~~Not What You Need~~

You don't have to feel guilty
anymore,
you don't have to apologize
for what I did wrong.
You don't have to hang aroung
anymore,
you don't have to wait
for me like you have for so long--
I don't want to waste
you precious time anymore.
I'm not coming or going anywhere,
I'm through trying to prove anything
but
nothing at all.
I know it's always something
I did wrong in the end,
and how you value your
time alone.

So I'm gone,
I'm out of here
for the last time this time--
I swear,
it's no lie this time.
Turn away,
I'll break if you look at me--
No more
denying,
I'm not what you need.

How many times must you insist
on pretending,
how long will you ignore
that I always let you down?
I don't want to make you laugh
anymore,
I don't want to lie to you--
don't want the guilt that comes when
I make you smile
anymore.
I'm not making any decisions just yet,
I'm not saying yes or no
except to deny
I haven't made up my
mind.
I haven't forgotten
how you always react to
my confusion,
how you always want
to be there.

Oh I'm gone,
I'm out of here
for the last time this time--
I swear,
I don't lie this time.
Go away,
I'll break if you speak to me--
I'm through
denying,
I'm not what you need.

I think it's better like this,
at least I don't have to hear you
cry now.
I like it better like this this,
I don't have to pretend
I'm not the one breaking your heart.
You'll see the improvement
I promise,
you'll understand someday
I swear--
It's just more than I can handle,
you have too fragile a heart
for someone like me.
Maybe if you look really hard
you might find me,
maybe I'll be fumbling in the dark
for the right thing to say.
It's not that I ever meant to hurt you,
but I'm no good at fixing things
when your world falls apart.

You don't have to hang around
anymore,
you don't have to wait
for me like you have for so long--
I don't want to waste
your precious time anymore.

I'm so gone,
now I'm out of here
for the last time this time--
I swear,
I won't lie this time.
Get away,
I'll break if you touch me--
I can't keep
denying,
I'm not what you need.

Just get away,
I want you to leave me--
I'm sick of
denying,
I'm not what you need.

Please stay away,
please just forget me--
I wish I could change
that. . .
I'm not what you need.

~(c)2001 The Mad Poet (A.K. LaBelle)