I wish I was your first kiss. I've written so many pages about you, but I still can't get you off my mind. I should be sleeping, but I can't stop thinking about what could've been. I should be working, but my mind keeps flashing to your lips and how they would've tasted. I keep picturing us together even though I really shouldn't, and thinking about you...gets me wet.

I don't know if it's the hormones but I imagine your mouth and how it would feel on my skin, and I squirm. Thinking about your hands and how they would feel rubbing my breasts, sliding over my nipples, your fingers inching up my legs and ghosting over my sex, your palm cupping my bum, guiding your hard member towards my wet pussy...it gets me very horny. And that's when the urge to contact you is the greatest. That's when the urge to talk to you and hear your voice is the hardest to fight. That's when I give in to the urge to touch myself and imagine it's your fingers tweaking my nipples, your hands pulling my hair, your palms kneading my breasts.

I want to know how your tongue feels against my skin, how your teeth scrapes against my neck or nibbles on my ears. I want to know how hard you can make me cum with your tongue, your fingers, your cock. I want to know how your dick fits in my hand, how your cum tastes in my mouth. I want to know the sounds you make during sex and the expressions that cross your face when you climax. I want to feel you move inside me, how it feels to make you lose control, to feel your hard length slide in and out of my core.

I've fantasized about us so many times, I'm beginning to forget any other fantasies where it isn't you and me naked and breathless, where it isn't your fingers on my clit or your tongue between my legs. It's gotten so bad that while my husband's cock is inside me, I briefly wonder if your dick would be this hard, if it would feel this good, if it would send shivers up my spine with every thrust. I wonder if you could've given me toe-curling orgasms, or made me cum so hard I forgot to breathe. I wonder how good it would feel to sit on your lap and grind against your rapidly hardening member. I wonder if our love-making would be as carefree, or as heated. I never let myself consider it before, but it seems like that's all I can think about now.

It's been a while since my husband made me scream. The sex is still good, but I miss the days of blindfolds and handcuffs, when we could take our time and be as loud as we want to be. That's when my train of thought takes a sharp turn towards you.

I could probably get you to be loud in sex, the only question is how fast I can get you to come undone. The bigger question is how fast you can get me to cum for you, and how you'd get me to climax. I have an inkling of how big you are, I've felt it and ignored it many times. I wonder why I never wanted to have sex with you before and now that you're out of my life for good, I can't stop thinking about it.

When I'm spooning with my husband and his hand darts up my shirt to play with my breasts, I wonder if you'd find satisfaction as you teased my nipples to harden and stand taut. I wonder if you'd trace lazy circles up my thighs, your fingers getting closer and closer to where I want you to touch me the most, but delaying the torture until the last possible moment when my panties are soaked and I'm practically begging for your dick inside me. But then my husband yanks off my panties and rubs my clit with just enough force to make me come undone, and all coherent thought leaves me. And when he plunges inside me just as I'm coming down from that high, he sends me rocketing up to that point again, keeping me poised on that precipice until he angles his hips just so and hits my spot right there, and I have to close my eyes at the onslaught of pleasure.

I love my husband, he knows how to satisfy me. He drives me crazy most of the time, but the hot sex makes up for it. However, on nights when I'm alone and my thoughts run wild, I think of you and what would've been.