The Night Life of the Insomniac

Authors note: This is a story based on my music man, and is a documentary and a storyline combined.
When the documenters, Tatiana , Kristin, Rachel and Drew make comments, they will be indicated by the
"" and italics. There are a lot of private jokes in here, so don't feel left out. Some names have been changed
so I don't get mauled. Now on to the fanfic!!

Derik walked in the house, trailing after his sister. He had endured another night of conducting the
opera his sister was in.

Tatiana: Operas are beneath me. It kills them! It kills them!
Rachel: His girlfriend only does Musicals, right Drew?
Drew: Only when she has taken her 'happy pills'
Kristin: Happy pills?

It was an opera of the greatest magnitude. Splendid in every form, the sopranos trilled their notes, the
baritones hit the lower notes, and the tenors improvised a full octave higher than the score. Derik sat down,
on his couch. It was 11:30. He could hear his sister getting ready to sleep. Derik flicked through the
channels, but he was to tired to watch TV. Going over to the stove, he started to boil some tea.

Drew: APHITAMINES!! WEEEHE!!
Rachel: We all know you love your special tea Drew.
Tatiana: Herbal tea… yes it iz veery good vor zee zingers voice… nessecary to..
::Kristin clamps hand over tatiana's mouth::

Sipping his tea, Derik watched his kitten chase a piece of ice across the floor. She was so cute, and seemed
to have an endless energy source. His sister called from her room, informing him that she was going to
sleep. He glanced at his watch- 11:45. It was really time he should be getting to bed. He was tired, and yet,
and yet…

Drew: Who wrote this?
::Rachel glances at Tigress:: Um…
Drew: what a load of…

He wandered over to the room adjacent to his. He flicked on the computer, and then ensued a conversation
with his current girlfriend. She was online, but kept leaving. Computer problems he guessed. He picked up to
phone to call her.

Rachel: She is eating. Always eating.
Drew: I know!! Poor Chris, she always takes his rice…
Kristin: SHE DOSEN'T EAT!! I HAVE NEVER SEEN HER EAT!!
Tatiana: I zink ve need to make zis fanfiction more enjoyable for the general public…
All except Tatiana: Naaah.

The phone was ringing, but she never answered it. With a sigh, he turned back to the computer. He typed in
his favorite website… www.neopets.com. he had to go take care of his Lupe. His sister had told him that it
was very childish of him to put in so many hours on neopets, but he had to make some more neopoints.

Drew: I know the feeling buddy.
Rachel: Its mindless drivel.
Tatiana: Vat eez Zee neopoint?

Neopoints. He had to have them. In a zombie like trance, he played game after game. he was spiraling into an
oblivion of neopets. Neopets. It was his life. He had to become the richest neopian ever! The neopets was
drawing him closer, and closer, and then the doorbell rang. He didn't bother to answer it. He couldn't be
distracted from his neopets.

Kristin: And Ed McMan walked away, saddened by the fact that Derik had not won the 10 million he
was offering.
Drew: And his girlfriend walked away, saddened by the fact that Derik had left her for a mynki.
Rachel: DREW!!!

Derik played on neopets. He played all of the games possible. He had to. It was his life. How he wished he
could drive, he would go to the neopets station and worship the creators as gods.

Tatiana: Who iz zis idiot? I must go write formata here…

After playing on neopets, Derik went into his room and sat on his bed. It was 3:27. He tried to sleep but he
couldn't. Then the doorbell rang again. It was Jasob, who drove him over to starbucks

Rachel: Coffee? He dosen't need coffee.
Kristin: I hope he does the mocha dance.
Drew: I like to dance!! Especially at batmizphas!!

Derik sipped his coffee. There was no conversation between them. All was calm,

Kristin: sings all is right. Round youn virgin mother and child… holy
Tatiana: sings very poorly INFANT SO TENDER AND MILD
Drew: good God what is that noise?
Rachel: throws dictionary into Tatiana's open mouth
Tatiana: Mmmmph
Kristin: Thank God. She was worse than the person I sang that duet with—what was the duet…" no no
no no, non ve, non ve..."

and the moon shone brightly.

Drew: Word of advice, never moon a werewolf.
Kristin: Do you know from experience?
Drew: Errr…
Rachel: He has tooth marks on his behind.
Kristin: How do you know?
All: HEY AUTHOR!! THAT WAS INNAPROPTIATE!! PREPARE TO BE MAULED!!!

Derik looked into his coffee mug. It was a mocha frap

Kristin: Hop.
Rachel: Gotta love that methane gas. Mocha flavored? Interesting.
Drew: How barbaric.

pichino. He felt this yearning, a tugging at his soul… he had to do something, but he didn't know what.
What was it? This strange feeling… his eyes became heavy

Rachel: Who weighed them?
Drew: That was really bad… really really bad… gags Rachel
Rachel: Mmmmph.
Drew: I have been wanting to do that for years.

and his eyelids began to close. Suddenly he remembered--

Drew: That he had to go to the bathroom. Plastic sheets!
Kristin: That his name was Sister Mary Paul. He had won the publishers clearing house sweepstakes!
Drew: And George Bush renamed him "good buddy/mini-me"

NEOPETS! He had to get home. He implored Jasob to drive him, and quickly. Although he was tired, Jasob
consented. He dropped Derik off at his house, drove home

Drew: Never to be seen again.
Kristin: sigh
Drew: There are two different ways to interpret that…
Kristin: dreamy voice I know…
Drew: becomes extremely scared

and went to sleep. Derik on the other had could not bring himself to go into the deep bowls of sleep. Instead
he went on fanfiction.net and read all of Tigress's great poems! Her bio is the one that says law student…

Kristin & Drew: NO PLUGS FOR YOUR OTHER STORYS!!

sorry.

Drew: That's better.
Kristin: as long as you know your place…. silly fanfic authors.
Drew: winks oh I know. Really odd people you know. READ ALL STORYS BY PRINCE CHAMPANGE!!
Kristin: aHEM.
Drew: oops.
Rachel: MMMPPHH!!
Drew: Oh yes… and Flame Tigress has great work too.

Derik was feeling very strange at this time. He had surfed the internet, played with his neopet, what else
was there to do?

Kristin: Normal people go to sleep.
Drew: Derik is anything but normal.
Jasob: True Dat.
Kristin: sigh

Derik glanced at his aim buddy list. Lo and behold, wonder of wonders… His girlfriend was on!

Kristin: Another idiot.
Drew: True dat.
Jasob: sigh

He IMed her, and sat staring at his screen

Drew: for hours.

but there was no response from her.

Drew: I told you he left her for a Mynki. She left him for an Aisha.
Kristin: I think she is dead.
Drew: He is begging forgiveness… I'll bet she put him on her 'block' list.
Kristin: Naw… she is dead.
Drew: See what happens when you have fun with a fin?
Kristin: Dead I tell you.
Drew: maybe she is dead.
Kristin: What a dumb idea. Of course she isn't dead stupid.

"She must have fallen asleep at the keyboard again" he mused. That girl of his, always snoozing. It was 6:46.
The sun was beginning to rise. With a sigh, Derik got up, wet into his room, gazed at the morning sun and
promptly fell asleep.

Kristin: WHAT?
Drew: WHAT?
Rachel: MMPH?
Tatiana: mmmph.
Drew: That is the dumbest ending.
Kristin: No, you are dumb. Goodbye. gags drew
Drew: MMPH!! gags Kristin
Kristin: MMMMMMMPH!
Rachel: MMMPH.
All: MMMMPH.
Derik: I'm still awake you know… better go play Neopets.