castle." You aren't sure if you should believe this man, but if he says that the vampire is in the castle then he must be right.

You grab your equipment, tell the knight to hang on tight, and teleport yourself, the knight, and the alligator to the castle grounds of Larion.

You appear next to Ivial. You look down and see the alligator staring at you, it seems to be wondering what you're going to do next.

You cast a spell of detect evil.

Your mind is flooded with images of evil. You see a castle, a coffin, a priest, and a dark ritual. You see everything in glorious detail. "Look out!" The knight yells.

You use the information from the spell to locate the vampire. You grab Ivial's attention back to you and point towards the castle. It seems to know exactly where to go.

You casually throw a massive fireball at whatever the knight was warning you about.

The fireball flies through the air and lands directly on the vampire. You watch as the vampire is engulfed in flames.

You yell at the knight to get a priest while you hold the vampire at bay.

The vampire retreats from the flames, but the damage is done. You know the vampire is still alive, and will soon get back up. You turn your attention back to the knight.

He runs to get a priest, while the battle against the vampire rages on.

The vampire's coffin opens and the coffin smashes open. The priest arrives and runs up to the coffin, which has now turned into dust. He desperately prays, but it's no use. The vampire crumbles to dust.

You incinerate the vampire dust, then pour holy water on the blaze. It's the only way to be sure.

You toss the vial of holy water into the fire. It melts almost immediately, and you pour the contents of the vial on top of the dust and ash.

You celebrate the death of the only evil vampire in the world.

You wait for the dust to cool, then grab it and crush it with your hands. You throw the dust into a nearby pile with all the other dust you and Ivial have collected throughout the quest.

You realize that dead vampire dust is a perfect spell component, and go home.

You arrive home. You enter your house and head upstairs to your room.