"But..." Clover began to argue as I shooed them out into the corridor.
Once I was free of the company of the cretins, I sat down on my bed and began to read my personal file.
"Gretchen's case is an unusual one. Usually, chickens instincts tell them to be gentle, placid creatures who mean no one any harm. These instincts seem to be not quite as strong in Gretchen's case. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that she lacks them completely! Not only did she burn down various buildings on the farm she lived on, orderlies have recently seen her cackling madly and plotting what they think may be world domination.
Damn! I knew someone would notice that!
I personally don't think anything can be done for this unfortunate chicken. She remains hostile and unreceptive to treatment and refuses to take part in many of the group activities. I fear she may be here for quite a while."
"Tell me something I don't know, Doc." I muttered.
"Oh, Gretchen!" called out one of the orderlies in a singsong voice, as she poked her head around the door.
I hastily shoved the file under my pillow.
"We were all wondering why you weren't out in the lounge for group bonding time. We're having a happy circle!" she happily.
I barely repressed a shudder. A happy circle!
I think she sensed my disgust because she happily told me that if I wanted to join in, I should just come to the lounge and then skipped out.
"Well, someone had just a few to many mood changing drugs when they were younger." I muttered to myself.
Well, I couldn't risk another overly exited orderly barging in and finding the files. Much to my disgust, I would have to take them back.
After I had broken into Dr Twoodle's office and replaced the file, I went back to my room (cell) so I could think up my incredibly fabulous plan to escape.
As I sat on my bed (which I suspect is made of tightly woven Popsicle sticks) a brilliant plan began to form in my mind, bit by bit.
Of course, all of my plans are absolutely fabulous anyway, except perhaps for when I burnt down the farm and got myself stuck here. Maybe even that time I decided to escape by flinging myself out of a window using a pitchfork and a strategically placed bag of flour, only to find that the window was closed. And perhaps even the time...
Okay! I admit it! Most of my ideas suck!
But this one doesn't! No, no! My brilliant plan for escaping was both cunning and devious (even though they mean the same thing) and could have only been thought of by a criminal mastermind, aka ME!
It turned out that I might need those tea cosies and Popsicle people after all.
I told the others about my marvellous plan that night at dinner.
"So you see, we shall need as many Popsicle people, tea cosies, leaf blowers and other pointless and noisy garden equipment as we can get."
Fortunately, it turned out that Hubert had gone through a stage where he thought he was a gardener so the gardening equipment was not hard to find. And as for the tea cosies and Popsicle people, Edmund and Clover had stacks of them.
"So what shall I do to help?" whined Beatrice, the only member of the group who hadn't contributed.
"We'll need to use you to distract the orderlies." I told her.
This seemed to satisfy her.
Having nothing else to do, I sent everyone to go and get whatever we might need and told them to meet me back in my room in 15 minutes.
While they were all getting their various things, I went back to my room and got out my most prized possession, my flamethrower!
I lifted it out of its case and decided to give it a test run to see if it still worked.
Unfortunately, while doing this, I set fire to Beatrice's bed which then exploded into a giant fireball.
"Oops"
Oh well, if she asked I could just tell her that some evil fire-breathing mosquitoes attacked it.
Just at that moment, in rushed Hubert with the largest range of pointless and noisy garden equipment I have ever seen, closely followed by Edmund and Clover who were carrying four boxes each, all filled to the brim with tea cosies and Popsicle people.
After a few minutes, Beatrice ambled in as well, seemingly unaware of the fact that we were all waiting for her.
"What happened to my bed?!" she yelped
"It was attacked by some evil fire breathing mosquitoes." I told her, praying that she'd buy it.
"Oh. Well, we'll have to ask for some more bug repellent."
Obviously when God was handing out the brains, Beatrice thought that he meant milkshakes and asked for a thick one.
"Yeah, those fire-breathing mossies are killers" Clover said, looking at me with an eyebrow raised.
"So, when will this wonderful plan be put into action?" asked Edmund
"Next Wednesday, while all of the doctors and orderlies are having their weekly trivia night. We'll wait until they're all engrossed in Trivial Pursuit, and once they've forgotten about us, we strike!
'Beatrice, you will be positioned out the front of the staff lounge, in case some of the orderlies somehow grow a brain and figure out that we're up to something. Hubert, you'll be in the rec room with the gardening equipment, ready to stun while Clover and Edmund will be positioned at both of the main exits armed with tea cosies and Popsicle people. Show no mercy! No matter what grotesque fate awaits the orderlies to be inflicted using Popsicle people and tea cosies, do what must be done!"
My speech seemed to have a good effect on the others. Edmund was holding his trotters high, Clover had a new spark in her eye, Beatrice was rubbing her hooves together in anticipation and Hubert was looking somewhat less dazed than usual!
"And where will you be?" asked Hubert, who was in one of his more sane moods.
"I will be on the roof with my flamethrower held high! No one will get past me! NO ONE! MWA HA HA! MWA HA HA HA HA HA... alright, I'm done now." I had recovered from my fit of maniacal laughter.
The next few days crawled by at about the speed of something that is incredibly slow.
The time until Wednesday seemed endless!