A Journey into the Realm of Complete Bollocks

A letter to the Magistrate

Hello Susan! My name is John Sheppard and you may know me better as case number 421500433482. Now you may wish to read the letter I sent to the last magistrate who had my case. Read it? Good, now I want you to think about why you were given my case? Could it be that you're a woman? What I mean by that is, you're not going out on drug and prostitute night with the rest of the lads, are you? Or a Freemason? Which is drug and prostitute night. When or if this goes nuclear, and your life gets flushed down the toilet, they will not lose one of the lads on drug night at the lodge. I suppose that the truth is less funny to you as it is to me, but it comforts me to know they gave it to someone expendable.

Lets play a game Susan, I can't afford the internet as evident in the letters I sent to the last guy, and they confirm my internet is off and so you are going to have to request my payslips directly from my company, which I give you permission to do. When you do, those payslips will confirm the fraud I informed your last colleague of, you know the one with a penis those other blokes could not do without.

I wonder what those old blokes will talk about on drug and prostitute night after the shit hits the fan? "that bitch sold us down the river" they might say? Or "can't bloody trust those women, there not cut out for it, not like us chaps" and you become part of the fraud, and if or when it ever comes out that the magistrate was hiding the evidence of a fraud, then it would fall onto you.

Now I must take a big shit on the airport, and then I'm going to make you clean it up. Have a nice day Susan and remember it's not me that's out to get you, it's the system. God, I miss playing the game, I'm having such fun.


You may not believe what you have seen written down here Susan, and so ask your superior to shift my case onto somebody else. Maybe a male counterpart? And if they say, "it's a nothing case" or "it's a piece of cake" and "can you not handle it?" and when you do, and they will, think of me smiling. Soon you will be like me, and we can smile together.