Body Parts

There are people who struggle and fight

And go through unimaginable suffering

Just to have the body I do.

Am I, then, ungrateful?

Should I be happy I have it?

Surely wanting to claw at it until I bleed

And tear away and rip off

All the parts that identify it as "female"

Make me a bad person.

For hating being female

Means I hate femininity and womanhood

And women who are comfortable in their bodies.

If I was fine with women, I would be fine with being one,

And so I must be quiet and accept the way I am.

Being a man, especially at the cost of giving up my shot

At being a woman, makes me inherently sexist,

As it means I think becoming a man is better

And that being a woman is inferior.

And losing femininity is a tragic waste,

A loss of a gift, a sign of abandoning

Softness and beauty.

So silent I remain, as I try to accept

The way that I am, the way I should be.

For I cannot really be trans;

I'm questioning myself "too late."

I would have realized and gone forth

Much earlier if I truly meant it;

I am clearly just crying for attention

By wondering these things right now.

I've been a woman this long;

Can't I accept that

And remain one forever?