Hi everybody. This is the first draft of a new poem I'm working on. Not 100% sure what I think about it myself, but please read, relax, and review.
For weeks I've sat in front of a screen
Camera on, red button flashing
Trying to glean what's real and what
In this world is crashing, Zooming forth
Everyone appears two steps ahead,
While I am hidden between bedsheets
Alone for weeks, standing at the edge
of a balcony moon's absent light
Knowing that for tonight I'll not sleep.
And I wonder what it takes to rest
When every day is pressed in an hour
Where months span days and rays of the sun
No longer seem a happy greeting
But instead, bring forth just another
fucking zoom meeting, notifications
flooding another one of my screens
even my dreams contain no escape
I no longer crave sleep just to watch
subconscious fears on endless repeat.
My dreams always return to high school
Four years sitting behind a desk, work
endless, trying my best always stressed
As I planned to escape my home town
Longing to travel around somewhere
somewhere I would feel included not
secluded behind anxious layers
shrinking away beneath their glares
Seven years graduated, their words still
sit serrated in my subconscious.
Subconsciously always screaming in
audibly pleading someone to stay
Every day a new lesson in what
it means to be lonely, a phony
trapped behind walls built-in old school halls
when my backpack would slink against my
shins, thinking that just leaving meant a
win, still, I find myself loitering
within these rising borders of doubt
lookout 2020 horrors aren't faltering.
And I know tonight I won't find sleep
No matter how I cling to my sheets
Because all I've done is host Zoom meets
Staring at a camera turned on,
red light flashing, what's it even mean
to be a teacher to blank screens
surviving on few social rations
dashing between assignments, grading
waiting to hear from even one friend
fuck, somedays I wish this would end.
I look at the moon and wonder who
else stood on this earth feeling alone
no matter where they venture, no home
beneath that light, just lost in the view.
Hope you guys enjoyed it, and if you have any feedback, I would love to hear it.