I don't understand it, but Apollo said the healthiest thing to do about this is to write out what I remember.

I guess the first thing I should do is explain who I am. I am Ares, the Greek god of war, bloodthirst, and all of that. I am the son of Zeus and Hera, the rulers of the gods.

All of the Greek gods moved to the United States a while back. (Why? I dunno. We were bored or something. The reason isn't that important.) We settled in various corners, but small groups of us stayed in the same towns or cities. The town we settled in is called, uh...let's call it Cornland, that doesn't sound like a real town name.

(Athena told me that there are four towns called Cornland in the United States and I don't know what to do with this information now.)

Anyway, so we moved to Cornland and got various jobs. Dad got voted in as the mayor, Mom started a women's shelter, and I became a firefighter. Firefighters here are all volunteers, so Mom and Dad are letting me stay in their house as long as I don't trash the place.

We're not the only ones in this town, either: Athena, Artemis, Apollo, and Hermes are also here. Artemis and Hermes are both cops but do other things on the side: Artemis hunts and Hermes does mail delivery. Apollo is an EMT that does hunting on the side. Athena graduated law school and is currently the best lawyer in town.

So that's the cast of this story, I guess? Pretty much all of them have some kind of role in...whatever the hell you would call this.