It's human nature to want something you can't have, I've never believed in it more than the past few months where the one thing I want most has been denied to me years ago. In the safety of my mind, I can claim it freely. I want you. I miss you. I need you.
In the deepest, darkest corner of my mental "What If" box is a picture of us, and everything we could've been if only I'd been brave enough to take a leap of faith. You loved me, I know you did. It scared me sometimes how much you cared, and how ridiculously easy it was to be with you.
And if I'd let myself, it would've been mind-numbingly simple to fall for you. If I just gave us a chance, I doubt my life would stay the same. We could've made each other happy, if I hadn't been such a coward.
It would've been as instinctive as breathing, to let myself sink into the comfort of your arms. But I lied to myself, saying we would never be more than platonic and denying every time your smile made my heart skip a beat. Everyone thought we'd end up together, and I was starting to believe it too.
But I chose a different path and I left you behind, and that might be my second biggest regret. The first would be that I never had the guts to kiss you, even though I've imagined it often enough by now. And I really shouldn't be thinking about you at all, and yet I find myself wondering how our relationship would've been like.
I never had the courage to say what I really feel, but I love you. And I know that I shouldn't feel this way, but I miss you. And even though you may never think about me ever again, I still want you. In my arms. In my bed. Inside me.