There are people who struggle and fight
And go through unimaginable suffering
Just to have the body I do.
Am I, then, ungrateful?
Should I be happy I have it?
Surely wanting to claw at it until I bleed
And tear away and rip off
All the parts that identify it as "female"
Make me a bad person.
For hating being female
Means I hate femininity and womanhood
And women who are comfortable in their bodies.
If I was fine with women, I would be fine with being one,
And so I must be quiet and accept the way I am.
Being a man, especially at the cost of giving up my shot
At being a woman, makes me inherently sexist,
As it means I think becoming a man is better
And that being a woman is inferior.
And losing femininity is a tragic waste,
A loss of a gift, a sign of abandoning
Softness and beauty.
So silent I remain, as I try to accept
The way that I am, the way I should be.
For I cannot really be trans;
I'm questioning myself "too late."
I would have realized and gone forth
Much earlier if I truly meant it;
I am clearly just crying for attention
By wondering these things right now.
I've been a woman this long;
Can't I accept that
And remain one forever?