A/N: Sorry again for taking such a long time to update this, but finally, here is the new chapter that begins the final arc of the story.
I recommend rereading this story from the beginning if you've been waiting for this chapter for a while and forgot what happened at this point. I went back and edited each chapter one by one.
Please note that this chapter contains drunk sex, and the rest of the story does deal with topics such as alcoholism, physical and verbal abuse, homophobia, terrorism, sexual assault, gang violence, and drunk driving.
I moved to LA in late November of 2019, telling myself that I would be starting a new chapter in my life, and not to look back.
But I couldn't do anything but look back. Even when I landed in LA where it didn't snow in the Winter, even when I moved into my new apartment that was absolutely beautiful and perfect for me, even when I would spend my nights sleeping with strangers or drowning in alcohol, all I could ever think about were my mistakes. Nia and Miles were constantly popping up in my mind no matter what. I'd see things that would remind me of them, and I'd feel my heart ache. Whether I'd see a video game Nia liked, or a trailer for a new war movie… I couldn't bear to look.
I'd hook up with men I knew and who I didn't, trying to fill the void within me, trying to find that same feeling Miles gave me. But no matter what, nobody could make me feel even a fraction of what he made me feel. But I was convinced I just had to keep trying, and had to keep searching for someone to fill his shoes.
LA was fine, it was a lot different from my hometown. I had visited plenty of different big cities all over America, but I wasn't used to actually living on my own in such a big and busy city. I was always working, and since most of my gigs were here in LA, I was always occupied with work during the day. It was a bit stressful and a lot more than what I was used to, but I was doing something that I loved, and I was making good money.
Speaking of work, ever since I moved to LA and began doing a lot more work, Chance seemed to become more strict and demanding. He'd push me to do more gigs and try to get me to become more famous. Though I believed my career was steady, the more that time went on and I did more work, it seemed that it wasn't enough for him. But it didn't feel like it was enough for me either, because I too wanted to push myself further to get up there with the elites and become a household name. Maybe the way I'd been getting treated lately made me feel like a bit of a snob, but I wasn't doing it on purpose.
Life was going okay, my twenty-second birthday had come around and I went out for a sophisticated and elegant dinner with some other models I was acquainted with. Chance had given me a fancy new phone as a birthday present, which made me really happy. It felt strange celebrating my birthday without a greeting from Nia, and even though I shouldn't have expected a greeting from her, I always liked whenever she did greet me. The absence of a message was just another reminder of how much I screwed up our friendship. Celebrating my birthday without her wasn't the same, it truly felt like something was missing.
Then came March of 2020—when the Covid-19 pandemic struck the world, and not only did it affect my career, but it affected everything in the world. I wasn't able to travel and had to spend most of my time in my apartment, but I was able to do a bit of work from home. Not to the degree of work I'd get before the pandemic, but I still had plenty of followers online, which meant plenty of offers to do some sponsorship stuff right from my own apartment. And I had a little room in my apartment that I used just for modeling from home.
But isolating myself and being all alone 24/7 had led me to drinking day and night, trying to numb myself so I wouldn't feel so fucking depressed. I hated being alone with my negative thoughts and feelings, that's why I'd just drink until they were gone. But they would always come back anyway.
And because of Covid, I pretty much couldn't see anyone face-to-face, which meant I couldn't hang out with other friends I knew from work or hook up with anyone anymore. Before, I at least felt a bit content with having company, but now I was really alone, which just made me even more depressed and made me want to drink even more.
Oh yeah, and Nia unfriended me on Supreme Quest. Just more salt in my wounds.
So that's pretty much how my 2020 went—modeling in my apartment, drinking, going live on Posty with other models or influencers, binge reading different stories and webcomics on my favourite reading sites, more drinking, doing more research about LGBTQ+ culture and history and using my platforms, to crying about how depressed I was and how I would never see Miles again, and of course, more drinking.
Summer had come around, and I remembered that it was only a year before when Miles and I were building that shed in his backyard together. I couldn't believe how much time had passed since then, I seemed to lose track of time ever since the pandemic began. Time sure flies when you're drinking it all away in your apartment by yourself.
Sometimes I had video calls with my parents or with Nathan, but I just assured them that everything was fine in LA while I was self-isolating and all. I couldn't tell them about how bad my alcohol use had become, I didn't want them to worry about me. I also had made some friends online under a handle, and it was nice to chat with other people around the same age as I was who had similar interests as me. I'd bide my time doing what I would usually do, and the days seemed to just kind of fall short.
Time seemed to just fly by completely, and by the time I knew it, it was already October. I got invited to a virtual Halloween party with some other influencers that I joined wearing a sexy chimera costume, that of course I only wore from the waist up. I couldn't help but remember that Nia loved Halloween. I wondered what she was doing that Halloween… But I guess I would never know.
Then came November… And I remembered it was only a year ago that Miles and I visited his wife's grave, and he told me that he loved me.
I loved him. I still love him.
I never truly loved anyone the way I loved Miles Fotia. What I had with the men in my life, like Daniel or Julian, it was different… But I was with Miles the longest, and I really, truly saw us being together forever. And so, I spent that day drinking my ass off until I passed out on the floor. I didn't want to remind myself of what I ruined.
Anyway, my career was pretty stable for the year, and that was fine. But stable wasn't quite enough for me or for Chance, and it wasn't until 2021 when the pandemic seemed to finally begin to calm down that Chance decided it was time to take a risky leap.
2021 was when my life began to take a dramatic turnaround.
It was March, just a week after my twenty-third birthday. I couldn't believe I was already twenty-three, it felt like it was just yesterday that I was only nineteen and working at the grocery store.
I washed my face in the bathroom sink before drying off with a towel, then looked in the mirror and took off the elastic headband that was holding back the front of my hair. My hair was long enough to the point that I had to tie it up in a small ponytail, but not long enough to hold all of my hair—so some of my hair stuck out under the ponytail, and my bangs still messily came down in the front of my face. I kind of liked it though, I liked how feminine I looked.
With getting older, I began to grow more facial hair and at a faster rate, which meant I really had to shave more often. I hated having facial hair, it was itchy and bothersome, and it got in the way of my androgynous appeal. It was a nuisance, but I suppose that it was just natural the more I matured. I seriously considered getting laser hair removal so I wouldn't grow facial hair anymore.
I had apparently grown slightly taller since I'd last checked my height. I had to get my measurements done for my modeling records, and apparently I was now five-foot-seven. It wasn't much, but it was interesting to know that I was still growing.
I walked out of the bathroom and headed to my bedroom. I really liked my apartment, it was spacious and modern. I wasn't sure I'd be able to get used to being in such a fancy suite, but I was able to eventually. Chance really knew how to spoil me. Of course, he wasn't my sugar daddy or anything—he had a wife and a daughter, who was graduating high school soon. He was starting to get new clients as well, but I seemed to be his priority. After all, I was his moneymaker.
I had a photoshoot for a magazine later on in the day, but I just wanted to relax until then. I changed into a T-shirt and sweatpants before getting my laptop and bringing it with me to the kitchen so I could have breakfast while checking my emails.
I placed my laptop on the marble counter before reaching into the cupboard to grab a bowl, then filled it with cereal. After getting milk from the fridge and pouring it into the bowl, I also got a glass and filled it with milk before putting the milk back. I got a spoon out of the drawer before I slid my bowl and glass over the counter next to my laptop, and sat down in the comfy stool before opening up my laptop and logging in. I went straight to my music player to start one of my playlists before I started to eat some cereal. I wonder if I'll be able to have a drink or two before the shoot… Just to calm me down a little bit.
I crunched on my cereal as I went into my email inbox to see if there was anything new for me. Okay, my schedule for next week from Chance, some thanks from some of the companies I worked with, work offers and commission requests… I kept scrolling through, deciding to not read anything work related until I was at least finished having breakfast. There was an email with no subject that did catch my attention, from someone calling themselves 'Anon.'
Hmm… Curiosity got me, and I clicked on the mysterious email. It was only one line of text.
"YOU WILL BURN IN ETERNAL DAMNATION"
I blinked at the screen. Okay, then… I clicked on the garbage can icon to trash the email before going back to scrolling through my inbox and having breakfast. Probably just some stupid prank email, I'm not even going to entertain that shit.
After I read through more interesting emails, I had finished my breakfast. I went to put my stuff in the dishwasher before sitting back down in the stool, deciding to start reading my work emails. Alright, yeah yeah yeah, 'thank you' and all that… Okay, I got some commissions for personalized video messages that I'll probably do tomorrow…
I decided to take a short break from reading my work emails to open another tab, trying to think of something to distract me for even just a few minutes. HueToob must have some new videos… Maybe I could take a little bit to see if I could learn something new.
I went onto the site, logging into my burner account I used for commenting and saving videos. On the site's homepage, it recommended Nia's gaming channel to me, showing that she was streaming live at the moment.
I gulped, feeling a heavy pain in my chest. Nia… I haven't talked to her since that day when she walked out on me…
I hesitated for a moment, but I couldn't help but click on the video to see Nia in the corner of the video dressed in a hoodie with her hair down, as she wore her headphones and had her mic close by. On the main screen, she played some sort of futuristic sci-fi game of some sort, as her character seemed to be blasting alien creatures.
"Ahahaha, I'm really getting close to level fifty-five," she said excitedly. "Soon I'll be able to unlock the new area and get that new armor at the shop, hell yeah."
I couldn't help but smile sadly hearing her voice and how happy she sounded. I liked hearing her happy, and I missed hearing her talk. Her voice… It felt like there was an open wound in my chest hearing her speak. I remember the last thing she said to me was to go fuck myself.
In the sidebar was the chat log, where her viewers could post their comments while she was streaming. There were comments asking Nia to shout them out, or comments telling Nia what to do next in the game, or simply just greeting her and telling her how much they loved her.
"Oh shit, here comes the boss," she said as a large and scary-looking alien monster came up on the screen. She made her character pull out a weapon before beginning to shoot it, dodging the attacks and trying her best to deal damage on it. "Grr… This one's tough, y'all. I hope I can defeat it in one try."
Nia continued to focus on the boss battle until a little jingle chimed as it showed onscreen that somebody donated twenty dollars to Nia with a message. "why don't u post pics of u and cody vale on posty anymore?"
That message made me freeze up and gulp, my heart skipping a beat out of anxiety. Nia looked over to look at it. "Thank you for the twenty-dollar donation, sinkfunny. Let's see…" Nia quickly read through the message with her eyes, and her expression faltered. "Um…"
I exhaled deeply. I can't believe someone would donate her money and then ask something like that… Nia jumped in her seat when she realized she was still in a boss battle, and went back to playing the game. "I'm… Not going to be talking about him," is all she said before quietly continuing to fight the monster.
Ouch. Just hearing her say that was like a blow to my chest.
As Nia continued playing, she seemed a bit off, as if she was completely thrown after reading that question. She would take a lot more damage from the enemy and seemed distracted and tense, and was mostly silent.
I left the stream before closing the tab and closing my laptop, feeling sick everywhere in my body as I started feeling sad again after that. I know it's too early to be drinking, but… I need some alcohol in me after all that, I thought before getting off the stool and going to the cabinet to reach for the first bottle I could grab, bringing it with me to the living room.
After spending an hour or two drinking away my sadness, I snoozed on the couch in my living room until my phone's alarm went off, indicating that it was time for me to get ready for work.
I woke up feeling incredibly groggy, my head was pounding. I can't skip out on work, I'll just take a pill and suck it up, I thought with a sigh as I got up from the couch and made my way to the kitchen to get a glass before I headed to the bathroom.
I filled my glass with cold water from the tap before I opened up the medicine cabinet behind the mirror, looking for pain relief medication. Ibuprofen, right? I think that's what it is…
I grabbed the bottle off the shelf before opening it, pouring a few pills into my hand before closing the bottle and putting it back on the shelf. I looked in the mirror before tossing the pills into my mouth, swallowing them along with the water from my glass. I sighed once I was finished. I wish I didn't have to rely on drinking to help me get through my days, but it's not like I'm showing up in public or to work drunk, so it's not that much of a problem.
I went to hit the shower and cleaned up before changing my clothes and tying my hair back. I was a little bit hungry, so I decided to just eat something quick before leaving. I didn't have much time to cook a proper meal, so I settled for making a PB&J sandwich.
After eating, I brushed my teeth before heading out, making sure to lock my apartment door. I put my sunglasses on before getting to my car. It was a beautiful light blue semi-convertible that I bought in the previous year. I needed a new car and had the money for it, so I bought the one that looked the cutest to me.
Driving down the streets of LA always felt so surreal to me, but the reality would always sink in whenever I got into the traffic. But as much as I hated traffic, sometimes it was nice to just sit in the car for a while and listen to music while waiting for the traffic to move.
It took about half an hour before I finally got to my destination. I parked my car in the lot before heading inside the studio building. I was led to where the shoot was taking place, and Chance was there, talking to someone who I assumed was one of the directors. He beckoned me over once he saw me, and I made my way over and greeted him.
"Cody, you're here. This is Mel Roman," Chance said, and I shook hands with the director. "Hello, I've heard so much about you. I'm quite a fan of you and your work," she said.
"Thank you very much," I said. I smiled, but she couldn't have seen from behind the face mask I was wearing. Hopefully she can still see me smile with my eyes…
"I'm honoured to have you here, really. My assistants will get you ready," she said to me before two women scurried into the room and greeted me, taking me into the dressing room. It was a modeling shoot for a high-end, expensive footwear company, and they dressed me in typical preppy men's fashion.
After they did my hair and makeup, they led me back to the set, and both Mel and the photographer were just finishing with the last model. Soon enough, it was my turn. I made my way to stand in front of the camera and finally got to smile for Mel. I'm so tired, I hope I'll be able to just go home after this is over.
"Alright, ready to begin, Cody Vale?" Mel asked me, and I nodded surely. "Of course," I said self-assuredly. I would give my all like I always did when it came to my work, even if I didn't exactly feel up to it.
"Okay. Let's start."
After the shoot was over, I felt relieved that I could just finally change and head back to my apartment to get some rest. It wasn't that I disliked my work now, but everything just seemed to pile on these days. I wanted nothing more than to get back home and settle down with a drink.
"Cody," Chance said as he approached me after I changed back into my clothes. "Great work today. I'd like to talk to you for a minute."
I raised my eyebrows. "Yeah? What is it?"
He looked around to make sure nobody could hear what he was about to say. "Listen, there's going to be a party at Jack Clayman's mansion tonight. You know him, don't you? He's a big-time world-renowned fashion designer," he said.
I nodded slowly. "Okay…"
"Plenty of models and celebrities are going to be there. If you can get Jack's attention and get him to notice you, it'll be a perfect opportunity for you to really get ahead in the industry. Convince him to get you to be a runway model for one of his shows. Only the best of the best get to model for Jack Clayman," he said.
I gave him a slightly puzzled look. "How am I supposed to convince him?"
Chance sighed and rolled his eyes. "I don't know, but do whatever it takes. Remember when you skipped out on that perfume ad back then? And I bought you your own apartment and a new phone. You owe me," is all he said as he began to walk away, pointing at me as if I was a child being lectured.
I closed my eyes and sighed deeply. And here I thought I would be able to head back to my apartment and just relax, now I have to go to some party and convince a rich fashion designer to put me in his fashion show? Man… The things I do for my career. Whatever, I hope there will at least be drinks there.
I headed home and reluctantly got ready for the party. I knew I had to make a good impression, so I chose to wear something nice. I decided on wearing a long-sleeved dress shirt and black dress pants, accessorizing with a silver necklace. It was a look appropriate for any kind of party, whether casual or formal.
I called for a ride there with a rideshare app. On the way there, I couldn't help but think about how I should approach this guy. I have no idea what he's like… All I know is that he's rich and famous, so I suppose I'm just going to have to butter him up. That's what those kinds of people like, right? I'm just gonna have to try and be smart about it.
Once my ride dropped me off, I looked up, to see the home was through a gate and up a hill. The mansion seemed like there was a party in full swing inside, and even a bit outside, as well.
I took a deep breath before I headed up the steps up the hill that lead to the entrance of the mansion. I opened the door and headed inside through the grand glass doors. Once I stepped inside and made my way through, I noticed how beautiful the mansion was, and how there were plenty of beautiful-looking people who were taller and more poised than me all around. I felt like a little duck in a pond full of swans.
I felt somewhat anxious being here alone, and basically being the only one wearing a face mask. I decided I needed to find some alcohol right fucking now. I took my mask off and excused myself as I walked through the crowd, making my way around the house to find the bar. Sure enough, it was in the room in the furthest part of the mansion.
I asked the bartender for a lemon drop, nervously leaning against the counter and tapping my fingers on the surface as it felt like hours until my drink finally came. I thanked the bartender before leaving a tip, taking a sip as I slowly strolled through the rooms to find Jack Clayman. I had only seen him from pictures I found online, and he had a very distinct face that one couldn't miss. He wasn't ugly, just a bit too wrinkly for my preference.
I barely made it one round around the first floor when I realized my glass was empty. I headed straight back to the bar for another, taking it with me before heading upstairs to the second floor. There were so many people on that floor too—it was definitely going to be a challenge to find him…
I made my way around before I recognized someone, it was Paula, one of the models I worked with before who I actually liked. She was polite and seemed genuinely nice. She looked my way and waved to me before making her way over. "Hey, Cody, right?" She asked and I smiled and nodded. "Yeah, and you're Paula, right?"
She nodded and smiled back. "Yeah, yeah! I remember you from that shoot from before… What was it…" She looked up in thought as she tried to remember.
"Labelcard," I reminded her and she smiled wider. "Yeah! Well, who are you here with?"
I looked down. "I'm… Here alone," I admitted. I wasn't ashamed of it, it just felt somewhat awkward to say out loud.
She widened her eyes. "Oh, really? Well, is there anyone that I can help you find?" She asked.
Bingo. I nodded. "Yeah, actually. Do you think you could help me find Jack Clayman?"
Paula looked at me worriedly. "Well… I do know someone who knows him," she said. "But nobody here actually gets to see him."
"Nobody sees him at his own party?"
She shook her head. "Nope. But if you really wanna see him, I could try and get someone to take you to him. But I'll warn you, I heard he turns away a lot of models looking to be in his shows."
I shook my head. "I'm not worried about that," I said. Everyone loved me for my looks, he couldn't possibly not want me to model for him. I haven't heard anybody say 'no' yet!
"Okay… Follow me," she said as she beckoned for me to come with her. She led me through the hallways, greeting some people around us as we walked. It made me feel somewhat self-conscious, everybody seemed to know everybody, while I felt like a nobody.
Finally, Paula seemed to find the person she was looking for in one of the rooms. She tapped on the shoulder of a well-dressed woman in a suit and whispered to her. The woman looked over at me as Paula continued whispering to her, and she looked me up and down in a somewhat condescending way. It made me feel even more self-conscious than I already did.
After they seemed to be finished talking, the woman beckoned me to follow her as she began to walk away. "Thank you," I said to Paula with a little smile before following the woman to wherever she was leading me.
As I followed the woman through the rooms and up the staircase to the next floor, she was completely silent. Maybe I should try making smalltalk… It's only polite to, right? She didn't really seem to like me very much, but she's still doing this for me, so I could at least be nice.
"Um… So how do you know Jack Clayman?" I asked as I continued to walk behind her.
She just seemed to ignore me as I gulped. Well, so much for that… Guess I should just keep my mouth shut for now.
The two of us continued to walk in silence until we made our way through a grand-looking hall, where it seemed to be much more quiet than the rest of the mansion. The sound of the music could still be heard, but it was much more faint.
At the end of the hall was a large door that seemed to be carved intricately. The sound of laughter and the clinking of ice and glass could be heard from outside as we stood in front of it. The woman knocked on the door before the laughter stopped.
"Who is it?" A raspy male voice called out from inside the room beyond the door.
"It's Gwen. I got someone who wants to see you," she responded. Oh, I guess her name is Gwen, I thought.
"Alright, come in," the voice said. Gwen opened the door and led me inside as I looked around. It was an incredibly spacious bedroom fit for royalty; gold and red drapes adorned on the large windows and above the king-sized bed, a beautiful ceiling mural painted above, shiny floors of marble… And on the fancy studded loveseat was Jack Clayman in the flesh, wearing a red silk robe as he had a glass of what I assumed to be bourbon on the rocks in his hand. He had four beautiful women seated around him. All of them looked my way, studying me as I gulped.
"Who's this, my dear niece?" Jack asked Gwen, making me widen my eyes. She's his niece? I guess that's their connection…
"The kid wanted to talk to you 'bout something," she said, her voice completely flat and monotone as if I was just another fish to fry. It did make me feel somewhat offended, I knew that my beauty was special.
Jack swirled the ice in his glass before taking a sip. "Another one, huh?" He asked after he finished. "Alright, thanks. You can leave him with me, then."
Gwen swiftly bowed before leaving the room, closing the door behind her as I was left with Jack and his groupies. I smiled at him, trying to turn on the charm. "It's an honour to meet you, Mr. Clayman. I've heard so much about you."
He nodded, as if he had heard this before. "I know," is all he said before putting down his drink on the glass table in front of him. He reached for the small box on the table, opening it up to pull out a cigar. "What do you need, kid?"
'Kid…' I'm getting tired of hearing that now, I thought to myself in frustration. It's like these people don't take me seriously. But I only continued to smile, keeping my cool. "You know, I'm a really big fan of your designs and your shows," I said, trying to lay it on thick for him. "It would be an absolute dream come true to model in one of your runway shows."
Jack pulled out an expensive-looking lighter from one of the pockets in his robe before lighting up his cigar, bringing it to his lips. Once it was lit, he put the lighter away and took a hit from the cigar before blowing smoke from his lips. "What's your name?"
"Cody Vale, sir."
He observed me, inspecting me with his eyes as if this was a physical examination. "Cody Vale… Yeah, I think I've heard of you."
I widened my eyes in surprise. "You have?"
He nodded, taking a hit from his cigar again. "Yeah, the viral androgynous catalog model who models all kinds of clothes for all kinds of genders," he said in a tone that indicated he wasn't really all that impressed. "Well, you're not really what I'm looking for. Sorry."
I felt myself freeze up. What…? He's turning me down even though I'm over here trying to gas him up so I can be in one of his shows…? Why?
He chuckled, as if he was reading my thoughts. "I know your type. You're one of those pretty Posty models who has never heard 'no' whenever you want something," he said, making some of the women around him snicker. "Let me tell you something, kid… There are hundreds, if not thousands of models; male, female, non-binary, who do the exact same things you do, and are better —not just in physical appearance, but know how to carry themselves, and know who they are and own it. You still seem like you don't know who you are or what you really want."
I looked down in defeat, as I knew he was right. He sighed deeply. "Nothing about you stands out to me. So what, you're androgynous. You can't just get by being a model with only a pretty face. Besides, you're much too short, much too young-looking, and not nearly skinny enough for what I'm looking for in models for my shows," he said, looking me down and back up before shaking his head. "You're still just a naive little boy. I wish you much good luck with your career, though. But you're just not fit for my lineup."
I felt like my ego shattered into pieces hearing him tell me all that. My fist was clenching hard, but I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Breathe, Cody… Breathe, I told myself before relaxing and opening my eyes with a smile. "I see. Well… Thank you for your time anyway, Mr. Clayman. I at least appreciate you hearing me out." I turned before leaving the room, shutting the door behind me.
What am I going to do now? I asked myself as I ran a hand through my hair with a sigh. I promised Chance that I would get into one of Jack's shows, and instead I got a lecture about how I'm not special at all… Is that really true? Am I really just some kid who thinks he's more than he actually is? Man, Chance is going to kill me.
I took a deep breath. Okay… I need to figure out what I'm going to do about all this… But first, I'm going to need another trip to the bar.
After getting a bit lost on my way back to the stairs, I walked downstairs and thoroughly searched to find the bar. I saw that there was a bar on this floor earlier while I was with Paula, and made a mental note, so that was my target location.
I ordered a shot of tequila, needing something to both drown out the anger and sadness, and to possibly give me an idea as to what I should do.
So humiliating… I can't believe I got turned down to star in that fashion show! Jack Clayman basically told me that I'm not shit. I deserve to be in that show! Sure, I've never actually seen one of his shows, but still… Nobody's ever told me that they didn't want me to model for them.
The bartender served me my shot before I picked it up, leaning my head back as I downed it in one gulp. After I finished, I sighed before I signaled the bartender for another.
Whew, that went down nicely, I thought, feeling it tingle in my throat. Chance is going to seriously be pissed… I can't let him down after everything he's done for me. Plus, this is apparently huge—I can't just let this opportunity slip away from me. I deserve it. I could become an even bigger star!
The bartender served me another shot as I downed that one as well, signalling for another one as I continued to think.
What does Jack Clayman know? I've got plenty of fans and have heard nothing but praise! I'm perfect exactly the way I am. I don't have time for people who don't see me the way I see myself. They're stupid, and obviously blind. My beauty is ethereal.
The bartender served me another shot, and I quickly took it before slamming the glass down against the counter. "Another one, please…"
Still, I need to figure out how to get into that show, I have to. What is there that I can do?
I kept ordering and downing shots as I continued to brainstorm as to how I'd be able to convince Jack Clayman to get me to model for one of his shows. Bribe him? No, he's already got millions, I'm sure. Offer to be his personal assistant for a year? No, no… Ugh, maybe I should just go back there and give him a passionate speech about why I belong on his runway, and why I deserve more. Hopefully these shots will give me liquid courage to really blow him away.
I continued to drink, feeling the alcohol beginning to kick in. Fuck, am I really just not that good enough? Miles thought I was perfect… That was all I cared about—He was all I cared about. Miles… You loved me so good, Miles… It's been over a year since I last saw you, since I last touched you… My broken heart could never be replaced.
I could feel my eyes beginning to water, a tear leaving my eye as it rolled down my face into my glass, mixing with the liquor in my glass.
I threw it back, downing it to drown my sadness in the sweet numbing substance that was tequila.
After I had a few more shots to get me feeling numb to the point of feeling like I could do anything, I was ready to get back to Jack Clayman and express that I need to be in his show, and I won't take 'no' for an answer. Maybe I was way too many shots in to be making a decision like this, but I didn't care at that point.
It took a bit of a while to find my way back to the master bedroom. I was drunk and forgot my way there since earlier, but I eventually ended up finding it. As I stood in front of that familiar grand door, I took a moment to go over in my head what I was going to do. Okay, so I storm in there and dramatically point at Jack Clayman, and tell him that he's making a huge mistake turning me down! I'm Cody Vale, and I'm a beautiful model who deserves to be in his show and showcase my beauty and talents! I worked so hard to get to where I am, and I'll work even harder to become one of the best models in the entire world!
After a few seconds, I had already forgotten what I was going to say. Ah, fuck it. I'll just bust in there and do my fucking thing! I tried to kick the door open, but of course, it didn't open. I shook my head and just decided to just aggressively storm right in, making Jack and his groupies go silent as they looked at me. "Did you just try to kick the door open?"
"Yeah, maybe. Whatever. What are you gonna do about it?" I tried to say as aggressively as I could, but maybe I just looked like a fucking joke. I didn't care, I felt like I was a fucking superhero. Okay… Calm down, I told myself before clearing my throat, remembering to try and be as professional as I could. "Anyway… I came back to tell you, Jack Clayman… You are making a huge mistake by turning me down as a model for you!"
He scoffed before he gave me a look that seemed annoyed, yet interested in what I had to say. "You look like you had a few too many drinks, kid."
"Whatever, I know what I want to say, and I want you to listen," I said, feeling somewhat grounded for a moment. "I may be a little privileged, I can admit that. Maybe people might think I'm so lucky, but I work as hard as everyone else!"
"I already told you, you're just not what I'm looking for at the moment," Jack said, as if he was dead set on it. "You can't be everyone's aesthetic, buddy. That's the truth. Not everyone's gonna love you, and that's just how life works. You're good for those little Posty pictures you do, but not for my shows. Now leave, before I call security."
Fuck, I can't get kicked out by security… It'll look terrible, who knows what would happen if I cause a scene. Shit, I shouldn't have drank so much, I know my limits! Okay, I guess I have no choice…
"Okay, can I please be in your show? Just one?" I begged as my last resort. "I really need this, my manager has done so much for me my whole career so far and if I don't get to model in one of your shows, I'm really going to let him down. So please, pretty please?"
Jack seemed even more interested now. "You really need this, huh? Just one show of mine? What can you do for me?"
I smiled. "Anything you need. I just ask for one show. I'll do whatever you want, as long as I'm able to do it!"
Jack took a moment to think, rubbing his chin. "Alright," he said, making me widen my eyes. He looked around at the women around him. "Girls, go enjoy yourself at the party. I'm going to talk to the kid."
The women seemed to be slightly annoyed, but left the bedroom and closed the door behind them, leaving Jack and I alone. Damn, is it something serious? I wondered.
Jack took the bottle of liquor on the table and filled his glass before putting it back down. He took a long sip before sighing, putting the glass down. He stood up. "So, you'll do anything for me to let you model in one of my shows?" He asked as he slowly began to walk towards me.
I nodded. "Yes, anything that I'm able to do. Even if it's something I'm not very good at, I can still try."
He smirked, something about it made me feel somewhat uncomfortable. He was close to me. "You know, you really are a pretty thing. Maybe too pretty for my taste," he said lowly with a somewhat sinister chuckle. He brought a hand up to stroke my cheek, making me slightly flinch. "But it's always a little nice to treat myself to something pretty once in a while."
At that moment, I swear he became incredibly ugly to me. He doesn't respect me as a model… He just sees me as some object beneath him! The fucking nerve of this guy, what a disgusting prick! He's not even the slightest bit attractive to be acting like that!
"See the picture here, kid? You let me use you, and I get to use you. Simple as that, sound fair?"
I gulped. I don't know if it was because of the alcohol, but Jack Clayman looked as ugly as a scary fucking troll. I knew that I was too drunk for this. I told myself that I should have some self-respect and run away, but I just laughed. "All I'm fucking good for, huh?"
Jack withdrew his hand. "Don't be like that. Think of it as a little business deal," he said with a chuckle. "That's just how the industry works. Can't be good enough for something, but you can give a bit of something else to make up for it."
I was in disbelief. He probably does this kind of shit often with other models who want to be in his shows. What a fucking scumbag.
"It's up to you. You need to be in my show, don't you?" He mockingly said with a pout before laughing. "You've got a lot of young fans already, don't you? You'll be thanking me once you're a household name."
I closed my eyes and sighed, remembering Chance's words to me. Do whatever it takes. I wondered if this was immoral, to sleep my way to the top. But I was too drunk to think about it, I just had to seize the opportunity while I could.
"Okay," I said quietly with a little nod. "I'll do it."
He smiled wickedly, taking my wrist as I softly gasped. "That's a good boy. You're going to make me feel so good, aren't you?" He asked, slipping my hand inside his robe to make me touch his hairy chest. I sighed and simply let him do whatever he wanted me to do. Okay, It's no different from another hookup, right? No need to feel so tense, I just have to relax…
He continued to smile as he watched my expression. "Smile, kid. You're gonna make your manager happy," he made me grab at his chest as he softly groaned. "You're gonna make me really happy, too."
I sighed again, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. Let's just get this over with…
"Let's go over to the bed," he said, bringing me over to the large bed. He laid down and undid his robe, revealing that he was completely nude underneath. He had kind of a small dick, uncut and a bit fat, maybe around five inches. He had small balls, and seemed to be free from any pubic hair. "Come show me what that mouth of yours can do."
Man… I really don't want to do this, but I guess I'll just do my best to please him. I'm good at sex, sure—but I'm not attracted to this guy at all. It's no fun when it's with someone who I don't like.
I climbed over his legs before getting into a comfortable position, then gathered saliva in my mouth before spitting into my hand. I grabbed his flaccid cock and began to stroke the shaft with my wet hand, pulling the foreskin back. I stuck my tongue out to lick the head, making him gently groan.
I looked up at him, playing with the exposed head with my tongue and my lips as I continued to jerk him slowly. I could feel him beginning to get hard the more I pleased him.
I kept eye contact with him as I parted my lips and brought them around his dick, slowly taking him into my mouth. He smirked, placing a hand on top of my head. "You seem to be experienced, hmm? You've probably sucked a ton of dicks to get to where you are now."
I only hummed in response as I continued to jerk him while moving my mouth up and down from the tip to the end of my hand over and over again. No, I've worked hard to get where I am, people love me and my beauty. You're just the exception, you sleazy asshole.
He kept letting out sighs as he rubbed my head while I kept sucking and jerking him off. He was fully hard now, but I wasn't hard at all. I guess it was because of the alcohol and the fact that I didn't feel the slightest bit attracted to Jack, it made this almost feel like a chore. I mean, would I rather be doing this or trimming the hedges in his yard?
"Mmm, faster now," he grunted, gripping my small ponytail as he controlled my head, making me let go of his cock to let him use me for his own pleasure. If he wanted me to deepthroat him, so be it. He moved me up and down his length at a quicker pace, feeling his cock fully in my mouth as I exaggerated a gag.
He chuckled. "You're making me feel really good, Cody," he said as I continued to try to please him as much as I could, sucking him off good while he used me like a fleshlight, fucking my mouth.
Soon, he moved my mouth off of him as I popped off him with a pop. "Take all of your clothes off, then get on your hands and knees and face the other way," he instructed as he sat up. I nodded before getting up, feeling a bit woozy as I quickly took my clothes off of me. Once I was fully naked, I climbed back onto the bed and got into the position he wanted me in.
"You don't seem so excited," Jack pointed out with a soft chuckle. "Liven up. If you don't cum by the end of this, then no show for you, got it?"
Are you kidding me!? Not only do I have to have sex with him, I have to have an orgasm, too? I just sighed to myself. "Yes, sir."
I heard the sound of a drawer opening before I looked over and saw Jack getting lube out of the nightstand drawer. He flipped open the cap before squirting some into his hand. After he closed the bottle and tossed it away, he jerked himself with the lube as he stared at me. "Hmph. You may not be as skinny as I like my models, but you've still got a sexy body. You have a nice, perky little ass," he said in a low voice before pressing his cock against my hole. "Yeah, you know what? You look real cute, drunk out and submissive under the dimmed lights like this."
He only sees me when I'm beneath him, when he can control me and see me so vulnerable. He began to push himself inside me with a grunt as I slightly gasped at the penetration. It was nothing. I've taken bigger, better dicks. I've even had good dicks that weren't even that long—the owner just knew how to utilize it. But Jack was in no position to tell me I'm not special when his own dick wasn't so special either…
Jack buried the entirety of himself inside me, and I decided to play up a moan for him as he laughed. "No doubt someone like you was made to be used. You definitely had plenty of sexual favours to perform to get the fame," he said before he began to move, pulling his hips back before shoving himself forward as I let out another fake moan.
He continued to move, repeating the same action over and over as he thrusted back and forth within me. I noticed that I still wasn't hard, and it was beginning to make me worry. He told me that I have to cum or else I won't be able to be in his show, right? I guess I'm really going to have to go to extreme measures.
I closed my eyes and began to fantasize of a better time—a time when I had passionate, loving sex with someone I loved. A time when Miles and I were still together.
I'm on my hands and knees on Miles' bed, nothing but the bedside lamp on as I'm wearing nothing but a pretty pleated skirt and white thigh-high stockings. I turn back to look at the handsome man behind me as I smile. "I'm ready for you, Daddy," I playfully say.
Miles smiles back at me before he gets into position, placing his hands on my hips, his lubed-up cock slightly pressing against my entrance. "I love how fuckin' cute ya look, pretty boy. Mmm, you're so perfect for Daddy," he softly says in a low voice, making me blush.
He begins to penetrate me with his big cock, making me close my eyes and moan out loud the more he slowly fills me. No matter how many times he fucks me… I always love his giant dick so much, I thought.
I felt my dick starting to grow erect as Jack continued fucking me, gripping my hips harder. "Fuck, it's so good. Isn't it, kid?"
"Yes, sir," I answered, forgetting for a moment that I was still getting fucked by Jack. When I close my eyes, I'm with Miles again…
He chuckled again. "Hey, why don't you call me 'Daddy,' huh? Yeah, I think I'd like that," he said as he kept thrusting into me.
I felt my heart ache at the thought of calling someone other than Miles as Daddy. That was reserved for him—I didn't even call my own father that. I didn't want to taint the pet name for him that was special to me. It felt wrong.
But I sighed, knowing I would just have to do whatever Jack wanted until this was over. "Okay, Daddy," I responded. Saying it out loud to Jack broke a piece of me on the inside.
He laughed as he kept fucking me. "Good, good."
I closed my eyes and went back to my fantasy. Even though Miles' dick was much bigger than Jack's, I still tried to imagine it was really Miles behind me instead.
His grip on me is strong as he keeps rocking his hips back and forth, making me moan and pant at each thrust into my boy cunt. "Fuck, you're so beautiful," Miles breathily says, sweat dripping from his forehead as he keeps fucking me. "My pretty boy, you're so goddamn beautiful."
I keep moving myself back against each thrust to get him deeper in me until he hits my prostate, making me let out a loud whine. "I-I love your cock, Daddy… I want to be your pretty boy forever and ever!"
Miles sighs deeply, fucking into my prostate over and over again as my eyes begin to tear up. "That makes me so happy, Cody… I wanna make love to ya like this every day," he says, his voice becoming higher pitched and more desperate. "Oh fuck, I'm gonna cum inside ya… I'm gonna cum so deep inside ya…!"
"Fuck, I'm gonna cum inside you," Jack muttered, his thrusts beginning to get sloppy and rushed as he used a hand to grip onto my ponytail. My cock was so hard, as I was ready to burst soon as well.
"Daddy!" I called out as I imagined Miles getting lost in his orgasm, his cock exploding with his load as he filled me up good, all the while it was really Jack cumming in me. My own cock burst as well, spilling semen onto the bed.
Jack pulled out, inspecting my hole with a hum as I caught my breath. "Lovely," he said, spreading me open with his thumbs. "Gotta say, you make a good cumdump."
I felt my eyes sting with tears, the guilt of fucking Jack and the grief of no longer being with Miles overwhelming me as I began to cry.
"Don't cry, kid. You're going to be in a Jack Clayman fashion show!" He said as he began to tie his robe. "Now, get dressed and get out of here. I want to be alone now, I'm tired."
I wiped my tears with my arms before climbing off the bed, dressing myself back up in my clothes. I was a little bit more sobered up by then, and I couldn't help but feel so dirty. I felt like shit, I just wanted to go home and cry.
After I was fully dressed, Jack shooed me out of his room. "Get going, kid."
"Um… So I'll get to be in one of your shows, right?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'll see which one I can put you in and my people will be in touch with your manager. Now get out."
I nodded. "Thank you," I quietly said before leaving his room, closing the door behind me. As I stood in the empty hallway, I felt so sick. I got the spot, but at what cost? Is my purpose in life truly just to be used? Am I nothing more than that—a talentless slut, good for nothing but a good time?
I ran over to the nearest plant and bent over to vomit into the plant pot before falling to my knees and crying. I'm a fucking mess. I've been a mess… And there's no one to blame but myself. I really cheated my way in the industry by letting Jack Clayman use my body. I'm a terrible person.
I looked at my reflection in the shiny floor tile, and even though I still looked the same as always, for the first time in my life, I felt so ugly.
Who could ever truly love me?