Scene viii
ANOTHONY has set up a pick-nick on FIONA's front yard, down stage, complete with blanket, basket, dishes, and vase of flowers. Bagels, cream cheese, jelly, fruit salad, and a display of various danishes and pastries await her along with a pitcher of homemade iced tea. FIONA is unconscious, leaning up against the closed door, up stage right. ANTHONY pats HER eyes using a wet napkin (wet with the water from the vase of flowers) gently trying to revive HER. SHE wakes-up.
ANTHONY
We've got to stop meeting like this.
FIONA
Huh? Anthony. Hi. What happened this time?
ANTHONY
We'll at least you got my name right.
I don't actually know. I called you, told you I was outside. You said you'd be out in a "jiffy." Ok, Leave it to Beaver. A couple of minutes later I hear the door close, and you're on the floor unconscious. You were lying on the concrete, so I pushed you up against the door, but you were out for a good five minutes. Are you on any medications?
FIONA
What? No. I don't do drugs.
ANTHONY
Narcoleptic?
FIONA
Not that I know of.
ANTHONY
Do you sleep at night?
FIONA
No… I'm somewhat of a night owl.
ANTHONY
That explains it.
FIONA
I wanted to tell you when we made plans yesterday, but I didn't want to disappoint you.
ANTHONY
What?
FIONA
I'm really not much of a morning person.
ANTHONY
It's cool. I just thought a pick-nick would be romantic. And with our busy schedules…
FIONA
[Noticing the pick-nick set-up in front of them, SHE interrupts HIM. Regaining HER strength, SHE stands-up.]
Christ! Anthony! You didn't have to go through so much trouble.
ANOTHONY
No trouble. I wanted to do it.
FIONA
But danishes, fruit, homemade iced tea… This is too much. I'm overwhelmed.
ANTHONY
[Standing-up, HE grabs HER hand.]
No need, Darling.
FIONA
[SHE let's go.]
I'm really more of Dunkin Donuts girl, than a Starbucks chick, if you know what I mean… What did you just call me?
ANTHONY
"Darling" You don't like it?
FIONA
No it's not that…
ANTHONY
Oh I get it. We're not at the point where we can have cute pet names yet.
FIONA
Anthony… I have to be honest with you.
ANTHONY
Can we have breakfast first?
[Picking up a danish, HE tempts HER.]
Come on, have a danish. They're apple, your favorite.
FIONA
How did you know that?
ANTHONY
Lucky guess.
FIONA
I... Christ. Ok, you did go through all this trouble.
ANTHONY
I did.
[SHE takes the danish from HIM, and sits down on the blanket. HE follows, sitting next to HER. SHE turns herself to face HIM, creating distance between THEM, After taking a bite of the danish, SHE speaks.]
FIONA
Listen, Anthony…
ANTHONY
Do you like it?
FIONA
Delicious. Thanks.
ANTHONY
You're welcome, Cupcake.
FIONA
Don't call me "Cupcake."
ANTHONY
Sorry… Dumpling.
FIONA
Anthony.
ANTHONY
Ginger Snap?
FIONA
ANTHONY! Stop. Please. I'm trying to tell you something.
ANTHONY
Ok, ok. What's up…Fiona?
FIONA
That's better.
[SHE takes another bite of the danish.]
You know, this really is a good danish. Where did you get the spread?
ANTHONY
The supermarket. You'd be surprised of the quality of their baked goods.
FIONA
Apparently.
ANTHONY
So…?
FIONA
Buttons.
ANTHONY
What?
FIONA
So… buttons. "Sew" buttons… like "sewing…"
[SHE gestures.]
Get it?
ANTHONY
Oh. Seriously?
FIONA
Yeah… No… I guess not.
ANTHONY
Didn't think so.
Listen, do you still want me to teach you how to skateboard?
FIONA
Of course… if you still want to teach me…
ANTHONY
After that nasty fall you took… I don't know… it might cost you.
FIONA
Oh. Sure. I can pay you… what? Like ten bucks an hour?
ANTHONY
I wasn't thinking money.
FIONA
Oh… Ok, then what?
ANTHONY
Something a bit more personal.
FIONA
I make a mean mix CD.
ANTHONY
That's cool, but not exactly what I meant either.
FIONA
Ok… want me to draw you something?
ANTHONY
Not necessary.
FIONA
I can teach you to draw! Then we'd be even!
ANTHONY
I'm already taking an art class.
FIONA
What then?
ANTHONY
[HE extends HIS hand out for HER to grab it. SHE does.]
It's been a month.
FIONA
Ooooh.
ANTHONY
[HE inches closer to her on the blanket, still holding hands.]
I love you.
[Caught up in the moment, SHE leans into HIM. HE kisses HER, briefly. SHE pushes HIM away from HER. SHE stands up to leave.]
Darling… What's wrong?
FIONA
I can't do this, Anthony. I'm sorry. You're a nice guy and all… but I just can't.
ANTHONY
Did I move too fast? I always do that …
FIONA
No… Well, yes… but even if you hadn't…
ANTHONY
It's that "Roscoe" guy you keep mentioning, isn't it?
FIONA
Roscoe? What? No. I mean… It's hard to explain.
ANTHONY
[Angered, HE stands-up.]
No need. Do me a favor, Fiona.
FIONA
Yes?
ANTHONY
Answer one question.
FIONA
Ok.
ANTHONY
Are you single?
FIONA
Yes… I mean…. Wait!
ANTHONY
I thought so.
[HE pack ups the pick-nick. HE tries to hide HIS sobs.]
FIONA
Anthony… I never meant to hurt you.
ANTHONY
Of course not.
FIONA
I like you a lot, I really do.
\
ANTHONY
But…
FIONA
But, right now… there's a lot going on in my life…
ANTHONY
And…
FIONA
And, I wasn't really looking for a boy friend… not in a romantic sense anyway…
ANTHONY
Right… and Roscoe?
FIONA
What about Roscoe?
ANTHONY
You could have told me you were interested in someone else.
FIONA
It's not like that… really. I don't know why I kept calling you "Roscoe."
ANTHONY
I don't know either.
FIONA
[SHE grabs the other end of the pick-nick blanket.]
At least let me help you fold this…
ANTHONY
Ok.
[THEY fold the blanket neatly together. THEY sit down on the edge of the stage, above the stairs, representing the flight of stairs at end of the side walk leading up to her house. ANTHONY is still sobbing. SHE puts HER arm around HIM, and very gently SHE speaks.]
FIONA
Thanks for everything, Anthony. I really mean it.
ANTHONY
Don't mention it.
FIONA
I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been there help me up after all my falls.
ANTHONY
Yeah, you need to be more careful.
FIONA
I know. I'm trying.
ANTHONY
Good.
[HE removes HER arm from HIS back.]
I gotta go. Good luck with, Roscoe. He's lucky to have you.
FIONA
That means a lot. Thanks. I know, I know… "Don't…"
ANTHONY
[HE interrupts HER.]
You're welcome.
[HE stands up. SHE follows.]
Peace, Fiona.
FIONA
Peace.
[HE exits off stage left.]
Bye, Anthony.
He really was a good kid… and that danish really was delicious… shame to let a breakfast like that go to waste…. Oh well.
[SHE opens the door to HER house. SHE enters the living room.]
I'm back, Love! Did you miss me?
[SHE enters the kitchen and finds ROSCOE is missing from HIS seat on HIS chair in the kitchen.]
Love?
Dear?
Where did you go?
[SHE looks up and down the kitchen, into the living room. SHE resolves to check upstairs in HER bedroom. SHE calls to HIM as SHE looks around the house. SHE finds ROSCOE sitting on HER bed, motionless.]
There you are, Love! I don't remember leaving you up here!
[SHE sits HIM up against the backboard of HER bed. SHE stays seated next to HIM. The expression on HIS faces seems vaguely bemused.]
I had an interesting date with Anthony.
[SHE looks at HIM.]
We broke-up.
[SHE looks away.]
Good danish though. Apple. My favorite.
[Pause]
See, he's under this silly impression that… that…
[Pause]
I'm in love with you.
[SHE looks at HIM. HE remains motionless. SHE looks away again]
Which is crazy, of course! How can I be in love with a giant stuffed carnival dog I won fifteen years ago at a street fair… who's been invading my dreams at night… making me think that he's real… and we're in love… and... well… I couldn't have explained that to Anthony; he'd have sent me straight to the loony bin!
Which is probably where I belong…
Oh dear. Now what?
I must seriously be psychologically damaged to ruin a good thing, with a real guy, who was treating me like a princess… for once…
Christ. What the hell was I thinking?!
Ok, calm yourself, Fiona.
You did what you thought was right.
But he seemed so perfect, and yet… not.
There was something unreal about him…. Too good to be true… like I was living in a…
a… DREAM!
[Pause]
I am in love with someone else…
` [SHE turns to ROSCOE, grabbing HIS paw in her hand, SHE kisses it.]
You.
[Pause]
I love you with all my heart.
[STILL holdng his paw, SHE kisses HIM. BLACKOUT. "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by The Rolling Stones plays during the scene change.]
Scene ix
A hospital room tastefully decorated to resemble a comfortable hotel room as opposed to a hospital, complete with cable television, flowers, paintings of the beach, and a garden view. FIONA lies unconscious on the bed. A heart monitor beeps in the background. We see HER mother. SHE is a kind, gentle woman, who bares a remarkable resemblance to Mrs. Darling from Nickelodeon's Clarissa Explains It All complete with macaroni jewelry made by HER students at "The Children's Museum," yet with a voice that still resembles Nanny from Muppet Babies. SHE is holding FIONA'S hand. FIONA awakens, groggy for obvious reasons.
FIONA
Mom?
FIONA'S MOTHER
Yes, Dear?
FIONA
Where am I?
FIONA'S MOTHER
The hospital, Dear.
FIONA
Why?
FIONA'S MOTHER
That's what we're trying to figure out.
FIONA
How long have I been out?
FIONA'S MOTHER
We're not sure. We guess a couple of hours.
FIONA
How long have I been here?
FIONA'S MOTHER
Forty-five minutes or so.
FIONA
How did I get here?
FIONA'S MOTHER
Well, do you remember your friend Anthony had been to the house to visit with you earlier?
FIONA
Yes.
FIONA'S MOTHER
He said the two of you had a serious discussion outside on our lawn, right?
FIONA
Well… yeah, it was pretty serious… I guess.
FIONA'S MOTHER
He mentioned something about you and Roscoe?
FIONA
Uh… what did he say…
FIONA'S MOTHER
Just that you always bring him up at inappropriate moments.
FIONA
Oh… but how did I…
FIONA'S MOTHER
[Cutting HER off]
Get here? Right… Well, in the heat of the moment, Anthony had forgotten to give you something he thought was important. So he drove back to the house, and knocked on the door. Some time had gone by and you didn't answer, but your car was still in the driveway. So he called the house a few times. When there was still no answer, he called the police.
FIONA
What?! Why would he do that?!
FIONA'S MOTHER
He was worried about you, dear… Rightfully so.
FIONA
[Infuriated.]
Ok, so then what happened?
FIONA'S MOTHER
When the police got to the house, they went up to your room and found you on the floor, with Roscoe on top of you. You had a huge welt on your head.
FIONA
Oh that!
[SHE feels the welt]
That's from another time… Anthony should have known that….
FIONA'S MOTHER
Well, if he did… he didn't say anything.
[Pause]
Honey, you didn't wake-up when they got there.
FIONA
Oh.
FIONA'S MOTHER
And they tried their best to wake you, Dear, but they were afraid you had hit your head and slipped into a coma, by yourself. It was a good thing, Anthony did what he did.
FIONA
Yeah, I guess… but I didn't.
FIONA'S MOTHER
No, we know. The doctor ran some tests. Found out you were under a lot of stress… and judging from what Anthony told us about your recent encounters this past month… That welt on your head's thrown off your equilibrium causing you to fall… a lot. He said every time he's seen you he's had to get ice for it. Why didn't you tell us you've been hitting your head?
FIONA
I didn't think it was serious.
FIONA"S MOTHER
Fiona! It's very serious! You really could have slipped into a coma! And then what I would have done? Where would I have found another daughter your age in this economy?
FIONA
Mom...
FIONA'S MOTHER
Just trying to lighten the mood, Dear.
FIONA
Right. Anyway… What did the doctor do?
FIONA'S MOTHER
He gave you an IV loaded with vitamins and let you sleep. He recommends that you remove the stressors from your life.
[Pause]
Honey… we got rid of Roscoe.
FIONA
[Sitting up in bed, SHE throws a tantrum.]
WHAT?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT! I LOVE HIM!
FIONA'S MOTHER
We know, Honey, we know. But he's not real. He's a stuffed animal. You know that. Right?
FIONA
But Mom, he is real! He kissed me!
FIONA'S MOTHER
[Somewhat patronizing]
When?
FIONA
The other day… right before I fell… I dreamt….
FIONA'S MOTHER
Exactly, Dear. You dreamt it. It was all in your dreams.
Now Anthony is a nice boy.
FIONA
I know, I told him that.
FIONA'S MOTHER
And he said you broke-up because of Roscoe…
FIONA
He said that! We didn't! He just assumed….
FIONA'S MOTHER
Honey, relax. Your heartbeat is racing… Look at the monitor.
FIONA
CHRIST! I don't care about the stupid monitor, Mom! Roscoe was mine! He was the only friend I had in this God-forsaken world… and you got rid of him! Without my permission! I WASN'T EVEN CONSCIOUS FOR CHRIST"S SAKE!
FIONA'S MOTHER
But, he wasn't real, Dear. He wasn't.
FIONA
He was real to me.
[ENTER DOCTOR. A charismatic older gentleman in HIS late sixties, HE approaches FIONA'S bed, clipboard in hand.]
DOCTOR
I see you're feeling better, Fiona… Judging by your heart monitor, that is.
FIONA
Ha… yeah. Sorry, Doc.
DOCTOR
Don't worry about it. We'd rather have you yelling than not… if you get what I mean.
FIONA
Yeah.
DOCTOR
Now, since you're awake, I need to ask you some memory questions to make sure you're not suffering from amnesia… as well as narcolepsy. Mom, if you'll please excuse us…
FIONA'S MOTHER
Of course… I'll be outside waiting in the lobby, Dear.
FIONA
Ok, Mom.
DOCTOR
I'll come get you when I'm done, Mrs. Hart.
FIONA'S MOTHER
Thank you, Doctor. For everything.
DOCTOR
No problem.
[EXIT FIONA'S MOTHER, disappointed and frightened. After a moment, FIONA speaks.]
FIONA
Narcolepsy?
DOCTOR
That was a joke. You're fine. These questions are routine, "just in cases."
FIONA
Love Actually.
DOCTOR
What?
FIONA
You said, "Just in cases." From Love Actually… The part where Colin Firth asks the Portuguese girl to marry him… I watch a lot of movies, sorry.
DOCTOR
[HE laughs.]
Sounds like you're memory is fine when it comes to movies. Now, let's check your life.
Full Name?
FIONA
Fiona Arielle Hart
DOCTOR
Date of Birth?
FIONA
February 20th, 1986.
DOCTOR
Astrological sign?
FIONA
Aquarius.
DOCTOR
Hmm… I'm a Taurus. Pets?
FIONA
One fish, Felipe.
DOCTOR
Occupation?
FIONA
Me? Or the fish?
DOCTOR
[A chuckle]
You.
FIONA
Student.
DOCTOR
Major?
FIONA
Acting
DOCTOR
Are you sure?
FIONA
[Pause]
Writing.
DOCTOR
Excellent!... Just one more… Boy friend?
FIONA
Uh… None… as of today,
[Enter ANTHONY shyly standing in the doorway to the room.]
ANTHONY
Fiona? Darling?
FIONA
Anthony! We were just… What are you doing here?
ANTHONY
Doctor, may I come in?
DOCTOR
[With a knowing smile] Ask the patient.
ANTHONY
Fiona… May I come in?
FIONA
Sure.
[Pause]
What are you doing here? `
ANTHONY
I wanted to see how you are feeling.
FIONA
Better, I guess. Better…
ANTHONY
I'm glad.
FIONA
[Beat]
I'm glad… you stopped by.
ANTHONY
Really? I wasn't sure if I should considering…
FIONA
Yeah, well… about that…
[Beat]
DOCTOR
[Taking over the moment, HE removes the IV and disconnects the heart monitor.]
Fiona, it looks like you won't be needing any of these any more.
You're going to be fine.
FIONA
That's it? No other questions?
DOCTOR
Not unless you have any for me.
FIONA
[Pause]
When can I go home?
DOCTOR
Right now if you like. Perhaps your… [With a wink toward Anthony] gentleman friend would like to take you.
ANTHONY
Sure! It's the least I can do…
DOCTOR
Is that alright with you, Fiona?
FIONA
Of course…
DOCTOR
I'll leave you two kids alone to discuss the [Clears throat] logistics.
[HE exits whistling with a slightly merry shuffle.]
FIONA
[SHE begins as SHE gets ready to leave.]
Anthony… I'm…
ANTHONY
[Interrupting, HE pats HER on HER head.]
Darling… Love, don't mention it.
[Pause]
Did you feed Felipe today?
FIONA
Now that you mention it, I forgot…
[Beat]
Wait, what? Did I tell you…?
ANTHONY
I heard…
FIONA
Oh.
[Sitting on the bed, SHE stares at him quizzically. Pause.]
You remind me of someone….
ANTHONY
Don't tell me… Roscoe.
FIONA
Roscoe… Christ! Anthony, I want you to know, I…
ANTHONY
[Stopping HER]
Fiona… Ditto.
FIONA
[Beat]
Anthony…
ANTHONY
Yes, Dear?
FIONA
Anthony, I swear I've seen you someplace else, some place other than school…
ANTHONY
Perhaps, in your dreams.
[SHE looks at him suspiciously. HE laughs, giving her another pat on the head.]
Let's go home, Love.
FIONA
Home… "Love." You know, I could get used to that.
[SHE stands-up.]
Yes, let's.
[SHE grabs his hands, pulling him toward her.]
Anthony, seriously, thanks for saving me… again.
ANTHONY
It's what I do.
FIONA
Apparently.
[Beat]
What was it you forgot to give me?
ANTHONY
When?
FIONA
[Sharing an intimate moment, SHE leans into him.]
When you saved me… Mom said you ran back because you forgot to give me something, what was it?
ANTHONY
Oh… just… this…
[HE leans into her, brushing her hair behind her ear, caressing her cheeks; THEY kiss.]
FIONA
Christ! Anthony! It is you!
[Pause]
I am completely, totally, and undeniably…
ANTHONY
Flabbergasted. I know. It's ok.
To be honest, I am, too.
FIONA
[SHE feels his face, arms, chest, etc…]
How…?
Never mind… I don't want to know.
[Kneeling up on the bed, SHE kisses HIM again. Pause]
This can't be real…
ANTHONY
You're not fainting. And there's no dream sequence music playing.
FIONA
[Still flummoxed.]
Wow. Just wow.
[Pause, SHE comes to HER senses. SHE grabs HIS hand.]
Mom is going to flip when she finds out...
[SHE winks at HIM. HE smiles back.]
… We're back together.
[SHE runs to the door, calls outside.]
MOOOM!
ANTHONY
[Joining FIONA at the door, HE puts HIS arm around HER, kissing her on the cheek.]
Mrs. Hart! You can come back in now! We're ready to go home.
[FADE OUT. FIN]