A Parody of "Twas The Night Before Christmas"

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was living, not even a mouse;
Not a stocking was hung by the chimney with care,
All the vampires were hunting: Mortals, beware;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
And visions of Santa Claus danced in their heads;
And vampires in clothing that was all colored black,
Creaked open the fence and crept in through the back,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
The folks sprang from their bed to see what was the matter.
Away from the house vampires flew like a flash,
Cursing the idiot who knocked over the trash.

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Caught the wild black fur of ten werewolves below,
When, what to their glittering eyes should appear,
But fresh meat, disguised in the form of two regular deer.

They snuck up to them slowly, so quiet and quick,
That they made not a sound when they hit the ice slick
More rapid than eagles, the monsters they came,
And they whistled, and shouted, and called out their names;

"I'm Slasher, I'm Cancer, I'm Lancer, I'm Mixin'!
I'm Comic, I'm Stupid, We're Blonder and Mitten!
Get off of the porch! Skate into the hall!
Now smash away, bash away, crash today all!"

Disguised as small birdies that sing as they fly
The vampire bats wakened, to rise in the sky.
While out on the front lawn, the evil things grew
And hounds roamed the neighborhood for good things to chew

And then, in a twinkling, they heard on a roof
More crazy creatures from this little spoof.
As they started to run circles, around and around,
Down to the earth big bad Loki came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
But you could see that his hair was jet black to the root;
A group of small hounds left the front of the pack,
Cuz Loki looked hungry and needy for a snack.

His eyes-how they glittered! His grin was so scary!
And every last inch of him was bright red and hairy.
Then thirteen skeletons dropped down in a row,
And their horrible bones were as white as the snow.

The leader had a pipe, clenched tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad skull and was ever so smelly,
He left, with his troops, to find news about Dear Aunt Nelly.

She was the queen of all zombies, and certainly no elf,
But you might laugh if you saw her, in spite of yourself;
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head,
Soon gave her control over all that were dead.

She said not a word, but went straight to her work,
She started out smiling; then she turned with a jerk,
And glaring at witches that stood by the hose,
She gave a great nod and up into they sky they rose.

The hounds rushed away, at the sound of a whistle
For they of all knew the sting of a thistle.
Their master was calling; they ran out of sight,
MOURNFUL CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A SAD NIGHT!