RATED T FOR A REASON
This might also apply to PTSD characters. But I don't have PTSD so I couldn't say. I don't make any money off of this and I wrote this cause I think it needed to be done. I hope you all enjoy and please review!
If what is lost can be found, can what be found still remain lost?
If you are rescued and taken to where it is safe is your mind taken to where it is safe too?
Or is it left behind separated from your body
Is it plagued by memories, whispers of what has happened and what could still be happening?
hauntingly familiar voices taunting, daring you to believe that the safety that you feel is real
But is it?
Or is it another hallucination
A dream concocted by your traumatized mind trying to shield you from the horror you face
Are you ever really safe?
Or is safety an illusion
A false feeling that your mind creates when it can't face the horror and distrust that you are dealing with
Can you ever really be free?
From the faces, the experiences, the color, the noise or the lack there of except for the distorted voice of your own pained cries
or the feelings of torment which always seems to linger just at the edge of your mind
How safe is the feeling of safety when your mind screams danger at every little noise?
Your face twitches in anticipation of being slapped when your friend gets mad and raises their voice
You try to rest but rest is for those who feel safe and secure in their own body
In their own mind
Sleep is for those who are fortunate enough to never have to face what you have faced
You try and you struggle to get away from the pain and the horror
But who can save you from your own mind?
Your stuck in that place which you so desperately long to forget but your mind starts to call that place home
And you start to scare yourself wondering if you really are free, if your family isn't fake and all in your mind
You jump when touched ever so slightly so afraid that the touch will be filled once again with that unbearable pain
You laugh when someone uses that word
Like they even know what unbearable feels like
You know what It feels like and you wish to heaven you didn't
You wish you couldn't hear your own screams echoing through your ears at night
The taste of your own blood saturating your tongue in its metallic anguish
Sweat sliding off your face at any random time of the day or night because the wind, a creaking door, a tap, a quiet noise has you on the edge
And your body struggles to breath as you wait, eyes wide open and afraid of your tormentor coming around that corner, or through that door
You shut your eyes and open them to reveal nothing but a never-ending void of emptiness
Is when your mind is exploding with things you can't control
The flashes of a nightmarish dream that only you can see
Your face screwing up in anguish and your back arching involuntarily
As you could swear that the pain you that feel is being inflicted upon you right now
And not just a ghost feeling of all the torment that you endured
The ugly screeching sounds only you can hear echoing distorted
Giving you advice and commenting on your worthlessness throughout the long day
You know they aren't real
They can't be
If they were that would mean that you were still there
Still trapped, still going through the hell that you went through
But is the alternative any better?
If you really are safe, then your mind is gone
Your body was saved but your mind is losing its grip on reality
What you have faced has broken you, cracked you
Left you wondering if you would have been better off in captivity
Your body is healing but who else, but you truly know if your mind is mending
You try and pretend to be fine, to not be damaged
After all they can't call you crazy and lock you up
if they don't know what it is that you go through
Every single horrifying day
So, you lock it up inside like a monster in a cage
It works and everyone thinks your fine
Fools that they are
So, blinded by their want of you being back to normal they miss the obvious signs
That you're not okay
That word, okay
You start to chuckle again
If someone asked you if you were okay
You wouldn't even be able to define the word
Let alone label yourself as being okay
Every cage can only hold for so long
And every monster eventually breaks free
It roared gnashing its fiery fangs together and it almost swallowed you whole
Months later you almost feel like you felt before you were buried alive in nightmares
The monster reared its head and the people closest to you saw it and screamed in fear
It took the monster breaking free for people to finally see that you were not okay
That you were actually even worse now then you were then
But you finally got the help you needed
The help you deserved and longed for so needily
So, it all worked out in the end
Your still not okay
But you don't want to be okay
You cant be something that you won't ever feel like again
The voices have lessened but still pop up from time to time
All of the images have stopped, and you can actually sleep
instead of waiting up all night terrified of what would come for you
yes, everything has worked out pretty well
but the answer to the question that was asked still avoids you
and the question lingers in your mind
not quite hidden but not out on display
who can honestly know the answer the question?
do you know?
If what is lost can be found, then can what be found still somehow remain lost?