I wrote this to raise awareness and hopefully inspire people to seek those who need help. I cannot describe the absolutely amazing kindness that radiates from such simple things as smiling at someone who's sad or helping a struggling student with homework.

I've come to view such little things as mini-miracles; reminders that the world isn't all pain and suffering.

The characters in Little Acts do not give their names at any point in the story.


Little Acts is dedicated to two friends of mine. He and She are wonderful.
I hold both very dear to my heart.


One week; 7 days; 168 hours; 10,080 minutes; 604,800 seconds.

That was the time stamp I put on my life.

One week to right my wrongs.
7 days to give my subtle goodbyes.
168 hours to see if anyone actually cared.
10,080 minutes to plan my release.
604,800 seconds of my pain.

That was the plan.

One more week, and I could go; I would finally be free from all the pain I've been forced to endure. All the pain they put me through.
I just had to wait. Just had to wait and see if maybe, just maybe, someone did care. Just to see if something had changed.

I knew it was hopeless... but I would wait.

And then I would die.


I restarted my countdown.

It was so close: only 12 hours left.
So. Close.

It's like the universe wants to prolong my suffering.
But then again- no.

No.

I'm such an idiot.

She didn't mean it like that. She was just being nice.
They're all just being nice. They don't mean it.
She didn't mean to make me smile. Or laugh. It was just a joke!

Like me.

It wasn't supposed to make me happy. It was supposed to make her look nice.
No one actually cared about me.

They cared about them.

They wouldn't care if I left. And they won't care when I do.
I know that.

...So why did I restart my countdown?


A boy from chemistry offered to sit next to me during lunch. Even though I sit alone in the hallway, away from them. Away from their noise.

It was nice.
He was nice.

He said he liked my shirt.
He also said he likes hot sauce on his grilled cheese sandwiches.
He was strange. And new.
But he was nice.

I was sad when lunch ended.
Then again, I'm almost always sad.
Almost.

Right now, I'm confused. I'm confused as to why I restarted my countdown again.
I had two days left.
Only two days.
Was it because he sat with me?

He was kind and funny, and he wasn't pretending.
There was no one to pretend for.
It really was nice.

I think I'll add a week to my countdown.
I want to sit next to him at lunch again.


One of them called me stupid today. In the hallway.
I don't know why; I don't even know them. I didn't do anything to them.
All I did was exist.
All I'm doing is existing.
That's all I ever do.

I have one day left.


2 hours.
2 hours that I was going to spend alone.
2 hours that I was going to spend writing a note for them to find.
But I restarted it again.

That girl - the one that made the funny joke - she said hi to me in the hallway.
And smiled.
Like, really smiled.

Apparently, she's friends with the boy that sits with me at lunch.
He smiles at me too.

It used to annoy me.
I thought they were all faking it.
I never thought someone could look at me and smile.
But when he and she smile, it makes me happy.

Happiness is a weird feeling.
I haven't felt it in what seems like so long... It feels foreign.
But it's a good kind of foreign.
Like when those people on social media travel to Italy or France and post all these wonderful pictures of these wonderful new things and you just want to go and explore it yourself - you want to explore more...

It's like that.
But better.

It probably won't last long.
But I like it.

I'll add another week to my countdown, I think.

I hope it lasts. I'm worried it won't.
3 weeks seems awfully long...
But I can hope.

Right?


I restarted it today.

Dangit.

So close.

I was talking to him and her at lunch. She decided to join us today because one of her friends made fun of me.
She said she's not friends with them anymore. They were selfish jerks, is what she said.
I'm glad.
They were mean anyways.
She also said her favorite color was blue, like my shoes.
That was the extent of our conversation.

But he decided to bring up something strange today.
He wanted to talk about sadness.
I smiled - both he and she are the only ones that can get me to - and joked.
It was a joke.

But I slipped.

I told him I knew all about sadness.
It was a joke.

Right?
It was true, but it was a joke.

He didn't laugh.
Neither did she.

They were worried.

That's bad.
I don't like it when people worry.

But that's also good.
It means someone cares.
So I think I'll add another week.
I can wait for a month.
Hopefully.


It's been a while since I thought about them.
He and she definitely helped with that.
Both still smile at me, still say hi and eat lunch with me.
Both help me with classes and homework.
Both are so kind. Even in the small things.

I've restarted my countdown multiple times now.
I've added three months to it.
Four months seemed so long at first.
Now it seems so short.
Too short.

So I think I'll make it six and restart again.
She wouldn't want me to go so soon.
He wouldn't either.


I stopped counting at 5 days.
5 days left of the six months.
It took a while... but I don't want a countdown anymore.
I don't want to leave anymore.

They are telling me to leave.
He wants me to stay.
She says to ignore them.

So I am.

They will always be there.
But so will he. And so will she.
Unknowingly helping through their tiny mercies... their little acts.

I don't want to leave anymore.
I think I want to stay instead.
But I don't want to just exist; not like before.

I think... I think I want to live.

And I think I will.


Thank you so much for reading.

I hope Little Acts manages to do some good. Or inspire some good.
Look for some way to help. It can be small. Small things are the best things, in my opinion. Hence the title 'Little Acts.'

And for those who need help, you aren't alone. And you definitely aren't helpless.
Don't be afraid to reach out. It's hard - so so hard, but it's worth it. So very worth it.

Be careful out there, guys.