im crazy....but at least i know it

what did i expect out of today? everyday i try harder and harder to understand my self, and yet everyday i become more and more complicated. the moment i find love i lose it, and the moment love finds me it passes by. if im so smart, than why cant i ever finish my homework? and every hour i lose a little bit of sanity, but no one except for me ever notices. why is it that im not the only one who can view my imperfections, yet, whenever i do something right nobodies watching? who could blame me for being paranoid? society put me in this position.
i woke up to the sound of my usual alarm clock radio, but a moment after i turned it off i couldnt remember what song was playing(or if it even was a song). i ride the bus to school, dispite the fact that i could walk. its only seven miles, thats easy. these days eveyone is so lazy, including me, i guess. id like to be able to take advantage of my ability to walk, not all people have that privelige. i went to school, but i cant recall what, if anything, i learned. they teach me the same old shit ive known for years, but i never tell them this, i take my extra time, to daydream. my favorite hobby. i turn the music on in my head, and ignore the world around me. ignore the tragety, its the only way to remember that life is still worth living. i go to lunch and i laugh. about what? i really dont know, it didnt matter anyway.
i play real music on the busride home, taking out my headphones, old and almost broken with constant use. it always occures to me that no one wants to sit next to me on the bus. i have my own little world anyway, and theyre not invited. i walk from my bustop in silence, no one to talk to, ignoring the bad. when i come to the safe confines of my room i take the cd out of my portable cd player into my brothers cd player(which i dragged from his electronic-filled room). my music is blasting as loud as it can go and i am happy. i can sing outloud and nobody will yell at me. i am my own person. in my world everything is perfect. what did i expect out of today? nothing...but that really doesnt matter anyway.