On My Sixteenth Birthday
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On my sixteenth birthday
I wake up
I look in the mirror,
Wondering who and what I will see
Will I look older?
More mature?
Will I feel special?
Unique?
All grown up?
Will I have a new sense of self worth?
I want to.
But I look in the mirror
And I see the same face
The same dark brown hair tumbles to my shoulders
Always the same
One of the few unchanging factors in my life
I see the same dark brown eyes
Eyes that in the past were so full of light and joy
A look so rarely seen now
In these eyes clouded with sadness
The mouth, the thin lips, set in a straight line
Neither smiling nor frowning
Simply thinking, almost looking sad
The smile is another thing not seen lately
The smile, that on the rare ocassion it is genuine
Can light up my whole face and heart,
Is now hidden behind troubled worry lines
Who is this girl looking at me from the mirror?
Is she really me, or some false image?
I look, and see a girl who,
Underneath acts of confidence and bravado
Is locked inside herself
Scared and shy of the others
Afraid she will be mocked,
Laughed at
Yet I remember glimpses of times when she was happy
The cheesy but genuine and bright eyed grin
When her favorite star hugged her and smiled
So they could have a picture together
The girl who carelessly waltzed with a friend
Outside a movie theatre at night
The girl who ran across the beach
Singing showtunes with her best friend
Where is that girl now?
Has she forgotten the happiness?
Is she convinced it didn't happen?
Or is the happy girl simpley hidden
Inside the serious one
Patiently waiting to come out
When will the true happiness come back?
Not the false image of confidence
And being carefree
But the girl who had a pure joy in living
Maybe someday
When I'm older
But not today
On my sixteenth birthday