What's In A Name?!

CHARACTERS:

DINAH ~ Twenty-nine year old Boho Enchantress, searching for her long lost love… And, who is somewhat introverted, introspective, and a wee bit overly analytical of herself, at times…

KODEY ~ Twenty-nine year old Waiter Wonderboy at the Café Cymbeline… Charismatic, charming, and quite funny… Definitely extroverted!...

SETTING: The suburbs; a walking district… Present day!

At rise: The curtain opens, we see a Bohemian Enchantress sitting at a table for two at the quaint and warm Café Cymbeline by herself, alone, dateless…

DINAH

[Speaking to HERSELF!]

Where could he be?!

[SHE checks HER cellphone!]

No phone call!… No voicemail!… No text message!... And, it's now officially an hour before closing time, here!... Boy, time sure flies when your annoyed!...

[SHE puts HER cellphone back into HER eco-friendly, fair-trade bag! Sighing loudy…]

… I've been waiting here a half hour already!... And, the only person who's talked to me so far is the hostess who sat me and gave me my menu!... Geez!...

[SHE finds HER cellphone, again!]

Maybe, I'll just play a quick game of Diner Dash™ while I wait!...

[While playing Diner Dash™…]

…. I mean, I know I told the hostess I'm waiting for somebody to join me... Except, this is RIDDICULOUS!... I mean, really!... I guess an appetizer mighta been a good idea… An aperitif, I guess… Only… Well… I mean, it's NOT a "date," yet still… What's the proper etiquette for meeting up with an old friend after fifteen years, anyways?!...

[PAUSE!]

Meeeerrrrph…

[The waiter finally approaches DINAH! SHE looks up at HIM from HER cellhphone! HE smiles! SHE speaks, somewhat downheartedly…]

DINAH

… I was supposed to be meeting an old friend of mine here, tonight….

KODEY

…. Except, you got stood-up, instead?!

DINAH

Ya…

KODEY

Sucks…

DINAH

Ya…

KODEY

Well, I'm sorry for your troubles!

DINAH

[SHE puts HER cellphone away!]

Ya…Thanks!... Maybe he just got stuck in traffic or something!... Ya know?!...

KODEY

Maybe…

DINAH

EEEUUURGH!...

[SHE covers HER face with HER hands!]

KODEY

What?!

DINAH

[PAUSE!... Shyly…]

… What if he walked in, then felt disappointed when he saw me?!...

KODEY

IMPOSSIBLE!

DINAH

How do you know?!

KODEY

Because… You're a beautiful bohemian goddess!... At least in the dress your wearing!...

[HE winks at HER!... PAUSE!]

I mean… Speaking as a healthy male specimen, myself!... I can honestly say… You're gorgeous!... And, a "date" with you would be impossible to resist!...

DINAH

[Blushing…]

You're just looking to get a big tip tonight, huh?!...

KODEY

[Laughing…]

Hahaha!... Actually, I haven't even taken your order yet!... So, what kinda waiter am I, really, then?!... Huh?!...

DINAH

Well, you're VERY nice!… For one thing!...

[BEAT!]

Anyways… It's not a "date!"….

KODEY

Oh, I'm sorry… I just meant…

DINAH

I know… I mean… It's just… What do you call it when you're meeting up with an old friend after fifteen years?!

KODEY

Well, you said this friend of yours is a male, right?!

DINAH

Definitely!

KODEY

And, you're a female, right?!

DINAH

I sure hope so!

KODEY

Well, then… It's a date!... At least to him, anyways!...

DINAH

Oh!...

[PAUSE!]

OH!... CRAP!... PREEEESSSSUUUUUREEEE!... AHHHHH!...

[SHE starts speak incredibly fast!]

Maybe he saw me sitting here playing Diner Dash™ on my cellphone and thought I could have a boy friend or something… And he thought I was texting him!... And… CRAAAAAP!...

[SHE starts hyperventilating!]

KODEY

[Fanning HER with a napkin!]

Calm down!... Breathe!... It's OK!...

[BEAT!]

… Maybe he's just working late, tonight?!

DINAH

Uhhh… Well then, shouldn't I be notified?!... A phone call!... A text message!... SOMETHING?!

KODEY

OK, well… Maybe there was just a schedule conflict, which he forgot about… And, woulda mentioned it sooner, only he was afraid you'd think he was lying and wasn't interested in seeing you… As opposed to just being a dimwit who got soooo excited about seeing you again, he forgot his work schedule… And, wasn't trying to bale on you, but rather was just gonna try to reschedule… Only… you might take it the wrong way….

DINAH

[PAUSE!]

… Hmmm… I guess…. I dunno…. I just hope he wasn't disappointed… Some how…. By me… Or, something… Ya know?!...

KODEY

I know… I wouldn't worry too much, if I were you… I'm sure something is keeping him busy… Traffic can really be a major bitch, sometimes!... Always at THE MOST inopportune moment in life!...

[BEAT!]

Hey listen, I'll be done working here in an hour, why don't you order something, and you can tell me all about your prospective suitor, in the meantime?!... I mean… It's not like there's very many other customers here on a Thursday night….

DINAH

I dunno… It's kinda awkward, dontcha think?!... Me… Sitting here ALONE!…. EATING DINNER!… ALONE!…. In a public place!... ALONE!... UUUUGH!...

[SHE begins to sob uncontrollably!]

KODEY

[HE pats HER lightly on the back, as if to say… "THERE, THERE… IT'S OK! I FEEL YA!"… BEAT!]

Hey, listen!... Have you ever been here before?!... To the Café Cymbeline, I mean?!...

DINAH

A long time ago, when I was little!... Actually, the old friend I'm supposed to be meeting here picked this spot on purpose!... Because he said it would be a nice reminder of the good ole days we spent together!... Ya know?!...

[PAUSE!]

And, it's pretty much the same as we left it!... I mean, ya know?!... The twinkle lights are still up!... And, the giant Mermaid mural on the wall!... And, all the Shakespeare quotes, everywhere!... And, his bust over by the counter!... And, the sea shell candle holders on all the tables!... And, the eclectic combinations of thrift store tables and chairs!... And, it all just feels like home!... Ya know?!...

[PAUSE!]

Actually, I'm really glad he picked this place!... Now, that I look at it!... It's pretty much the perfect spot for us to meet-up again!... Ya know?!...

KODEY

Hmmm… Sounds like he's trying to rekindle the old flame!... That magic which existed between the two of you way back in those good ole days of yore!... Hmmm…

[Almost an aside, to HIMSELF!]

Or maybe, he just works here, now!... Hahaha!...

[BEAT!]

Hey, listen!... What did you say your name was, again?!

DINAH

Dinah…. Dinah Obrey Fitzgallagher!... Actually!...

KODEY

[HE tries to repeat HER!]

Dinah Aubrey Fitzgallagher!... CUTE!...

DINAH

Actually, it's "Obrey"… O-B-R-E-Y…. NOT "AUBREY"…. "A-U-B-R-E-Y"… My parents are big into Shakespeare. It's supposed to be a female version of "Oberon," the king of the fairies from "A Midsummer's Night's Dream"…

KODEY

Awesome! I love Shakespeare! How can you not?!...

DINAH

I dunno!... Good question!... He's SOOO universal!... Even through all the Ole English!...

KODEY

[HE quotes The Bard!: "Romeo *&* Juliet"]

"What's in a name?!... That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet…"… EXEPT NOT!... A Rose is a Rose is a Rose is a Rose!... And only JUST A ROSE!... NOT a Daisy, NOT a Lily, NOT even a Sunflower!... A Rose is a Rose is a Rose is a Rose!... And only JUST A ROSE!... Quote by Shakespeare, "Romeo *&* Juliet"… Truth spoken by ME!... Tonight at the Café Cymbeline!...

DINAH

[SHE claps!]

Bravo!... Bravo!... Bravo!...

[PAUSE!]

F.Y.I., "Cymbeline" is also the name of one of Shakespeare's lesser performed, yet still well received comedies!

KODEY

Oh, I KNOW!... Another romance!... As well!

[HE quotes The Bard, again!: "Cymbeline"]

"Hark, hark!... The lark at heaven's gate sings… And Phoebus 'gins arise… His steeds to water at those springs… On chaliced flowers that lies; And winking Mary-buds begin… To ope their golden eyes: With everything that pretty is… My lady sweet, arise…."

[PAUSE!... HE whispers the second quote in HER ear!]

"…. How hard it is to hide the sparks of nature!"

DINAH

[SHE stares into HIS eyes lovingly, longingly… For just a moment!... TOTALLY AWESTRUCK!... PAUSE!]

Wooooaaaa….

KODEY

Ya… It's one of my faves, which is why I took the job, here!...

DINAH

Were you a theatre major by any chance?!

KODEY

Well, actually I wanted to go to a conservatory for theatre, only my family wanted me to get a liberal arts education… So, I ended-up a theatre major with a Spanish minor… Just because there were enough credits…

[PAUSE!]

Why do you ask?!

DINAH

…. Oh!... Well, because from one theatre major to another, only a fellow theatre major would be so well reversed in Shakespeare as to quote The Bard three times, and twice from "Cymbeline"!

KODEY

[HE smiles!]

WE SMELL OUR OWN!... HAHAHA!... Sorta speak!…

DINAH

Indeed!...

[PAUSE!]

I was a theatre and psych double major!... So, you can just imagine the level of CRAZY, I felt at times, in college!...

[PAUSE!]

I sometimes still think I'm bi-polar, dyslexic, A.D.D. and A.D.H.D. riddled, obsessive compulsive… MADCOW DISEASE!... ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING mentioned and/or found in the Godforsaken textbook!

KODEY

… Plus, all the PEER PRESSURE, and TEACHER PRESSURE, and PARENTAL PRESSURE, and junk!... It really sucks!...

DINAH

EXACTLY!... I hate… HATED college!... Hahaha!...

[THEY laugh!... BEAT!]

… What were talking about before?!...

KODEY

Our names, and the meanings behind them… You said your middle name is derived from Shakespeare's character "Oberon," from "A Midsummer's Night's Dream"… And, I went ahead and quoted The Bard back to you!

[HE winks at HER!]

… And, then we got caught up talking about our majors, minors, theatre, college life in general… Etc.!...

DINAH

Oh, right!... So, ya… So… Anyways, most people misspell my middle name, and it bugs me A LOT!... Ya know?!

KODEY

Ya…. Well, if it makes you feel any better… Most people misspell my first name….

DINAH

Which is?!

KODEY

Kodey. K-O-D-E-Y, NOT… C-O-D-Y!… NOR, K-O-D-Y!…. JUST, K-O-D-E-Y!... HAHAHA!... My parents are hippies, to say the least!...

DINAH

Ya… I know the feeling….

KODEY

Indeed…

[BEAT!]

So, let me ask you… Dinah…

DINAH

Ya?!

KODEY

Whatcha eatin' tonight?!

DINAH

[SHE giggles!]

HAHAHA!... Oh, right!... I forgot to even look at the menu!... Uhhh…

[PAUSE!]

What's your recommendation?!

KODEY

Well, do you like sea food?!

DINAH

LOVE seafood!...

KODEY

[HE'S tickled!]

Hahaha!... We have shrimp scampi which is AWESOME!... And, a flounder sandwhich I eat like every other day for lunch!... And… Then, there's always the Nachos Bell Grande!... Ha!... I mean, our own "Macho Nachos!"…. Which could use a heaping helping of seafood in them, if you ask me!... And, ya…

DINAH

Hmmm…. Would it be possible for me to just get some chicken tenders and fries?!...

KODEY

[HE giggles to HIMSELF!]

Sure thing!...

DINAH

… With barbeque sauce?!...

KODEY

Anything else?!...

DINAH

A side of pot-roast and a leg of lamb….

KODEY

Uhhh…. I'll hafta see about the la….

DINAH

JUST KIDDING!...

KODEY

Hahaha! Phew!...

[PAUSE!]

Wutcha drinkin', then, Dinah?!

DINAH

Hmmm… Oh, what the hell!... There's a bar here, right?!... How about a Strawberry Daiquiri?!... Just for kicks!...

KODEY

Well, then… I'll need to see some I.D.!

DINAH

Seriously?!...

[SHE reaches for HER purse!]

KODEY

[HE stops HER!]

What year were you born?!

DINAH

1983…

KODEY

Date?!

DINAH

October 12…

KODEY

Libra… Hmmm….

DINAH

What?!

KODEY

Nothing… We're BOTH Libras… That's all….

DINAH

Oh!

KODEY

Funny… We share the same exact birthdate… Also…

DINAH

Funny…

KODEY

[BEAT!]

Anyways, I'll be right back with your drink, Miss Dinah!...

DINAH

Okey Dokey, Kodey!... Hehe!...

[SHE waits patiently, though slightly perplexed by the seemingly strange coincidence brought forth; still hoping HER mystery boy appears…PAUSE!]

Meeeerrrrph….

KODEY

[KODEY returns with HER Strawberry Daiquiri!]

… Your "alcoholic" beverage, Miss Dinah!... You better not be lying about your birthday, or else I'll get in BIG trouble!... HAHAHA!...

DINAH

Why thank you, Mr. Kodey!... Want to see my driver's license, for reals?!

KODEY

Nah, it's cool….

[BEAT!]

Soooo… Tell me about this HANDSOME GENTLEMAN CALLER, of yours, who clearly doesn't have the sense to SHOW UP, and SPEAK FOR HIMSELF!...

DINAH

Well, let's see… What is there to tell?!... We met on the Inter….

KODEY

[Interrupting HER!]

NOT "THE INTERNET!"… PLEASE DON'T SAY "THE INTERNET!:... ACK!... What is our world coming to?!...

[HE rambles on a tangent, continuously!]

I mean!... C'mon!... People never meet in person any more, these days?!... Why is it necessary to know what type of music and movies and video games a person only just SAYS they like on these stupid "Social Media" sites… BAH HUMBUG!... As far as I am concerned, "Social Media" is THE MOST ANTI-SOCIAL INVENTION, EVER!... Seriously!...

DINAH

[SHE interrupts HIM!]

…. Well, OK, FINE!... Let's put it another way, since the truth is we met waaay before there even was an… errr… THE WEB!... HAHAHA!... ANYWAYS!...

KODEY

Better!... HAHAHA!...

[HE speaks in funny foreign sounding voices from time to time!]

Plis esplain!...

DINAH

Well… Let's see… He's my CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART!... ALL AROUND!... IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORDS!... Only we kinda lost touch, for whatever reason…. And, now we've sorta "reconnected" via the interwebs… I won't mention which site specifically… You get the idea…

KODEY

Ahhh… I see… "Childhood sweethearts," huh?!...

DINAH

Ya!... I mean, we went EVERYWHERE together!... We were INSEPERABLE, GLUED AT THE HIP!... And, then one day his parents decided we needed to "make new friends!"… WHICH IS FUCKING RIDDICULOUS!... Oh!... Pardon my French!...

KODEY

[HE gestures as if to say, "NO WORRIES!... EXCEPT SHHH!"... HE speaks in a softer voice, anyways!]

Wee Wee, Mademoiselle!... Entre Vous!...

DINAH

"Enter"?!...

KODEY

Sounds good!... I guess!... Ha!...

DINAH

I guess… So, well… Ya… We "reconnected" via the interwebs… And, are supposed to meet up here for our first… Uhhh… "Date"… For lack of a better word!…. Our first… Uhhh… "Date" in nearly 15 years!... Ya know?!...

KODEY

I see… Except, he's a "No show"… ?!...

DINAH

[SHE shrugs!]

KODEY

Hmmm… Well, let me pick-up your chicken tenders and fries,… AND barbeque sauce!... I remember!... and I'll be right back!...

DINAH

OBKB's!...

[SHE sits sipping HER Strawberry Daiquiri, which is actually VIRGIN, contrary to HER taste buds!]

KODEY

OK!...

[HE returns with HER order!]

… I'm back!... With FOOD!... SMELLS DELICIOUS!... MMMM….

[HE places HER plate on the table, along with two "cups" of barbeque sauce!]

And!... EXTRA barbeque sauce!... Just for you!... The lovely Miss Dinah!...

DINAH

Why thank you, Mr. Kodey!... How very thoughtful, indeed!...

[PAUSE!]

Hahaha!... YAY!... I'm SOOO hungry!...

KODEY

By now!... I can imagine!... You're probably famished!... Ha!...

[PAUSE!]

So, as you were saying… You and this fella of yours…. "Inseparable!"… I believe!... Right!... ?!...

DINAH

[SHE speaks in between bites!]

Ya… Pretty much!... Except our STUPID parents got in the way!...

KODEY

ARG!... PARENTS!... WHAT PAINS IN THE ASSES!... I mean, Seriously!... It's like WE'RE THE ONES RAISING THEM!... Geez!...

DINAH

I KNOW RIGHT!... Eeesh, we're being loud!... Again!... Well, I'm being loud, again!...

KODEY

HAHAHA!... NO WORRIES!... Hakuna Matata!...

DINAH

Hakuna Matata, indeed!... So, ya… So… I dunno… It's like one day, he just up and disappeared on me!…. And, I'm not exactly sure why!... And, I've been pretty much heartbroken, ever since!... Ya know?!...

KODEY

Hmmm…. And, you're sure this fella your meeting here tonight is the REAL MACOY?!

DINAH

The… What?!

KODEY

THE REAL DEAL?!

DINAH

OH!... As far as I know!... I mean, we've been talking online and the phone for a few months now… It sounds like it's him… For the most part… I mean…. I guess… You see, we sorta missed spending puberty, together… So… ya…

KODEY

HAHAHA!... You mean, you're not sure what his voice would sound like after it "changed," as they say… Whomever "THEY" are!...

DINAH

Pretty much…

[BEAT!]

This chicken is DELISH!... B.T.W.!... Mmmm….

KODEY

[HE beams!]

House recipe!

[PAUSE!]

You just said "B.T.W."… As in… You SPOKE the abbreviation for "By The Way"… You realize that, right?!

DINAH

YES!

KODEY

OK, just checking!...

DINAH

Anyways…

KODEY

Anyways… Fifteen years is a A LONG time to wait just to get stood up!...

DINAH

Ya…. Well… At least the company's good!... And the food's good!...

KODEY

GOOD!... I'M GLAD!... Now, about the check!...

DINAH

HAHAHA!...

KODEY

[Laughing…]

… So, Will you be getting any dessert, tonight, Miss Dinah?!...

DINAH

Hmmm… What do you recommend?!

KODEY

EVERYTHING!...

DINAH

Well, then… Hmmm…

[SHE looks at the menu!]

KODEY

[BEAT!... HE checks HIS pocket watch…]

Hey, look at the time!... All this talking, I hardly noticed it's almost time for me to clock out!... Heh!... I mean… Listen…. I know your waiting for Mr. Right to come along, tonight!... Except… It's almost closing time, and you JUST got your dinner!... And, we've been enjoying a loverly conversation during this whole wait for him!... What's say you and I join forces for the night, officially!... And, blow this popsicle stand!… And, this jackass!, whomever… wherever…. Well…. You know… How's about we get some air, and maybe some dessert, and a stroll together; at least to our cars!... And, HEY!... If the asshole actually shows up, he'll see you're not "Desperately Seeking, Susan!"... Or, something!... Ha!...

DINAH

Hmmm….

KODEY

Well….

DINAH

I'm thinking….

KODEY

Don't think too hard, you might blow a brain cell!… Or, two!... Ha!...

DINAH

Meeeerrrrrph….

KODEY

OK….

DINAH

OK!... Why not, right?!... I mean… Hell, there's always later… I suppose….

KODEY

Right!... See him later!... Exactly!... So, is it a date?!

DINAH

A "DATE"?!...

[SHE practically starts hyperventilating, again!]

KODEY

[HE quickly corrects HIMSELF!]

I mean… Ya know… For lack of a better word!

DINAH

[SHE relaxes!]

Oh, right!... OK!... It's a "date!"….

KODEY

AWESOME!... You're my last customer for the night!... Obviously!... You're the last person still in here!... Ha!... Anyways, once you pay the check!... I'll clock out, and meet you out front by the register!... OK?!

DINAH

OK!... Here's twenty bux in cash!... Keep the change, Mr. Kodey!

KODEY

Why, sure thing, Miss Dinah!... Wowza!... A whole ten dollars in tip!... SHEESH!...

DINAH

Uhhh….

KODEY

Here, I'll tell ya what… Since we're gonna paint the town RED tonight, how's about you keep the change, this time!...

DINAH

OK!...

KODEY

You'll just owe me a cup of coffee, later!...

DINAH

Hahaha!... OK!... Sounds good!...

KODEY

Good!... Now, I'll "B.R.B.," as you kids say, with your change!... Don't move a muscle!...

DINAH

OK!...

KODEY

[HE exits! SHE literally twiddles HER thumbs for a few moments, in anticipation!... QUICKLY, HE returns with HER change!... HE hands HER back the ten dollar bill!]

Here, you are!...

[HE unties HIS apron and stuffs it in HIS jean jacket pocket!]

I took the liberty to clock out now, so you wouldn't think I was standing you up, AGAIN!... HAHAHA!...

DINAH

HAHAHA!... OK!...

KODEY

And… Just so I know you'd still be here when I got back!... I mean…. It'd be pretty low of you to leave me hanging, too!... And, after we've shared such a loverly time together, so far!... I mean…. Seriously!...

[HE winks at HER!]

DINAH

SERIOUSLY!... Indeed!... You've been VERY kind!...

KODEY

Well, ya know… It's all a part of the job, really!... HA!...

DINAH

Well, then… You are AN EXCEPTIONAL WAITOR!... I must say!... VERY attentive, and VERY deserving of SUCH A HUGE TIP!... HAHAHA!...

KODEY

Why, thank you kindly yourself, Miss Dinah, Ma'am!... You are indeed a gem to be around!... And, may I tell you!… In all honesty, here!…. Miss Dinah!... Since we're no longer sharing the Customer / Waitor relationship!… As one human being to another!… Your fella don't know what he's missing!... And, that's for certain!...

DINAH

Well… I'm indeed flabbergasted, Mr. Kodey!... Equals!... For sure!... EQUALS!...

KODEY

Aww, now your just being generous!... HA!...

DINAH

[SHE laughs…]

HAHAHA!...

KODEY

[BEAT!]

Shall we get going, then?!...

DINAH

To where?!

KODEY

To our cars?!... To some ice cream!... To the MOON!... Ya know?!... Follow your heart, and all that jazz!...

[HE winks at HER, again! THEY exit the Café Cymbeline; as the make their way across the stage, THEY are still talking and the set changes behind THEM!]

DINAH

Well… Uhhh… Do you know a good place for ice cream at 10pm?!...

KODEY

Actually, I know an AWESOME place for some ice cream at 10pm!...

DINAH

OK!... Is it far?!

KODEY

From here?!... Walking distance….

DINAH

Good!

KODEY

Ice cream, then?!

DINAH

Ice cream, indeed!...

KODEY

Goody!... I love ice cream!... Especially the homemade kind!

[PAUSE!]

What's your favorite flavor?!

DINAH

Classic or like… Ben*&*Jerry's?!...

KODEY

Either, Or… In general, really….

DINAH

Vanilla!... Particularly, Soft Serve!... French is OK, except Soft Serve is mosdef THE BEST!...

KODEY

That's it?!

DINAH

Yes!

KODEY

JUST PLAIN OLE FASHIONED VANILLA?!

DINAH

YUP!...

KODEY

Mine, too!...

DINAH

You're just fucking with me, now?!

KODEY

NO!... I'm serious!... Vanilla is my favorite flavor of ice cream!... Probably because it's delicious, simple, and yet… You can mix so many tasty treats into it, and it still keeps it's original vanilla taste!... It's genius, really!... I mean… It's not too sweet like chocolate, and not too chunky like most strawberry flavors!... It's sweet, and simple, and delicious!... And… I believe I already used those words!... HA!...

DINAH

Sweet!...

KODEY

What?!

DINAH

[PAUSE!]

…"Sweet" you only said once!...

KODEY

OH!... HAHAHA!... OK!...

DINAH

OK!...

[THEY continue walking…]

KODEY

So, about this dream boy…

DINAH

What about him?!...

KODEY

What did you say his name was?!...

DINAH

Uhhhh….

[PAUSE!... SHE finds a large rock and sits on it!]

KODEY

Hmmm….

[HE sits beside HER!]

DINAH

[PAUSE!... Finding HER courage, SHE gets up!]

…. Well, actually his name's Kodey!… Same as yours!…. Same spelling, even!... I mean… Uhhh…. I was gonna mention it before, only I thought it rather nuts!… The coincidence!… I mean…. Ya know…. I dunno….

[SHE sits down, again!]

KODEY

[HE laughs for HIMSELF!]

HAHAHA!... WOW!... NUTS, INDEED!... HAHAHA!...

[PAUSE!]

Do you remember his middle name by any chance?!...

DINAH

[Once again, finding HER courage, SHE gets up!... Sorta pacing…]

Well… It's kinda funny…. Sorta… I mean… Well… My middle name is Obrey…. Right?!... Sorta like "Aubrey," except not!...

KODEY

Right!...

DINAH

Well… So, our parents were REAL TIGHT growing-up, at least at first anyways, and well… We were like two people "betrothed" to each other, EXCEPT NOT!... And…. Stuff… SO….

KODEY

SOOOO… I'm on pins and needles here, DINAH!... SHEEESH!...

DINAH

So, well… His parents named him Kodey Oberon Walker Fitzgallagher!... And, I'm Dinah Obrey Fitzgallagher Walker!... And, ya… He's "Oberon" and I'm "Obrey" and our names match, masculine and feminine wise!... And, we both share!… And, SWITCH our last names!...

KODEY

Like way back in the yee ole good ole days….

DINAH

[SHE nods in concordance!]

KODEY

[HE speaks tangentially, once again!...]

During Shakespeare's time, etc.!... So, in this modern day and age, for a woman to take a man's name, and have him not take hers… IS misogynistic, really… Then, they're not equals… It's actually a double standard for MEN when you really look at it… I mean… THEY'RE the ones who aren't allowed to show they're married into the woman's family… Which is kinda UNFAIR, really… FOR MEN!... Ya know?!... I mean… John Lennon Ono and Yoko Ono Lennon knew what's good!... Ya know?!...

DINAH

[ENTRANCED!]

… RIGHT!... Somebody understands, FINALLY!... YAY!...

[THEY laugh!... BEAT!... HE continues!... Laughing anxiously, and sorta obnoxiously, really!...]

KODEY

HAHAHA!... See, it really is a funny story!... HAHAHA!... Because "Oberon"… HAHAHA!... Is actually my middle name, too!... HAHAHAHA!...

DINAH

[PAUSE!... Slowly…and, now quite skeptical…]

… What?!...

KODEY

"Oberon" is my middle name, too!... Oh, Shakespeare with his love of Germanic "Elf Power!"…. Hehe!...

DINAH

[PAUSE!... Almost to HERSELF…]

"Oberon" means "Elf Power!"…. Only, *MY* Kodey would know…

[SHE GASPS!]

… SO YOUR NOT JUST FUCKING WITH ME, THEN?!...

KODEY

WHAT?!

DINAH

IT'S YOU!... YOU'RE *MY* KODEY!... YOU'RE *MY* KODEY OBERON WALKER FITZGALLAGHER, AREN'T YOU?!... YOU DIDN'T BALE ON ME, AFTER ALL!... O.M.F.G.!...

[SHE HUGS HIM, BIG TIME!]

KODEY

"O.M.F.G.!"…. ?!...

DINAH

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!"…. Heh!... Pardon my French, again!...

KODEY

Ques que ces… No problemo!... Ha!...

DINAH

[SHE let's go!]

I thought I'd lost you!...

KODEY

Ya… We moved away… Sorta… I mean…. Ya…..

DINAH

You let me talk and talk and talk and talk about you, tonight… Even calling yourself a "jackass!" for quote-unquote "Standing me up!"…. And… Yet…. HERE YOU ARE!... HAHAHA!... KODEY, YOU ARE A JACKASS!... HAHAHA!... JUST KIDDING!...

KODEY

I'm a jackass for not contacting you, sooner!...

DINAH

Hmmm…. Well, I'm not much better, either!...

KODEY

Ya…. Except MY family moved away!….

[PAUSE!]

And, then… We just sorta lost touch, I guess…

DINAH

Yaaa…. Good thing for the interwebs, huh?!... Hahaha!...

[PAUSE!]

Wait!... Tonight, you said you hated "social media!"… Then, why are you a member of such a website, then?!...

KODEY

Valid question!...

[PAUSE!]

Well, to quote George Washington!... "I CANNOT TELL A LIE!"… Or was it Abraham Lincoln?!... Either way!... (I'm stalling here, can ya tell?!)….

[SHE nods in agreement, sarcastically!... YES, SARCASTICALLY!... PAUSE!]

Well, I hate "social media" in the sense of when it's used for evil obsessive, immature, inane, vulgar, *&* essentially… STUPID reasons!...

[PAUSE!]

Only, when it comes to finding my true love in the digital media age!... Well, what other options were, there?!... Like Donkey Xote!... I mean… Don Quixote!... I know he's not a Shakespearean character, but just work with me, here!...

[PAUSE!]

There was a noble cause at stake!... Finding my "Dulcinea!"… I mean… Finding my true love!... Finding YOU!... Essentially!...

[PAUSE!]

Besides, "social media" is like anything else: Good when it's used for Good, and/or Evil when it's used for Evil!... Ya know?!... It's a double-edged sword, really!...

[PAUSE!]

Anyways, it actually BROUGHT us back together, again, right?!...

[BEAT!]

Well, to be honest… I was mostly trying to judge your reaction… ReactionS!... With my little tangential rants back at the café!... I'm sorry if you got the wrong opinions about me!... I mean, IT'S BEEN YEARS since we've REALLY seen each other, in person!... Ya know?!... I was just trying to see how much you've changed!... NOT AT ALL!... And, how well you've matured!... VERY WELL!... And, if you still catch my drift and get my jokes!... DRIFT CAUGHT!... JOKES GOTTEN!...

[PAUSE!]

I guess it's kinda unfair I knew what you looked like based on your profile pictures!... And, you only had a "Simpsonized" cartoon version of me to work with!... Ha!... See, I share very little about myself online!... And, very rarely do I let other people take my picture!... So… Yaaa… So, I knew you were you, I just forgot to mention I actually WORK at the Café Cymbeline, now!... I love this place, too!... And, I hoped it would bring me closer to you!... Closer to our home!... AND, OH MY GOD!... IT DID!...

[PAUSE!]

And, I really forgot my new work schedule when we planned our date!... Only, I didn't want you to think I stood you up, for reals!... So, I kinda "killed two birds with one stone" sorta thing!... I got to see who you've become, and I got to earn my keep at the same time!... Mmmm…. HAHAHA!...

[PAUSE!]

And… Ya… I hope you understand!...

DINAH

Understood!... I'm kinda feeling the same way right now!... Actually!…

[PAUSE!]

And, it's really been pretty frustrating, yes!... AND, ALSO!... Pretty exhilarating!... I mean… I coulda fallen for my mystery "K-O-D-E-Y"-type waiter, tonight!... Without even thinking it was actually *MY* KODEY!... HA!...

[PAUSE!]

And, then I guess your plan woulda backfired!... HAHAHA!...

[PAUSE!... Almost an aside, to HERSELF!...]

Or… Maybe, you woulda still been ahead of the game!... Because then you would know I'm falling for the REAL YOU!... THE RIGHT NOW YOU!... And, not just the FANTASY of you, I've created in my imagination!... Just sayin'….

[PAUSE!]

OK…. SO…. Meeeerrrrph…

KODEY

"Meeeerrrrph"…?!...

DINAH

Meeerrrrph… It's like… I don't know what to say next…. So, I just say…. Meeeerrrrph….

KODEY

Meeeerrrrph…. Indeed!... How's about we sleep on it?!...

DINAH

WHAT?!

KODEY

I mean… How's about we call it a night?!... And, I walk you home….

[HE gets up, gives HER HIS hand!... SHE accepts, and gets up!...]

DINAH

What about our ice cream?!

KODEY

Next time?!

DINAH

Oh, so your saying there will be a next time, then?!

KODEY

Do you think I've waited fifteen years to see you again, only to for us to be together for one night?!

DINAH

Well…

KODEY

[PAUSE!]

I mean… Do you want to see me again?!

DINAH

… KODEY!...

[SHE kisses HIM!... HE kisses HER back!... A good minute or so, passes by!... THEY stop kissing!... SHE plays with HIS hair!... BEAT!... Softly... Gently… Sensitively…Directly…]

Your hair is sooo short, now!...

KODEY

I know…

DINAH

I like it, a lot!... I mean… I can't remember the last time you buzzed your hair like this, except!… I can see your face, now!... And, it's gorgeous!... Exactly how I imagined you'd look at this point!...

KODEY

[HE kisses HER!... SHE kisses HIM back!]

Thanks!...

[HE plays with HER hair!]

Your hair is sooo short, too!...

DINAH

[Sorta defensive…]

Ya, crazy!... I know!... Ha!... Who'da thunkett?!...

[SHE starts to speak VERY fast, again!]

One day, I was just like… OhMyGod!... I can't take this HEAVY hair any more!... AND, I just chopped off like 10 inches of it!... By MYSELF!... And, then later… Another 4 inches!... By MYSELF!... Then, another 2 inches!... By MYSELF!... Until, eventually!... Here I am!... Very nearly working the "Ellen Degeneres!"… HA! HA! HA!... It's pretty awful, I guess…

KODEY

[HE stops HER by lightly squeezing HER nose!]

DOINK!... HEHE!... Stop speaking, Dinah!...

[PAUSE!]

I like it!... It's VERY sexy!... It's like your totally naked!...

[SHE stares into HIS eyes, then kisses HIM, again!... HE kisses HER back!... THEIR glasses clank!]

DINAH

I see you're wearing glasses now, too!... They seem new!... Are they?!...

KODEY

Well, I always needed glasses, same as you!... Except, well… I only recently acquired my first pair!... I guess the 'rents didn't want us to be too "matchy-matchy" growing-up, or something!...

DINAH

…. Meeeerrrrph!...

KODEY

Ya, I know!... Stoopid parents, always getting in the way of our lives!... Of our good times, together!...OF US!...

[HE begins to seethe, a wee bit!]

DINAH

[SHE calms HIM by playing with HIS hair, again, with HER left hand!... While SHE grabs HIS right hand with HERS!]

I know!... No worries!... Hakuna Matata!... We're together, again, now!...

[BEAT!]

You ever notice how men almost always still look like themselves through the years, and women almost never look the same?!

KODEY

Ya, except with us, it's mostly the other way around!...

DINAH

Mostly!...

[HE kisses HER!... SHE kisses HIM back!... BEAT!]

Your kisses are EXACTLY THE SAME!...

[PAUSE!]

You're the only one I know who kisses THAT GOOD!...

KODEY

What can I say?!... It's a good thing we practiced sooo much together, when we were little!... Hahaha!...

DINAH

[BEAT!... Jokingly… For the most part!...]

So, there hasn't been anybody else, then?!

KODEY

NO!... NEVER!... NEVER!... WHY?!...

[PAUSE!... Smaller…]

Was there ever anybody else for you?!...

DINAH

NO!... NEVER!... NEVER!...

[SHE winks at HIM!]

[THEY LAUGH!... And, say TOGETHER!...]

KODEY *&* DINAH

Good!...

DINAH

[BEAT!]

You know, I didn't believe it was really, truly you until you kissed me, and… ALL THE FIREWORKS!... And… ALL THE BELLS RINGING!... AND… ALL THE PURE AWESOIMENESS!...

[SHE sighs loudly!... PAUSE!]

It's just soooo good to have you back!... I mean, I thought I lost you for good!... Or, worse!... It was almost like you never existed in the first place!... Like, you were just some figment of my imagination!... Some sorta manifestation of "wishful thinking!"… Ya know?!... I mean, really… I watch all these romantic comedies all the time, ya know?!... And, I've just been thinking for the longest time, "What would *MY* Kodey look like today?!"… I mean, really!... You coulda been anybody!... Ya know?!... We skipped spending puberty, together, so…. At this point in life…. You could look like Colin Firth!... Or Zac Efron!… Jason Segal!... Or even, Michael Cera!… Who knows?!... You could sound like Mic Jagger, Steven Tyler, Bob Costas... or even James Earl Jones!... Who knows?!... You could be PunkRock, Hippie, Geeky, Pretentious Intellectual, Mathematician Scientist, Lazy, Workaholic, Cowboy, Politician, or Environmentalist…. OR ALL OF THE ABOVE!... WHO KNOWS?!... Ya know?!...

[PAUSE!... SHE starts to cry uncontrollably...]

Thus, meeting you at the Café Cymbeline, today, this way!... Seemingly meeting somebody "else" with the same first name, SAME SPELLING!…. Seemed like just some freaky coincidence!…. Maybe a manifestation of my own desires to see you, again!… I mean, I'm a psych and theatre major, after all!… So, maybe you… As my waiter, tonight!... Maybe you… This… Us… Here and now!... May it's all just a product of my over-active and over-zealous imagination!….

[PAUSE!]

Or, just a sign I needed to find you!…. Desperately!... Hahaha!...

[SHE laughs nervously through HER tears!... PAUSE!]

I mean… I've just missed you soooo much!... I didn't think I'd ever see you again!... And, now!... Here you are!... Right in front of me!... Kissing me again, the same as the good ole days!... THE SAME AS ALWAYS!... And, I'm just soooo… Soooo… GRATEFUL!... And… RELEIVED!... AND, OVERJOYED!... And…. Yaaaa…. JUST FUCKIN' FLABBERGASTED!... Really!... Ya know?!...

KODEY

[HE takes HER into HIS arms!]

I know!... Trust me!... I KNOW!... It's OK!... Don't cry, Diner Girl!... Don't cry!...

[HE wipes the tears from HER eyes with HIS hands!]

I'm here, now!... And, I've missed you, too!... Don't worry!... Even apart, we've been together at heart!... And, tonight we get our second start!... At creating all this art, we call love!...

[PAUSE!]

Mmmm… Not too shabby, for the outta practice Shakespeare!...

[HE winks at HER!]

DINAH

[Through HER fading tears, SHE claps, again!]

Bravo!... Bravo!... Bravo!...

[PAUSE!]

KODEY *&* DINAH

[THEY kiss!... TOGETHER, THEY say…]

Indeed!...

DINAH

[BEAT!]

Kodey…

KODEY

Yes, Dinah…

DINAH

I still want some vanilla soft serve ice cream!...

KODEY

Same here!... In a waffle cone!...

DINAH

With a cherry on top!...

KODEY

Right!...

DINAH

Kodey…

KODEY

Yes, Dinah…

DINAH

Who needs next time when we've got right here, right now?!...

KODEY

Touché!... What time is it?!...

DINAH

[SHE checks HER cellphone SHE forgot about!]

Kodey…

KODEY

Yes, Dinah…

DINAH

… It's 9:46p.m.!... It's still not 10:00p.m., yet!...

[SHE puts HER cellphone away!]

KODEY

So, there's still plenty of time for us!… For ice cream!…. For now!...

KODEY *&* DINAH

[THEY say together!]

FOREVER!...

KODEY *&* DINAH

[THEY say together!]

Indeed!...

[THEY KISS, PASSIONATELY, INTIMATELY, AS IF THERE'S NOBODY IN THE AUDIENCE WATCHING THEM!... BLACK OUT!... *FIN!*]