Part 1: Insomnia

It was just one of those nights. One of those nights where no matter how much she twisted and turned beneath her sheets, Luna could not find sleep. Gripping her pillow close to her chest, she yawned. She moaned. She muttered a curse, gripping the pillowcase. The pillow flopped against the floor, as Luna glared at the pillow with bloodshot eyes. Why can't I sleep, she thought rolling onto her back. Resting her hand on her chest, Luna breathed. Closing her eyes, she took three deep breaths and rolled onto her side. Her toes popping out from beneath the sheets. She bit her lip as she pulled her toes back, thinking he'd grab them. Damn it. Her eyes opened. He wasn't there.

Sitting up, Luna rubbed her eyes. She should be fine. She shouldn't be having any issues sleeping. An hour ago, she'd taken four melatonin pills, and her room was drenched in the sound of raindrops from her Bluetooth speaker. Running her fingers through her Auburn hair, she clenched a strand. She shouldn't be thinking of him. Sliding out of bed, a chill shoot through her feet as they met the oak floor. Snap out of it, she told her self. She had reminded herself since she woke up that today would be the day she didn't think of him. The day where all those pent up feelings would disperse and she could find some peace. But her room was drenched with memories of him, he was her best friend after all.

Damn… She thought as her eyes scanned the room. The sheets stained with Pepsi lay discarded on the floor. The bottles of bourbon and whiskey- some standing upright, as the others lay flat on the floor, dripping- lay beneath her window. The window with the view, she thought. Her lips edged into a smile as she wrapped her arms around herself, tight. Just like he had, once. Her fan creaked as it spun, spreading the smell of liquor and his pine cologne. Her chest heaved, and for a moment a tear slid down her cheek. She swatted it away. Sniffled. Forced herself to smile. He already chose her. Luna told herself, clenching the pear moonstone necklace that hung from her neck. I should have said something a long time ago.

You can say something now. She thought to herself. Everywhere she looked there were memories. Memories she loved: dancing in the rain, studying together, cooking together, that… that one kiss. Yet now, even as she wanted to look at all the memories with a smile, all she could do was fight back tears if she stared for too long. Take a shot of water, Luna glanced over to her nightstand. Stepping over some discarded clothes, she shuffled across her room. Bending over the stand, Luna reached for her phone. Her eyes drifted and Luna noticed the turned over photograph and the book he had given her: Hamilton. She bit her lip as his voice etched in her mind. Luna, you're like the smartest person I know. He had said, chuckling. If you stopped waiting around for things to be perfect, and just took a shot. You'd probably rule the world or something. Her hand shot to her chest, her heart pounding, as she began to remember. Just take a shot. He had said, before leaning in. She smiled. She didn't want to smile.

The picture frame was still there, lying flat against her nightstand. She still remembered the night she tossed it across the room. Shards of glass scattering from beneath it, as the frame ricocheted off her wall. She had screamed at him as he slammed the door behind him. Then, her eyes had widened as she scampered from her bed to the floor, picking up each piece. Returning it to the stand, she couldn't look it the broken frame and turned it down. Luna sighed, she hated how angry she had been. Casting her gaze to the floor, what if I had gone after him. Instead of breaking the frame. Maybe… Maybe he would have chosen me. Scratching a tear away, Luna grabbed her phone and dialed his number.

Luna clung to her phone, pressing it close to her ear as her other hand clung to her chest. She hadn't heard his voice in a week. She thought of hanging up as the phone buzzed against her ear. If he had wanted to talk to her, he would have called. Texted. Sent an email… Something. But, all she had heard was the dead silence. Glaring down at the phone, her thumb moved to the little red button.

"Hey, it's Kolson," His voice broke through the rings "leave a message after the beeeeeeeep."

"Hey Kol, I..." She said, twinning her fingers through a strand of her hair. She pressed the strand of hair against her neck. "I know you-"

"Ha, sorry for the fake beep, now you gotta restart your message." Beep. Silence.

Luna groaned as she tossed her phone at her bed. She knew Kol never actually checked his voice mail, sometimes he'd go months without even checking his phone. When she asked him about it, he'd drone on about how the government used their phones to imprint their minds with 'behavior chips' that made them long to obey the big government. She would normally roll her eyes and then punch his shoulder.

If I'm going to do this… Luna sighed. Taking a quick breath, Luna turned toward her door. I'm gonna have to do it in person, she thought to herself as she grabbed her coat.

Luna froze as she exited her building. Gripping her elbows as the door slammed shut behind her, she dug her fingers into the fabric of her coat. She wanted to turn around, run back to her room, and fling herself onto her bed. She could rest. Play louder music, take four more melatonin pills, she'd slam her eyes shut and forget Kolson. Move on. She needed to move on. Glancing up, a full moon hung above her, clouds lining the night sky as stars began to shine through. It's the perfect night to give up. She thought to herself, her shaking hand reaching for the doorknob.

Her phone rippled against her thigh, and Luna dug for it. Gripping her phone, she stared at the name ignited against the screen. A notification beeped, and the phone slid. Shattered. Skidding against the sidewalk. Ko-=l-_==son blinked from the chipped screen. Lines running up, down, sideways, as the casing around them glimmered different colors. Did he check his phone? Did he miss me? Did he want to talk to me? The questions shuffled in her head quicker than she could respond. Shuffling forward, Luna dug her hands deep into her coat pocket. She wasn't sure what she was about to do. Wasn't sure if it were ration. Wasn't even sure if he still loved her. But when had Kolson ever done what was expected or warranted? She just… She just needed to see him one more time. And this time, she'd tell him the truth.

Do you love me too?

No. She had lied.

Howdy, y'all. Thank you for taking the time to read the first part of my story. I hope you enjoyed it, and if you did please leave a review. If you have any feedback on how I can continue to improve as a writer, please also leave a review. I'm always looking to grow as a writer so any feedback is always appreciated.