"I would advise you all to put on the hazmat suits. Just kidding; it's mandatory."

The two men and women obeyed, and in about five minutes all were suited up. Even the scientist himself was sporting a nice green color to distinguish himself from the rest.

"I must warn you." The scientist spoke again. "The room you are about to enter is unlike any other in the entire world. It is, as we speak, the only known place in existence where..."

"I think we all remember," the red-haired man finished, looking around the lab. He had already heard this ten times. "Some kooky stuff happens in there, right? Stuff that doesn't make sense, or that shouldn't happen in real life, right?"

"Real life as we know it, man; as we know it being the important bit. It's very hard to explain, but try to imagine... well... yes, quite hard to explain. Which is why all of us are going in to see for ourselves. An honor, I should say."

"I don't feel good about this." It was the short, blonde woman who spoke.

"Again, we're wearing hazmat suits; the only known protection for our bodies against whatever strange dangers assail us. Don't worry... too much," the scientist said to comfort her. "Are we all ready?"

"Ready," said the red-haired man.

"This is gonna be weird," the taller, black-haired woman spoke.

"I'm game. Sounds like fun," the huge, muscular man said.

"Um... ngh... alright." The blonde woman was not feeling any better.

"Excellent." The scientist turned to two of his assistants and gave them a thumbs-up. At this supposed cue, one rushed over to a corner of the lab, picked up a large container by the handle, and rushed back to hand it to his superior. The other one simply walked over to a complicated-looking console and pressed a precise series of inputs.

The door to the room of S.C.A.E. opened. Five faces lit up in awe, shock, wonder, preparedness, and best of all, terror.

And then they all went inside.

"This is a total rip-off!"

"Yeah, it's just a boringly empty room!"

The scientist calmed all four complainers down. "So it is. But I guarantee it will entertain you with some very hilarious and fascinating things."

"I fail to see it," the red-haired man grumbled. "How does anything go on in this room that doesn't conform to real life?"

"Wait. I can't move." It was the black-haired woman. Everyone looked at her, and indeed, she wasn't moving. At all.

"Aha!" The scientist lit up. "Perhaps you've offered me a good explanation for what goes on here at last!"

"You get glued to the floor?"

"Well, not directly. The better way to put it is, 'just because something happens doesn't mean it happens.'"

"What?"

"Well, she was just complaining she couldn't move. I assume you were trying to walk?"

"Yeah," she responded.

"But just because she was walking doesn't mean she was walking," the scientist emphasized.

"I think I get it, actually."

"Wait, what? What does 'Pepitas in mimibitas' mean?" the blonde lady said.

"Ah, another example. Just because she heard me doesn't mean she heard me. Or at least correctly. Here, let me show you something." Holding up a hand (except really not) for attention he already had, He opened the container he had brought in. It didn't open. He opened it again. It didn't open.

"Rats. I should've this coming. Just because I opened it..."

"Doesn't mean it opened," the muscular guy finished for him, except he didn't, although everyone heard him, although they didn't.

"Doesn't mean it opened," the scientist finished, which everyone heard. "Well, I was going to bring something out of the container to prove my point about the radical inconsistencies of this place, but my success and subsequent failure proves my point by itself, I think."

"No, it doesn't."

"CRUD! I COMPLETELY FORGOT! SON OF A-"

"You were right. This is really hilarious."

"Is it really, though?"

"I think we can say for sure this time that it is."

"Yeah, you're probably right. Except... are you?"

"What the heck is going on this crazy joint..."

"Nothing. Most of the time. At least, I'm pretty sure."

"Aha!" the scientist exclaimed. "I finally got the container to open. Here, watch this."

"I'll try. The last few times I tried seeing something, I didn't see it."

The scientist pulled out a gun among the items he brought, except he didn't. He brought it out again, and proceeded to point it at the wall, which wasn't a wall, but really a large strip of neon blue Astroturf, except it wasn't, to the relief of the muscular man, who had a great fear of it. (He did.)

"Now!"

He cocked the gun, saving only that he didn't cock the gun. He cocked and fired. The bullet whizzed towards the wall, only it didn't. There was a loud BANG! that everyone heard, except only half of them did, because there was no BANG!, excepting the fact that there was. The bullet that wasn't headed straight for the wall headed straight for it, hit it, didn't, traveled clean through it to the other side (there wasn't one,) and left scorch marks all around the entry point, which no one saw, because no one was there.

Now they were there.

"Did you see that? DID YOU SEE IT?" the scientist didn't repeat.

"No."

"NEITHER DID I! THAT'S WHY IT WAS INCREDIBLE! WHOOPEE!" The scientist didn't jump for joy, putting the gun back in the container, which he didn't. "This is going to open up so many possibilities for scientists to explore! In fact, science itself may not even be the big picture here! Life itself could be drastically altered! Think about it!"

"I can't. Literally."

"I have a question. The hazmat suits are supposed to protect us from things not happening. Why is it, then, that when we speak sometimes, we don't?"

"They only protect our bodies; our voices aren't a part of that. They're not physical. Hazmat suits protect physical things."

"Except... why would they?"

There was silence for the next three minutes while everyone tried to talk. The red-haired man, at last, broke through, except he didn't. The blonde woman actually broke through first.

"I don't know... because they're hazmat suits?"

No one tried to speak for the next three minutes.

"Well, I'm done with this freak house – room. This is crazy stuff. I wanna go."

"Yes, I think we are done here," the scientist said nicely. He picked up the container, which he didn't, picked it up, which he didn't, picked it up, walked over to where the door was –

"You fool," he said to himself. "You old, stupid, stupid fool."

Only the black-haired woman heard him. "What's wrong?" she didn't say.

The scientist slowly turned to face his four companions somberly, except he didn't. He sighed.

"Just because there's a door... doesn't mean there's a door."

THE END. (except it isn't, except it is.)