~~The Heart that Hides~~

It's been a difficult transition,
and I'm glad we pulled it through--
Looking back I just can't see how
I ever lasted
without you.
But something still and always
burns at me,
when you hold me close and cry--
I know that I can name the feeling,
but I'm afraid and I
know why.
It's like a lost and weeping
wingless angel,
it's like a day without
a dream;
feel like a knight
who's lost his code of honor,
or the wind that can't
get free.
It tears me up and breaks me down again,
to know I dare not speak my mind
knowing you cannot see past
my face
to the heart that hides behind.

So I smile and I nod like it's easy,
I act and I grin and I bear--
so I cry when I see you
in love again,
and I hold you when they
cease to care.
If you look then you always
will find me,
for I'm always right close at your side--
a hand you can hold to
in darkness,
a heart where you're welcome
to hide.
It's like remembering a
favorite dream,
it's like forgetting one
more time;
feel like dissolving into
dust and tears,
like there's no reason
and no rhyme.
It's more than what I ever dreamed about,
the pain of wishing you were mine;
and knowing that you'll
never ever see
to the heart that hides behind.

And in the doubt,
in the tears I will guide you;
I will hold the night at bay.
In the times,
in the trials I'm with you;
and I'll keep your fears away.
And it hurts
and it hurts
but at least you're alright,
so I smile and mean it
and keep on the fight--
and I try to ignore the tears
of my heart that hides.

~(c)2001 The Mad Poet (A.K. LaBelle)