So, I interviewed for the permanent position and found out that I don't know how to interview well. In most contract positions, I endure a phone call with the details. I send a couple of emails back and forth, and then I have a job.
Well, I was sitting and waiting for my interview with several other interviewees and Big Baby.
He was having some anxiety issues in the morning, and I didn't want to leave him alone, but they couldn't reschedule. I thought they would toss me out as soon as they saw Big Baby and me, but he is too adorable, and they were okay with his presence.
As for the interview itself, they ask specific questions and seek certain answers, like, "explain your life up until this point." When I answered the question, I explained why that question had nothing to do with the job I was seeking.
I then spilled half a cup of coffee on myself while trying to take a sip. Big Baby did help out by drooling all over the interviewer's shoes. She said it was okay, but her face didn't look okay.
Needless to say, I have not heard back. I'm pretty sure I had no chance. I feel discouraged, but I also decided to read a book on how to interview.
After the interview, Big Baby and I went to meet up with Debbie. We went to a different coffee shop, this time. It was another mom-and-pop coffee shop that allowed furry companions and had special drinks for them. We sat outside at a wooden chair and table set. We ordered our drinks and the waitress brought them out to us. It was warm out, so I had a chilled coffee. Debbie grabbed something with fruit and ice.
We, of course, we're talking about Jose and developments in my life with trying to show more long-term commitment.
"Well, that interview was a bust," I said
"Did you take your dog?"
"Yes, he was feeling anxious this morning and sometimes destroys everything during one of his anxiety attacks."
"Your dog has anxiety?"
"I think so, but that isn't the point of this talk. Point is I ruined the interview and have nothing to show."
"Well, why don't you sign up for some classes and get a job at the university doing office stuff. There are plenty of work-study jobs open. Have you ever wanted to go to university?
"Not really. Maybe something for business, but I would have to get into the university, and it has been a while since I went to school."
"Well, hmmm. I know. You can start at the community college," Debbie said.
"I don't think Jose will think doing this means anything."
"Why do you say that?"
"I just have doubt," I said.
"Come on, you need to be that fun, positive quirky girl."
"I haven't been that character much since coming here."
"Well, maybe that is cause you're changing. You are accepting that people will get to know the real you. Don't worry about people not liking you after they get to know you. You have become such a good friend to me. I know a lot about you, and I like you," Debbie said. She gave me an encouraging smile.
"I know," I said.
Debbie was trying to be nice; I had finally told her about my first boyfriend in detail. She told me that she really feels he is the reason I've been serial dating.
I don't want to blame him, though. It was my own idea to start this cross country living and dating. I've had a good time with it. It is just recently, I have wanted more.
The next day, I went to the university to talk to a counselor about starting at the community college and then transferring to the university. It was a good meeting. I found out it wouldn't be too hard. I just need to keep my grades high.
But of course, I ran into Jose there. The break is over, and the students are back. I decided to get a coffee at the Starbucks on campus, and Jose was sitting there studying. He looked good, he was in his suit for work, it was a dark blue, and he had a simple red tie.
He looked so good just sitting there. So instead of walking away, like I should have, I went ahead and walked over to him. Trust me when I say I should have just walked away.
I walked up to him slowly and tapped his shoulder.
"Oh hey," he said.
The last time I had seen him, he was telling me we could never be together. Why did I think a few inquiries into a degree would change that.
"So, what are you up to on campus?" he asked.
"Talking to a counselor about starting a degree at community and transferring to University," I said proudly.
"That's odd. I figured you would be concentrated on leaving Ryan for a new relationship soon. I thought we would be saying bye soon."
"First, Ryan dumped my ass after we slept together. And second, things in my life are kind of changing. "
"I guess that is good for you."
"Thanks, I guess," I said. I could feel myself huff.
"Look, I am just studying here for a test, and I don't need your drama right now."
"Yes, that seems to be one thing you bring with you, often."
"Sorry, I guess."
"You should be. You've taken up enough of my time. I got everything I needed for my story, anyway."
"You should go grab a university newspaper and look over at page 7. I needed a good story to run, and to be honest, your story seemed like a good one for the national journalism competition."
"Wait, I was just some newspaper article to you?"
"Why else did you think I sought you out. You're cute and all, but honestly, I needed a good story, and government corruption is overdone."
I didn't know what to say after that. That wasn't the typical Jose I am used to. He isn't so mean, at least I thought so. It was strange in general the way he was acting. He was quick worded and a bit jumpy when I tapped his shoulder.
There was something definitely going on with him. Maybe I just need to leave him alone from now on.
I am confused about everything now. I saw the news article.
At first, I was furious about the whole thing. But then I read the article. There was nothing mean about me in it. Instead, I am misunderstood, smart, and alone. I am seeking to replace something missing from my childhood, one guy at a time.
If he had asked me more about my first boyfriend, maybe he would also understand that it isn't something from my childhood that is missing.
Debbie has actually been an excellent therapist. She should major in that, maybe she has, and that is why she is so good. Talking to her makes me realize many things about growing up and how after James, my first boyfriend, I really had an odd and wrong realization about love and relationships. I am still unsure if being with one person forever can work, but after reading the article, I still want Jose.
I asked Debbie to try and have another run-in with Jose. I want to see if she can understand why he was so mean to me that day. I still haven't heard back from her, so for right now notebook I write in, I have nothing left to say.