Honeydew, I'm lookin' for someone just like you


"I feel like I'm wasting my life, waiting for something to happen," Honey admits.

Edelweiss squints at her laptop screen, and tries to give advice like most people her age does; clumsily and without knowing the true meaning. "You should maybe invest in some shares, that's like doing something while you're just waiting around for something to happen."

Edelweiss says this because she knows Honey's financially able to.

She thinks about the pack they made at eighteen. About how they could just live together like a couple, like two women in love despite not being in love with each other. Honey's mum made sure that the will's all settled, and Honey's mum the kind of woman who's ten steps ahead. Honey's got this house, three storeys tall, five whole bedrooms

Speaking of Honey's mum.

"Your mum should have advice on that, she's an accountant," Edelweiss says, as if Honey doesn't already know what career her own mother is in.

"My mum's already investing all our money into shares."

"All?" Edelweiss echoes. "Isn't that dangerous?"

"Nah. We go consult the bank and talk about lower-risk investments. We have almost zero liquid assets compare to other people."

"Are you sure? I took a course on Corporate Law in my third year, the stock market is literally a made-up thing. Pretty sure it crashed somewhere during 2020," Edelweiss says, but without confidence. She's the sort of Law student who isn't all that good in Law.

Honey shrugs.

"Since your mum's so sure of herself, I might want to talk to her about investments in that case," Edelweiss says.

"My mum can probably help you, she knows a lot of people, a lot of rich aunties in China," Honey says.

"But I don't speak any Chinese." Edelweiss replies. Though she understands enough Hakka to get by when her mum's side of the family talks shit during those annual gatherings. Maybe she shouldn't have stopped taking those Duolingo classes. They were free, after all.

"It's still an opportunity. I think she can even find you a job,"

Edelweiss lets out a hum.

Then she thinks about why she's even working so hard to get connections for work if she's ninety-five percent sure she'll die at age fifty like her mum who passed from some sort of blood cancer. Or maybe she'll survive like her aunt with half a boob. Breast cancer is no joke, but she hopes she keeps her left one; it's close to her heart and bigger too. Or maybe she'll just pass away like her grandma at age eighty. She can't remember what kind of cancer it is now, it had a long name and was complex.


Why is she even so afraid for a future she knows she will only experience and exist for another twenty-five years? Honey's already promised Edelweiss a house rent-free, but it's possible that Edelweiss'll die before her friend even gets to fulfil that promise. That is, if Honey's eating disorder doesn't kill her first. This generation is both passionate and dying out too fast, too soon.

"The old ladies; they're all actually millionaires," Honey says.

"And they're still investing?"

"Yup. They've got a lot time, being retired and all."

Wow, to be that old and still shooting for more. Edelweiss wonders, will she be that ambitious if she manages to get to that ripe old age?

"When my family visits China, my mum makes a point to see them. She calls them her friends, and I always think, 'Ah yes, a bunch of old ladies hanging out together'. But they all know what they're doing. They have properties and stuff."

Property and stuff.

"Ah, property. I did enjoy Land Law." Edelweiss comments.


"But Equity and Trust is the devil. Everyone finished that test in tears. Didn't help that we had half the second semester cancelled because the lecturers went on a strike." Honestly, why spend all that money getting an education if the government themselves don't care enough about the educators or the people they claim they're trying to educate? "I barely passed by the skin of my teeth, lol."

"Lol." Honey echoes, then shifts on the other side of the screen. "My mum says I should try new things while continuing on game programming, just til I find what I wanna do,"

"That's fun, like adventuring." Edelweiss says. "But don't try something you know you won't one hundred percent be comfortable with. It's not worth it. You'll feel like a total failure if it falls apart. Start small and familiar. Like growing into a new book genre. You've always like reading."

"But I only read romances,"

"I don't. Don't see the point of filling my head with nonsense,"

Honey makes a sound at the back of her throat, and Edelweiss isn't sure if it's because Honey knows a loving marriage filled with kids is a luxury Edelweiss can afford, or if it's because Honey likes the fantasy of romance novels better than real life.

"Anyway," Honey utters, clearing her throat. "Today was a weird day,"


"I had like four mental breakdowns and my mum was being weirdly supportive." Four. What an unlucky number.

"When was the last time you ate?" Edelweiss asks.

"Yesterday," Honey says so casually that she may as well be talking about the weather.

Edelweiss passes her friend a look. "That explains it then,"

"Does it?"


"Do you think I should tell my mum about it?" Honey asks.

"Defo. She cares. I like your mum. She's soft. Tell her I love her, I don't care if she doesn't know me."

"Alrighty then,"

The world is on fire, and they're just talking with words.




Notes: Ah yes, my favourite topic — death and youth.

25 August 2020