-SF

I make mistakes

I might make a lot.

I might trip and fall, and scrape my knees, but I'll get up.

I'll keep getting up no matter how many times you knock me down.

I don't like people telling me what to do with my life.

Setting me my whole life plan.

STOP! I can make decisions on my own, I'm not a kid anymore

I don't need you to read everything out loud.

GIVE ME THE BOOK AND LET ME READ FOR MYSELF.

Sure, I must stubble onto a word I can't say, but I'll find a way.

Please don't tell me anyway.

I want to be in CONTROL today.

I stubble upon the word, trying to sound it out.

But I start to realize this is a word I cannot pronounce.

No, please don't help me out.

I don't need you to help me with everything.

I just want to try it for myself.

But I can't if it's not mine.

Take your time… It's fine. No… don't give me that look.

That was my book. You decided to help me when I didn't want you to help. Just let me read for myself.

Drowning

No, I'm tired of all the arguing.

That's all that we ever do.

If you ever need me, I'll be in my room.

Someday… It'll be soon.

There won't be… me and you.

There's no trust between us.

The rest of it has turned to dust.

No… don't even start arguing.

You know that it is true.

There's no more damage,

That you can even do.

I'm hanging off the edge of the cliff now.

This is your choice.

You could either let me fall.

Or pull me up.

But choose wisely because I'm not coming back.

You let go.

You looked in my eyes and saw betrayal.

I plunged deep down into the water and tried to reach the top.

But… you knew I couldn't swim.

The tears filled your eyes.

Because you realized I just died.

Mom, this is your fault.

You could have grabbed my hand.

You watched me as I struggled to reach the surface.

You heard my cries as you let me drown.

But all you told me is I have to be strong.

But you knew… I couldn't hold my breath for long.

-SF

Hm… by now… you should know me pretty well.

There's not much to tell…

I am such a hopeless romantic.

But I can be overly dramatic…

I would say that I am an addict.

To flowers and jewelry but let's look past it.

You don't have to buy me diamonds.

Just a little kiss will leave me blinded.

You don't have to dress to impress.

That's not what matters to me, so please don't stress.

I don't want to steal all your time.

I just want to know that you're mine.

If you're not… It's fine.

Just know you're the only thing that makes the dark shine.

I love you more than you could even know.

But it can be very difficult to show.

To be with you there's nowhere else that I'd go.

In this world you're my only friend, everyone else is my foe.

Listen to me, every word I write I mean it.

Sometimes you're probably very clueless.

I know I'm very foolish…

I know we won't last forever, but I won't say never.

I will try. Until I die. I won't lie.

I'll never lie to you. That's the last thing I'd do.

I just hope you love me too.

It's only… just me and you.

No, I'm so tired of the romance

Tired of seeing all of the past

This is not my fault

But sure keeping acting like it is

She told me to get over you I'd have to hate you

Maybe I could because you told me I never loved you.

Maybe it wasn't love but I still cared about you

You affected my every move.

And no matter how many times I try to keep my head up

I always look down.

Just hoping you aren't there.

Just wishing I couldn't hear anything where I hear your voice

And how your laughter brings tears to my eyes

I can't let you know how much pain you give me.

You're perfectly fine without me.

And I'm barely even holding on.

You know, this looks so one sided.

Because it looks like you don't care at all.

So maybe I shouldn't either.

There's no maybe about it.

Why should I care if you don't?

Why should I spend all my time crying when it doesn't even matter to you?

Why should I feel like I'm the one at fault just so you can feel better about what you did?

Everytime I hear your voice I put in my earbuds,

Because for some reason I believe I won't hear you

So I turn the volume up until my ears are bleeding

Just so I will stop myself from fleading

I never told you anything that was a lie.

Because I believed that you would understand.

But maybe I just wanted someone to understand so badly.

I forced you to understand when you didn't want to...

Fears

Everyones looking down upon me…

They'll never hear my plea.

It's me they can't see…

Am I invisible? What's going on?

Rejection is the only thing I ever receive any more

Keep slamming that door.

I don't even know why I should care anymore.

Tell me, what did I do to deserve this?

Just ignore me

Pretend like I don't exist

You keep talking like I did everything wrong.

Just so you can feel better about what you did.

Just when I was starting to feel better about myself

I end up feeling five times worse than I did at the start of it.

I wasted two years of my life on you.

I don't know what's going on.

I'm talking to strangers

I'm acting carelessly

Because it occurred to me, why should I stay good?

If I don't have a reason to be?

I'm becoming sadistic

Laughing at literally everything, losing my mind

And I'm just waiting for the moment when myself fades

Who to trust?

Who to care for?

Who to be me to?

I find myself starting to keep my head down

Hurting myself, digging my nails so far into my skin until I stop crying, and until I stop thinking about you.

I scream as loud as I possibly can inside my head

I'm scared of the moment when they hear my thoughts

I scared of the moment when I don't have control anymore

But then I realize that I've never been in control

And that's why I'm so afraid.

Being scared of losing something I never had

Does that make me bad?

For trying to make you forget your life for one minute?

All I ever did was for you and sure my attentions weren't right at first

But I never intended to hurt you worse then you were before

That's not at all what I wanted

And if you can't see that, what was I doing there?

I just realized how much I don't pay attention to anyone else

Except you,

Walking down the halls I was seeing a different view.

All that time I was just wasting,

Because I had literally nothing to do.

Except be by you.

Maybe that makes me a bad person.

Maybe I should've just let you go a lot sooner.

But maybe I really am just selfish...

You don't want me and I keep interfering.

Maybe I should just ignore you.

Maybe I should just cut you out

Pretend like you were never there.

That doesn't make the pain go away.

Or the fact that you're still here.

Life

I am starting to forget how to feel.

I no longer know what is real.

Block them out and close the seal!

Yeah I have a heart of steel!

No! Don't tell me it's okay!

You're just sad tomorrow will be a better day!

No! You've been saying that.

It's been a year and that's a fact.

It feels like a heart attack.

There's nothing that I can see.

Who did I used to be?

Who is the real me?

No, I'm stuck in all this sadness

It's driving me to the point of madness

And all this tension between us?

I'd rather leave it in the dust,

I can't look at you without looking at me,

I try my hardest to just leave you be.

But the more I hide the more I want to lie by your side.

I swear if I think about you one more time,

I'm going to throw this stupid rhyme

Into the trash where it belongs,

Because I'm tired of being the outcast

I'm tired of trying so hard to reach the top

Because then when I'm almost there I fall apart.

My mom tells me not to beg for love,

And if I didn't I wouldn't have any friends

But I guess I don't need any,

That's fine I'm alright

I don't want to go home

But I don't want to be here either,

I just want to be in space

That way there's no one around me to deal with my mistakes

Lately I've been putting up a shield

Protecting my heart from any further harm

But it hasn't protected anything

And I just want to throw it across the yard.

I'm so tired of holding back my anger

You thought you knew what I was like when I was angry?

Well what you saw was slightly irritated.

Anger is a different picture

Anger is how I feel every time I look in the mirror

Anger is how I feel when I hear my voice

Anger is when I see them smile at my so called jokes

I'm not going to let anyone in

Until they figure out who is me

I'll hide beneath this mask

And hide from all of my past.

Which one is worse mental or physical abuse?

Believe me they both feel the same,

Every single day I go home and I have to figure out

What did I do wrong this time?

Sure that's parents for you…

Depression

Aimlessly walking

Fists clenched

Earbuds blasting

Music loudly

Tears burning

Hat lowering

Patience snapping

Head rising

Anger increasing

Teeth grinding

Nails indenting

Fear rising

Nerves rashing

Head throbbing

No, why am I the one feeling this?

Why am I the one running from this?

Why am I the one sad about this?

Why do I keep asking this?

Why do I keep asking so many questions?

Why do I feel so empty?

Why does everything I do make everything worse?

I try to fix things and it just fails…

I am not a bad person.

I am not crazy.

I am not sad.

I am not alone.

I am okay.

But even if I wasn't you wouldn't care, would you?

Even if I was tearing myself apart.

Killing myself?

Or does this make me selfish too?
I don't even know who I am at this point

These constant memories I have everytime I try to do something

Are driving me insane.

At this point I'm going to start doing everything you didn't want me to do.

Just so you'd think I'm over you.

And maybe along the way people will finally be my friend.

If not, it's not going to change anything.

I'll just be the person they think I'd be.

Or the person they see.

Because if they think they know me

Then what can I possibly do wrong.

But I'll be right beside you. . .

You'll never be alone Again.

I'm so tired of everyone leaving, I'm so scared

Because the truth is no one cared.

I'm so sad

Because in reality I never kept what I ever had.

And I'm not going to let any of them know

I'll be fake

Just so I can last until the moment when I reach home…

Smiling, laughing, fake confidence that's all it is

Everything I was then, it all became his.

Because if you look in my eyes

That's where I hide the truth of my lies

That's why I don't look people in the eyes

I just hide myself in this jacket just like a disguise.

I don't want them to know how I feel inside.

Because they'll leave just like the rest of them.

You're the only one who will stay.

But you will leave once I make just one little mistake.

And why can't I just keep you all to myself?

I don't want to say the word love

And please don't ask me if I need a hug

If you cared you wouldn't ask me

If you cared you wouldn't tell me to put this all past me.

Because just the word hurts too much.

I need someone to show me what love is in just a touch

I'm using my pain as a crutch.

I know, I make people pity me just so they'll be my friend.

Why won't this pain ever end…

-S

Ill numb the pain

And take it away.

I'll make the clock reverse and take back

What was once pure.

I'll sit here on the throne

And take charge if you want me to

I'll help you rule the world

Whenever you need to.

I'm not doing this just because I pity you.

I'm doing this because I'm broken too.

I'm the light to the dark

I'll help illuminate the room

You stand in alone

But because I am here

I'll help you out of that zone

Out of that zone of faking a smile.

Out of that zone you have stayed in for a while.

Wow, I almost believed that for a second there.

It almost sounded like you actually care.

This world isn't fair.

I glue and tape the pieces together but it will always tear.

Welcome to my lair

I'm sorry does this scare you?

Well too bad there's nothing I can do.

Look at all my prized possessions

What is that facial expression?

You say it's a bit dark in here.

I'm sorry do I hear a bit of fear?

Ah, you're afraid of me now.

Just because you see the swords and the jars

Filled with so many hearts.

This is what happens when you make those smart little remarks

My patience snaps and I throw you right into the sharks

They'll rip you to pieces

This world is filled with so many diseases.

Some are real and some are just reasons.

You blame your actions on something that's wrong with you

Why can't you admit that you're the one who's wrong

Instead of going on and on saying it's my fault their fault

That's just what makes me so angry

You just can't take the blame can you?

And no I'm not talking about you.

Part of this is just to everyone in general.

Because all that sadness is just becoming so bitter.

You throw my heart out like some useless piece of litter.

-S

But I do care.

I care for you.

Even if this land is scary I'll still be here.

Standing tall like a sycamore tree.

I'll be here whenever you need me.

I'll take the blame

I don't want your wings to get bruised and tainted.

So you can fly free just be free.

It's ok if I help you, you don't need to help me.

What i'm good at is just being good.

I dont break promises at all.

Just like I should.

I help people in need.

I'll be your saving grace.

So come along with me and take your place.

Among the sea of people in the world.

I don't care if they rip my wings to shreds

As long as you stay alive until I'm dead.

You can guarantee that i'll be here forever

Loyalty is the one thing that matters most to me.

I'm kind, I care and finally, you can fly free with me.

Your cards are aces and eights, the dead man's hand.

My favorite card was always been the spades

But unlike them I don't bluff.

I was never scared of the dark so many places to hide.

So you try and get out to all the people you know

But listen i'm not going anywhere bro.

I can be the light to your shadows

The lover to your nightmare.

The yin to your yang I really don't care

But as long as you're still one of my friends.

I'll be here for you till your world ends.

Liars, like all of them you're such a bad liar

Setting all of these metaphorical forests on fire

All their lies I sure do tire

Tell me why are you still lying?

I'm not going to waste any of my time on crying

Because none of your words are true

You're just doing this because you have nothing better to do.

You're just praising me so you feel good about yourself

You're always swimming in gold because you only care about your wealth

Not my health.

-S

Break me down or build me back up

It doesn't matter anymore.

I've set my goal to help you

And this is all I ask for

For you to please let me help

For you to let me in.

I'm trying my best to be the one

Who doesn't lose the heart but always wins.

I've tried for so long

To fix my friends and fit in

But the last thing i want is for you to break down,

I know this world is full of sin

It's a disgrace

How many people were displaced and dragged down

By others into the pit of darkness

I was always the one to be honest

And since that day I have never broken a promise

So out through the coldest nights

If you miss someone just hug your pillow tight

I know it might hurt now but things will be alright

I'm watching over you from the clouds above

Sending down the purest and whitest doves

To be my watchful eyes and help you through this time

So don't you worry because things will be alright.

I'm so tired of caring

So tired of sharing

Everything I have is not what I own

I just want somewhere to be my home

But no matter where I go

Or who I meet

I will never be whole.

Everyone takes me for granted

I got abused by a lot of guys

Because I believed all of their lies

Baby do this for me I love you so much

I knew this was going to happen it was just a hunch

Why you're still here I don't know

But I have nowhere else to go.

-S

But if you could have seen yourself.

Pois a few adjustments

There's a song within your movement

And the morning in your smile

All the roses of the garden

They bow to ask your pardon

For none can match the beauty

Of your true self.

My friend I won't leave you

My intentions not to greed you

Nor would I ever deceive you

For I am just a noble.

In the part of our deer country

Know for beauty and for style

This is a place of noble thinkers,

Of scholars and great drinkers

But now word can pain the picture

Of your true self from the heart.

Wow, you're such a sweet talker aren't you?

You sure set your mind to helping me and that's all that you can do

Why you're still here I have no clue

I've been through some deep crap you know

And I'm not going to start with you being my foe

They all do the same things

And that's how I lost my wings

I can't be who I used to be

Who I used to be was a little girl as me

She was so pure and innocent

And then they just showed her everything she didn't want to see.

That's one of the reasons why I'm like this

I hope you get the jist.

-S

I can do some much more

Just give me a chance

You know the saying

All's fair in love and war.

I just know love

Thats all ive ever know

I really don't know how to hate

I've been hated but I don't hate back

I just leave them be

So if you ask me

Everyday is like a war to me

Although instead of bullets they are words

Words of meaningless lies in discrete detail

But I don't fight back.

If I were mixed up with them

I'd be the talk of the town

Disgraced and disowned

Another one of the clowns.

But I finally live a little,

Finally laugh a little

It'll wake you up and cure your aching

Set a goal and start breaking.

Now that seems like a risk worth taking

But I guess I'll leave that up to you.

I can't let you in

I won't let you win

This was the beginning but this is now the end

I may not be Asriel

I try hard but my heart isn't pure

And my love is not secure

He loves because it's the cure

To all the pain inside Chara's heart.

But Chara was to blind to see

That there was where she belonged to be

You're my Asriel.

But I'm just Chara.

I can never do what you do for me.

My heart is bitter

Cold and covered in splinters.

There isn't a smile that you see on my face.

I drew it on so I'd feel less like a mistake.

I'm sorry to say it but my sadness won't erase

Sure, you can fade it away

But it's permanent

-S

But your not just that

Your my power,

My pleasure,

My pain.

To me it's like a grown addiction

that I can't deny

But did you know

That when it snows

My eyes become large and

The light that you shine can be seen

The more I get of this the stranger it feels

In this crazy noisy bizarre town

You have the thing I love

But the need in me is ways too much

If I open my eyes

One of us may get lost in site

Me or you.

If I help you will we know

If love kills of makes you whole

Tears you open

Take you home.

You have the thing I love.

Together we will find the answers to this life.

Answers to questions I have too many of

There's this one question: is this even love?

Tell me why I should risk losing everything

Especially when I don't have anything

I have nothing to give

This is no way to live

I go insane inside my own brain

Worries and anxiety filling up the emptiness

Do I look okay?

Do they like me?

Why should I even care if they like me?

Nothing I say or do is ever good enough for what needs to be

The question why I'm even here is something recurring

The tears falling from my eyes have made them burning

Why should I even care?

If they don't even bare

To make things fair

Or compliment my hair

That I took hours and hours to do

I keep seeing him out of the corner of my eyes

He's become everything that I despise

I shake my head and block it out

The more I do the more I doubt

Were my intentions really all about

Me?

Emily

I guess I ran out of time.

And I guess you didn't figure out my rhyme.

The reason why I was always fine.

You'd listen to my every whine

But you'll never see,

Because I'm just that little kid.

You always say I'm adorable

But I'm not I can be horrible

All these voices in my head are uncontrollable

But losing you is not affordable.

You can listen but you'll never remember

Maybe that's one of the good things

I'll sing this song

And strum these strings

But I'll still be that little kid playing on the swings

It's time for me to grow up now.

Actually I should have a long time ago

But you held me down

When I tried to spread my wings.

Stay with me child and I'll grant all of your dreams

That's okay this world wasn't made for us all to be kings

Even so I'm not one of those shiny diamonds that gleams

I'm a teddy bear ripping from the seams

I know this is getting a little extreme

But I'm afraid to tell you but that's just life

And I'll give you a bit of advice

Hurt me and you'll pay the price

Hurt my friends and I won't be so nice.

I'll be everyone's best friend

But I'm one of those colors that just won't blend.

I'm nothing like Asriel but this is still the end.

And to you this letter I send.

Hoping you will figure it out.

The adorableness you know so much?

It's not me.

It's because of you.

My eyes are a lot cloudier

Even though I can still see clearer

They hide a lot of fear

The ones I love all disappear

Every mistake I make, makes all the colors smear

This was a beautiful painting but it's covered in my tears.

Emotions are painful

Love is hateful

And whether you care or not

I don't know

If I tell you how I feel

Whether or not if it's real

I don't trust the seal

I don't want all my feelings to pour right out

I'm filled with a lot of doubt

The more I try to empty this cup

The more it gets full

Whether you understand it

Or whether you don't

I don't want my heart to hurt

I don't want to let anyone see who I really am

Because I've been down that street

You think you know.

But you better question what you know

Do you really know how I feel about you?

Or maybe you do.

That's not for me to decide.

-S

Day and night

I see the light

You shine so bright

In the sky

For all the stars

You're the prettiest.

And you shine the brightest

You're the light to my dark

You're the shine to my spark

You're the beat to my heart

For you I'd let them tear me apart

For each tear I cry

I promise that I will not lie

If I could spend every night

Staring up at the sky,

I'm yours.

For as long as you shine.

I don't know how to respond to this…

Why are you even doing this…

I only knew you for like a year,

I barely knew anything about you

I'm sure you just wanted to take advantage of me

That's what every guy did to me

Jason didn't do anything

But he still left me

I have a fear of guys

Because their thoughts, I despise

I can be a bit of a tease…

But, teasing is all it will ever be…

Because I'm scared.

I'm slowly getting back to who I used to be

But, I'll never be me

The girl you knew was innocent

Blinded by an idea of everything was good

No matter what it took

But she got hit in the face with reality

Some people decided to destroy my everything

The arguing with my mom started happening

And my desire to sleep forever kept increasing

I don't want to be alone

But there's not any way to not be

I can't give you what you need

Because I'm nothing

I've been trying to find myself for years

But each year I find myself drowning in more tears

Each time I feel better I find myself with more fears

Life is terrifying and it's hard to be brave

The good inside me will be hard to save

I hid it in so much darkness that I can't behave

All the rules that I know will not make me your slave

To all the people that made me their foe

I'm sorry for whatever I did to you

But society doesn't accept me.

It doesn't matter what I do

So why should I try so hard to be with you?

All this will do is make me even more blue

Sure I like you but this is all true

I don't trust anyone except for a few

I don't like anyone

And neither do you

I don't want anyone else to hurt

As much as I do while they throw me to the ground in all that dirt

Sorry for toying with you but I'm just a flirt

I guess I just don't want to get any more hurt

I'm not getting my hopes up

And I'm not going to be right here waiting for you

Because I really hate people like that

They think that I'll stay by their side no matter what they do to me

They think I can't get back up after they push me

Love is the most hateful thing I've ever seen

Divorces, breakups, playboys

They're all the same.

Half of them can't even remember my name

Some of them I knew them my whole life and they left for fame

Maybe I'm just the one to blame

If you don't hear from me

I'm sorry for everything I've pretended to be

For looking at you with these empty eyes

For looking down on everything I see

It's better this way

Or that's what they say

I want to be okay again

S