Scene viii

ANOTHONY has set up a pick-nick on FIONA's front yard, down stage, complete with blanket, basket, dishes, and vase of flowers. Bagels, cream cheese, jelly, fruit salad, and a display of various danishes and pastries await her along with a pitcher of homemade iced tea. FIONA is unconscious, leaning up against the closed door, up stage right. ANTHONY pats HER eyes using a wet napkin (wet with the water from the vase of flowers) gently trying to revive HER. SHE wakes-up.

ANTHONY

We've got to stop meeting like this.

FIONA

Huh? Anthony. Hi. What happened this time?

ANTHONY

We'll at least you got my name right.

I don't actually know. I called you, told you I was outside. You said you'd be out in a "jiffy." Ok, Leave it to Beaver. A couple of minutes later I hear the door close, and you're on the floor unconscious. You were lying on the concrete, so I pushed you up against the door, but you were out for a good five minutes. Are you on any medications?

FIONA

What? No. I don't do drugs.

ANTHONY

Narcoleptic?

FIONA

Not that I know of.

ANTHONY

Do you sleep at night?

FIONA

No… I'm somewhat of a night owl.

ANTHONY

That explains it.

FIONA

I wanted to tell you when we made plans yesterday, but I didn't want to disappoint you.

ANTHONY

What?

FIONA

I'm really not much of a morning person.

ANTHONY

It's cool. I just thought a pick-nick would be romantic. And with our busy schedules…

FIONA

[Noticing the pick-nick set-up in front of them, SHE interrupts HIM. Regaining HER strength, SHE stands-up.]

Christ! Anthony! You didn't have to go through so much trouble.

ANOTHONY

No trouble. I wanted to do it.

FIONA

But danishes, fruit, homemade iced tea… This is too much. I'm overwhelmed.

ANTHONY

[Standing-up, HE grabs HER hand.]

No need, Darling.

FIONA

[SHE let's go.]

I'm really more of Dunkin Donuts girl, than a Starbucks chick, if you know what I mean… What did you just call me?

ANTHONY

"Darling" You don't like it?

FIONA

No it's not that…

ANTHONY

Oh I get it. We're not at the point where we can have cute pet names yet.

FIONA

Anthony… I have to be honest with you.

ANTHONY

Can we have breakfast first?

[Picking up a danish, HE tempts HER.]

Come on, have a danish. They're apple, your favorite.

FIONA

How did you know that?

ANTHONY

Lucky guess.

FIONA

I... Christ. Ok, you did go through all this trouble.

ANTHONY

I did.

[SHE takes the danish from HIM, and sits down on the blanket. HE follows, sitting next to HER. SHE turns herself to face HIM, creating distance between THEM, After taking a bite of the danish, SHE speaks.]

FIONA

Listen, Anthony…

ANTHONY

Do you like it?

FIONA

Delicious. Thanks.

ANTHONY

You're welcome, Cupcake.

FIONA

Don't call me "Cupcake."

ANTHONY

Sorry… Dumpling.

FIONA

Anthony.

ANTHONY

Ginger Snap?

FIONA

ANTHONY! Stop. Please. I'm trying to tell you something.

ANTHONY

Ok, ok. What's up…Fiona?

FIONA

That's better.

[SHE takes another bite of the danish.]

You know, this really is a good danish. Where did you get the spread?

ANTHONY

The supermarket. You'd be surprised of the quality of their baked goods.

FIONA

Apparently.

ANTHONY

So…?

FIONA

Buttons.

ANTHONY

What?

FIONA

So… buttons. "Sew" buttons… like "sewing…"

[SHE gestures.]

Get it?

ANTHONY

Oh. Seriously?

FIONA

Yeah… No… I guess not.

ANTHONY

Didn't think so.

Listen, do you still want me to teach you how to skateboard?

FIONA

Of course… if you still want to teach me…

ANTHONY

After that nasty fall you took… I don't know… it might cost you.

FIONA

Oh. Sure. I can pay you… what? Like ten bucks an hour?

ANTHONY

I wasn't thinking money.

FIONA

Oh… Ok, then what?

ANTHONY

Something a bit more personal.

FIONA

I make a mean mix CD.

ANTHONY

That's cool, but not exactly what I meant either.

FIONA

Ok… want me to draw you something?

ANTHONY

Not necessary.

FIONA

I can teach you to draw! Then we'd be even!

ANTHONY

I'm already taking an art class.

FIONA

What then?

ANTHONY

[HE extends HIS hand out for HER to grab it. SHE does.]

It's been a month.

FIONA

Ooooh.

ANTHONY

[HE inches closer to her on the blanket, still holding hands.]

I love you.

[Caught up in the moment, SHE leans into HIM. HE kisses HER, briefly. SHE pushes HIM away from HER. SHE stands up to leave.]

Darling… What's wrong?

FIONA

I can't do this, Anthony. I'm sorry. You're a nice guy and all… but I just can't.

ANTHONY

Did I move too fast? I always do that …

FIONA

No… Well, yes… but even if you hadn't…

ANTHONY

It's that "Roscoe" guy you keep mentioning, isn't it?

FIONA

Roscoe? What? No. I mean… It's hard to explain.

ANTHONY

[Angered, HE stands-up.]

No need. Do me a favor, Fiona.

FIONA

Yes?

ANTHONY

Answer one question.

FIONA

Ok.

ANTHONY

Are you single?

FIONA

Yes… I mean…. Wait!

ANTHONY

I thought so.

[HE pack ups the pick-nick. HE tries to hide HIS sobs.]

FIONA

Anthony… I never meant to hurt you.

ANTHONY

Of course not.

FIONA

I like you a lot, I really do.

\

ANTHONY

But…

FIONA

But, right now… there's a lot going on in my life…

ANTHONY

And…

FIONA

And, I wasn't really looking for a boy friend… not in a romantic sense anyway…

ANTHONY

Right… and Roscoe?

FIONA

What about Roscoe?

ANTHONY

You could have told me you were interested in someone else.

FIONA

It's not like that… really. I don't know why I kept calling you "Roscoe."

ANTHONY

I don't know either.

FIONA

[SHE grabs the other end of the pick-nick blanket.]

At least let me help you fold this…

ANTHONY

Ok.

[THEY fold the blanket neatly together. THEY sit down on the edge of the stage, above the stairs, representing the flight of stairs at end of the side walk leading up to her house. ANTHONY is still sobbing. SHE puts HER arm around HIM, and very gently SHE speaks.]

FIONA

Thanks for everything, Anthony. I really mean it.

ANTHONY

Don't mention it.

FIONA

I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been there help me up after all my falls.

ANTHONY

Yeah, you need to be more careful.

FIONA

I know. I'm trying.

ANTHONY

Good.

[HE removes HER arm from HIS back.]

I gotta go. Good luck with, Roscoe. He's lucky to have you.

FIONA

That means a lot. Thanks. I know, I know… "Don't…"

ANTHONY

[HE interrupts HER.]

You're welcome.

[HE stands up. SHE follows.]

Peace, Fiona.

FIONA

Peace.

[HE exits off stage left.]

Bye, Anthony.

He really was a good kid… and that danish really was delicious… shame to let a breakfast like that go to waste…. Oh well.

[SHE opens the door to HER house. SHE enters the living room.]

I'm back, Love! Did you miss me?

[SHE enters the kitchen and finds ROSCOE is missing from HIS seat on HIS chair in the kitchen.]

Love?

Dear?

Where did you go?

[SHE looks up and down the kitchen, into the living room. SHE resolves to check upstairs in HER bedroom. SHE calls to HIM as SHE looks around the house. SHE finds ROSCOE sitting on HER bed, motionless.]

There you are, Love! I don't remember leaving you up here!

[SHE sits HIM up against the backboard of HER bed. SHE stays seated next to HIM. The expression on HIS faces seems vaguely bemused.]

I had an interesting date with Anthony.

[SHE looks at HIM.]

We broke-up.

[SHE looks away.]

Good danish though. Apple. My favorite.

[Pause]

See, he's under this silly impression that… that…

[Pause]

I'm in love with you.

[SHE looks at HIM. HE remains motionless. SHE looks away again]

Which is crazy, of course! How can I be in love with a giant stuffed carnival dog I won fifteen years ago at a street fair… who's been invading my dreams at night… making me think that he's real… and we're in love… and... well… I couldn't have explained that to Anthony; he'd have sent me straight to the loony bin!

Which is probably where I belong…

Oh dear. Now what?

I must seriously be psychologically damaged to ruin a good thing, with a real guy, who was treating me like a princess… for once…

Christ. What the hell was I thinking?!

Ok, calm yourself, Fiona.

You did what you thought was right.

But he seemed so perfect, and yet… not.

There was something unreal about him…. Too good to be true… like I was living in a…

a… DREAM!

[Pause]

I am in love with someone else…

` [SHE turns to ROSCOE, grabbing HIS paw in her hand, SHE kisses it.]

You.

[Pause]

I love you with all my heart.

[STILL holdng his paw, SHE kisses HIM. BLACKOUT. "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by The Rolling Stones plays during the scene change.]

Scene ix

A hospital room tastefully decorated to resemble a comfortable hotel room as opposed to a hospital, complete with cable television, flowers, paintings of the beach, and a garden view. FIONA lies unconscious on the bed. A heart monitor beeps in the background. We see HER mother. SHE is a kind, gentle woman, who bares a remarkable resemblance to Mrs. Darling from Nickelodeon's Clarissa Explains It All complete with macaroni jewelry made by HER students at "The Children's Museum," yet with a voice that still resembles Nanny from Muppet Babies. SHE is holding FIONA'S hand. FIONA awakens, groggy for obvious reasons.

FIONA

Mom?

FIONA'S MOTHER

Yes, Dear?

FIONA

Where am I?

FIONA'S MOTHER

The hospital, Dear.

FIONA

Why?

FIONA'S MOTHER

That's what we're trying to figure out.

FIONA

How long have I been out?

FIONA'S MOTHER

We're not sure. We guess a couple of hours.

FIONA

How long have I been here?

FIONA'S MOTHER

Forty-five minutes or so.

FIONA

How did I get here?

FIONA'S MOTHER

Well, do you remember your friend Anthony had been to the house to visit with you earlier?

FIONA

Yes.

FIONA'S MOTHER

He said the two of you had a serious discussion outside on our lawn, right?

FIONA

Well… yeah, it was pretty serious… I guess.

FIONA'S MOTHER

He mentioned something about you and Roscoe?

FIONA

Uh… what did he say…

FIONA'S MOTHER

Just that you always bring him up at inappropriate moments.

FIONA

Oh… but how did I…

FIONA'S MOTHER

[Cutting HER off]

Get here? Right… Well, in the heat of the moment, Anthony had forgotten to give you something he thought was important. So he drove back to the house, and knocked on the door. Some time had gone by and you didn't answer, but your car was still in the driveway. So he called the house a few times. When there was still no answer, he called the police.

FIONA

What?! Why would he do that?!

FIONA'S MOTHER

He was worried about you, dear… Rightfully so.

FIONA

[Infuriated.]

Ok, so then what happened?

FIONA'S MOTHER

When the police got to the house, they went up to your room and found you on the floor, with Roscoe on top of you. You had a huge welt on your head.

FIONA

Oh that!

[SHE feels the welt]

That's from another time… Anthony should have known that….

FIONA'S MOTHER

Well, if he did… he didn't say anything.

[Pause]

Honey, you didn't wake-up when they got there.

FIONA

Oh.

FIONA'S MOTHER

And they tried their best to wake you, Dear, but they were afraid you had hit your head and slipped into a coma, by yourself. It was a good thing, Anthony did what he did.

FIONA

Yeah, I guess… but I didn't.

FIONA'S MOTHER

No, we know. The doctor ran some tests. Found out you were under a lot of stress… and judging from what Anthony told us about your recent encounters this past month… That welt on your head's thrown off your equilibrium causing you to fall… a lot. He said every time he's seen you he's had to get ice for it. Why didn't you tell us you've been hitting your head?

FIONA

I didn't think it was serious.

FIONA"S MOTHER

Fiona! It's very serious! You really could have slipped into a coma! And then what I would have done? Where would I have found another daughter your age in this economy?

FIONA

Mom...

FIONA'S MOTHER

Just trying to lighten the mood, Dear.

FIONA

Right. Anyway… What did the doctor do?

FIONA'S MOTHER

He gave you an IV loaded with vitamins and let you sleep. He recommends that you remove the stressors from your life.

[Pause]

Honey… we got rid of Roscoe.

FIONA

[Sitting up in bed, SHE throws a tantrum.]

WHAT?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT! I LOVE HIM!

FIONA'S MOTHER

We know, Honey, we know. But he's not real. He's a stuffed animal. You know that. Right?

FIONA

But Mom, he is real! He kissed me!

FIONA'S MOTHER

[Somewhat patronizing]

When?

FIONA

The other day… right before I fell… I dreamt….

FIONA'S MOTHER

Exactly, Dear. You dreamt it. It was all in your dreams.

Now Anthony is a nice boy.

FIONA

I know, I told him that.

FIONA'S MOTHER

And he said you broke-up because of Roscoe…

FIONA

He said that! We didn't! He just assumed….

FIONA'S MOTHER

Honey, relax. Your heartbeat is racing… Look at the monitor.

FIONA

CHRIST! I don't care about the stupid monitor, Mom! Roscoe was mine! He was the only friend I had in this God-forsaken world… and you got rid of him! Without my permission! I WASN'T EVEN CONSCIOUS FOR CHRIST"S SAKE!

FIONA'S MOTHER

But, he wasn't real, Dear. He wasn't.

FIONA

He was real to me.

[ENTER DOCTOR. A charismatic older gentleman in HIS late sixties, HE approaches FIONA'S bed, clipboard in hand.]

DOCTOR

I see you're feeling better, Fiona… Judging by your heart monitor, that is.

FIONA

Ha… yeah. Sorry, Doc.

DOCTOR

Don't worry about it. We'd rather have you yelling than not… if you get what I mean.

FIONA

Yeah.

DOCTOR

Now, since you're awake, I need to ask you some memory questions to make sure you're not suffering from amnesia… as well as narcolepsy. Mom, if you'll please excuse us…

FIONA'S MOTHER

Of course… I'll be outside waiting in the lobby, Dear.

FIONA

Ok, Mom.

DOCTOR

I'll come get you when I'm done, Mrs. Hart.

FIONA'S MOTHER

Thank you, Doctor. For everything.

DOCTOR

No problem.

[EXIT FIONA'S MOTHER, disappointed and frightened. After a moment, FIONA speaks.]

FIONA

Narcolepsy?

DOCTOR

That was a joke. You're fine. These questions are routine, "just in cases."

FIONA

Love Actually.

DOCTOR

What?

FIONA

You said, "Just in cases." From Love Actually… The part where Colin Firth asks the Portuguese girl to marry him… I watch a lot of movies, sorry.

DOCTOR

[HE laughs.]

Sounds like you're memory is fine when it comes to movies. Now, let's check your life.

Full Name?

FIONA

Fiona Arielle Hart

DOCTOR

Date of Birth?

FIONA

February 20th, 1986.

DOCTOR

Astrological sign?

FIONA

Aquarius.

DOCTOR

Hmm… I'm a Taurus. Pets?

FIONA

One fish, Felipe.

DOCTOR

Occupation?

FIONA

Me? Or the fish?

DOCTOR

[A chuckle]

You.

FIONA

Student.

DOCTOR

Major?

FIONA

Acting

DOCTOR

Are you sure?

FIONA

[Pause]

Writing.

DOCTOR

Excellent!... Just one more… Boy friend?

FIONA

Uh… None… as of today,

[Enter ANTHONY shyly standing in the doorway to the room.]

ANTHONY

Fiona? Darling?

FIONA

Anthony! We were just… What are you doing here?

ANTHONY

Doctor, may I come in?

DOCTOR

[With a knowing smile] Ask the patient.

ANTHONY

Fiona… May I come in?

FIONA

Sure.

[Pause]

What are you doing here? `

ANTHONY

I wanted to see how you are feeling.

FIONA

Better, I guess. Better…

ANTHONY

I'm glad.

FIONA

[Beat]

I'm glad… you stopped by.

ANTHONY

Really? I wasn't sure if I should considering…

FIONA

Yeah, well… about that…

[Beat]

DOCTOR

[Taking over the moment, HE removes the IV and disconnects the heart monitor.]

Fiona, it looks like you won't be needing any of these any more.

You're going to be fine.

FIONA

That's it? No other questions?

DOCTOR

Not unless you have any for me.

FIONA

[Pause]

When can I go home?

DOCTOR

Right now if you like. Perhaps your… [With a wink toward Anthony] gentleman friend would like to take you.

ANTHONY

Sure! It's the least I can do…

DOCTOR

Is that alright with you, Fiona?

FIONA

Of course…

DOCTOR

I'll leave you two kids alone to discuss the [Clears throat] logistics.

[HE exits whistling with a slightly merry shuffle.]

FIONA

[SHE begins as SHE gets ready to leave.]

Anthony… I'm…

ANTHONY

[Interrupting, HE pats HER on HER head.]

Darling… Love, don't mention it.

[Pause]

Did you feed Felipe today?

FIONA

Now that you mention it, I forgot…

[Beat]

Wait, what? Did I tell you…?

ANTHONY

I heard…

FIONA

Oh.

[Sitting on the bed, SHE stares at him quizzically. Pause.]

You remind me of someone….

ANTHONY

Don't tell me… Roscoe.

FIONA

Roscoe… Christ! Anthony, I want you to know, I…

ANTHONY

[Stopping HER]

Fiona… Ditto.

FIONA

[Beat]

Anthony…

ANTHONY

Yes, Dear?

FIONA

Anthony, I swear I've seen you someplace else, some place other than school…

ANTHONY

Perhaps, in your dreams.

[SHE looks at him suspiciously. HE laughs, giving her another pat on the head.]

Let's go home, Love.

FIONA

Home… "Love." You know, I could get used to that.

[SHE stands-up.]

Yes, let's.

[SHE grabs his hands, pulling him toward her.]

Anthony, seriously, thanks for saving me… again.

ANTHONY

It's what I do.

FIONA

Apparently.

[Beat]

What was it you forgot to give me?

ANTHONY

When?

FIONA

[Sharing an intimate moment, SHE leans into him.]

When you saved me… Mom said you ran back because you forgot to give me something, what was it?

ANTHONY

Oh… just… this…

[HE leans into her, brushing her hair behind her ear, caressing her cheeks; THEY kiss.]

FIONA

Christ! Anthony! It is you!

[Pause]

I am completely, totally, and undeniably…

ANTHONY

Flabbergasted. I know. It's ok.

To be honest, I am, too.

FIONA

[SHE feels his face, arms, chest, etc…]

How…?

Never mind… I don't want to know.

[Kneeling up on the bed, SHE kisses HIM again. Pause]

This can't be real…

ANTHONY

You're not fainting. And there's no dream sequence music playing.

FIONA

[Still flummoxed.]

Wow. Just wow.

[Pause, SHE comes to HER senses. SHE grabs HIS hand.]

Mom is going to flip when she finds out...

[SHE winks at HIM. HE smiles back.]

… We're back together.

[SHE runs to the door, calls outside.]

MOOOM!

ANTHONY

[Joining FIONA at the door, HE puts HIS arm around HER, kissing her on the cheek.]

Mrs. Hart! You can come back in now! We're ready to go home.

[FADE OUT. FIN]